what do SAHMs do once kids are in school?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| this is a serious question. It seems every time there's discussion on here about how busy SAHMs are it's always when the kids are with them 24/7. I agree - it's hard work!! but, what do you do once your kids go to school and don't come home until 2:30 or 3:30? We have this discussion in our house all the time because when I get home things aren't done. SAHM begins cleaning kitchen, doing laundry and picking up toys once I get home. I can't figure it out. |
Anonymous
| OP, in your situation, obviously as little as possible. |
Anonymous
| Yes. that's what I thought. I just wanted to see if maybe I'm missing something. I want my partner to start thinking about going back to work and she says the kids need her still. Which I'm sure is true, but I'm feeling a bit resentful that I'm going to work every day and she isn't getting all these long term projects I thought she'd work on when the kids are at school. When I ask her what she's done all day she tells me what she's done with the kids (which are of course done after school) and say laundry, when I hear the washer going - so I know she just threw a load in. Things like that. Just getting frustrated with it. |
Anonymous
| Everything I'd love to do- I imagine...bubble baths, long workouts, ladies lunches, pedicures and shopping. Ha! One day of grocery, Costco, drycleaner pickup and 4 glorious days of relaxation. |
Anonymous
|
I'll be honest here. SAHM and youngest is 7 and in elementary.
It was a real, time-consuming job when the kids were little. Not nuclear engineering, but absolutely demanding 7 a.m to 8 pm, every day of the week. I'll duke it out with anyone who argues otherwise. Now that everyone is in school? I have too much time on my hands. Way, way too much time on my hands. We have a big house that I clean all by myself, multiple dogs that I walk/care for each day, I work out regularly, and cook from scratch daily. I take care of the yard by myself. I do 100% of the grocery shopping, laundry, you name it. And I STILL have HOURS every day with nothing to do. (I am about to retrain for an all-new career, get a new degree, etc. so that will suck up the day time). I don't think I'm unusual or wonder woman and I don't want a medal. I'm just being honest. |
Anonymous
|
I just went back to work after being at home for 7 years. I did spend a year at home when all of them were in school (fulltime) just to see what would happen. Well I almost lost my mind. The boredom was mindnumbing. Yes, the house was clean and laundry was done. But I defintely felt I was losing "myself" in it all and after a year (and a few months) decided it was time to get back to work.
I started in October and I think we are all much happier! Staying home when kids are in school definitely isn't for everyone. A lot of my SAH friends seemed so busy but while I would have 2 or 3 more kids than them I still felt lost with out a job or a kid home. |
Anonymous
|
Everything I'd love to do- I imagine...bubble baths, long workouts, ladies lunches, pedicures and shopping. Ha! One day of grocery, Costco, drycleaner pickup and 4 glorious days of relaxation.
On a serious note- my take is there are certain DHs that buy into the whole 'wife at home full-time when kids are in school' reflects on me as big, bad breadwinner and the other DHs that will never be able to get over the thought that wifey isn't pulling her financial weight while everyone else is out at school/work all day. If you are X and married Y--there is going to be latent resentment. My DH had a single mom that worked two jobs and a bunch of very liberal 70s Aunts with PhDs that were total feminisists. He couldn't imagine being married to a woman that never works or no ambition outside of the home. Fortunately, he married a martyr with parents that taught her to always have some form of income because you never know what a future spouse is capable of. I daydream about being like some of my friends that seriously lead the life I described above, but I know my innate personality could never not earn some source of income. I've been working some type of job since I was babysitting at 10. I also know that the reason my current relationship works is that we don't resent one another. I may have a more flexible job but I make up with by pulling a little more weight on the home front. |
Anonymous
|
I do all the house stuff, obviously-- laundry, cleaning, shopping etc. I prep meals so I don't have to when the kids are home. I help my husband with his work-- proofreading his articles before publication, mostly. I manage the bills and insurance and car needs (repairs, maintenance). Manage the house maintenance, which involves lots of calls to contractors (we had damage from the crazy summer acts of god) and staying home for them, and quick trips to the hardware store when they're working. We don't have a yard, per se, but I keep the little patch of grass out front tidy, and weed the flower bed. Did all the Christmas decorating, from picking up and trimming the tree, to hanging the outdoor lights.
I'm also looking for a job, so there's an hour a day. And I'm writing a book, so that's a few hours once or twice a week, as new info comes in or as the muse visits. I volunteer at the food bank, usually one six-hour shift a week. And I STILL have time on my hands. I have lunch with friends and play computer games, mostly. I have occasionally gone back to bed after dropping the kids off at school. |
Anonymous
| I don't know how I'll feel/what it will be like when we reach that point. But, if finances allow, I will not feel any guilt whatsoever if I decide to continue to stay home and ..maybe even take some time to do things for myself like a class/hobby, more gym etc. Why not??? However, this is hypothetical - because, as PP's have stated, you never know how you'll feel until you're in the situation. I feel pretty confident that I do not want to go back to work full-time, again, if finances permit. My DH is supportive. I do think that no matter what a couple decides, expectations of each need to be clearly addressed and communicated. |
Anonymous
 When I read the initial post, these are all the things I thought of!!!! Ah, what a life!!!!
|
Anonymous
| Bunko and wine parties...at least in my neighborhood growing up. A part time job?! That was way below their pay grade and would only be stooped to I the husband was out of work long term. I actually knew a family that moved to a cheaper area so the Mom didn't have to work to makes ends meet. But that was just what it was like in my town, definitely not comparable to here. |
Anonymous
This does seem like a honest post. I have little ones and if I was home 6 hours a day by myself I could get done in 1-2 days what now takes me the whole week. |
Anonymous
|
Once your kids are ready for school, there is about 3 years worth of laundry piled up, 2 weeks worth of dishes, a house-full of closets that need cleaned out, a basement full of baby gear and baby clothes that needs to be sorted, tossed and donated, and there is at least 5 years worth of scrapbooking. Add to that all the years lost that you couldn't work out.
Once you're done with the initial load, they'll be in third grade, at which point you'll be burnt out and ready for morning coffee with friends before heading out to volunteer at your school because you're the room mom, of course. Don't fret....as soon as they get home, there are activites galore, that is, if they get their hour worth of homework done on-time. At some point in the say, you might be able to put together a decent dinner, but if you wait until the kids come home from school...screw it...it's grilled cheese again. My youngest is in 1st grade. I've got a list a mile long of things that need to be done. I gave up TV 3 years ago. DCUM is slowly filling in the gaps of any boredom though. |
Anonymous
| Here's my day (kids are only in school 6.5 hrs minus commute), Stop and food shop or other errands on way home. Tidy up + serious cleaning as needed. Volunteer 2 or 3 days/week as much as I can. I also work part time outside the home, only during school hours, and cook all our meals. I like to have all cleaning done during the week so I don't have to do any on weekend. Time goes by super fast - very little down time until after kids are in bed. Thanks for asking! Nobody ever does! |
Anonymous
|
"and there is at least 5 years worth of scrapbooking."
Oh, God! |