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Rethinking Circumcision for my son...
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Anonymous
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Hi -- My son just turned three. I was very ambivalent about the procedure before he was born. Yes, he'd definitely be circumcised. No, he wouldn't. Anyway, I fell under the sway of a very didactic, pushy, I'm-always-right-friend. I know this sounds lame, but it was her prodding that pushed me not to circumcise. Also, I think the anti-circ forces tend to dominate cyberspace(much like the right-wing owns talk radio) which likely influenced my decision.
Now I deeply regret this decision. Honestly, I don't know what I was thinking but it seemed to be the more socially acceptable, enlightened choice among my friends. Anecdotally, I know several men who've had ripped foreskin, adhesions etc and I've dated men (non-American) who've been intact and I did not enjoy being intimate with them (oral sex). One of my boyfriends half-jokingly blamed me for ripping his foreskin during sex and he had to surgery to repair it. I've heard this also from friends. I don't want my son to feel rejected, ostracized etc. I can remember a coworker arguing with her husband on the phone before their baby was born saying, "Don't you want your son to get blow jobs?" That did it for them. They circ'd. PLEASE -- if you are a foreskin lover and find what I'm saying to be offensive, I apologize. But I'm trying to be candid and for the record, I've heard all the pros and cons. My question is has anyone had their son circumcised at a later age, was it traumatic for them? Do you regret doing this? Has anyone ever regretted NOT circumcising? Any advice you have would be appreciated. Thanks for reading this. |
Anonymous
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Many get circumcised later because of health issues. My husband did (at age 14!). They can put them under for the procedure, and I don't think it was traumatic or hurt (much...there is some soreness afterwards, but I don't think horrible).
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Anonymous
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You may feel better knowing that men who are not circ have more sensitiving down there so they experience more sensation while having sex.
I have read this but also was told this by a friend who was dissapointed that her boyfriend had to get circ later in life (some medical issue) because she thought he had enjoyed their sex life more before. So that's another perspective for you to consider if his future sexual enjoyment is of concern to you. |
Anonymous
| Pick up this month's issue of Mothering magazine (avail at Whole Foods). There is an article on circumcision that you may find useful |
Anonymous
| Do it. Do it now. DS will thank you one day. |
Anonymous
| MY 8 year old and his friends couldn't care less about who is and who isn't. |
Anonymous
Uh, I would hope not. Check back with us in 10 years. |
Anonymous
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OP--I have no idea about what it takes to circumcise an older child, but I'm not sure sure I could. I freak when my DS has to get a shot, let alone the idea of him going under general anesthesia for a circ. What does your DH think? Is there some medical reason your DS should be circ'd now?
I had my DS circ'd at birth not for religious reasons but because, for me personally, the relative benefits of health and hygiene seemed to outweigh the risks, and based on some research I had performed. Also, more overwhelmingly, DH really wanted us to do it and I didn;t have a particularly visceral opinion. I mean, I don't have a penis, so the combo of my own research and DS's strong feelings basically made the decision. DS had no complications, thankfully. However...that said, I had several VERY vocal people before and after DS's birth absolutely BESIDE themselves at the thought that we might circ. Very persuasive arguments, if made (in my case at least) with a little too much force of conviction for my taste. So I know how persuasive people can be in arguing against. I'm going to assume your friend is pure in her motives and really wanted you to do the right thing but, ultimately, it was and is none of your friend's business. I don;t know if you are still friends with her, but I'm wondering whether she is aware of how you're feeling. When people, IMHO, try so hard to convince people of something, there is this feeling that "if they only had all the information"--well, great, give me all your information, then step back. Don;t assume that if someone makes a decision different from you it's because they don;t know what you know--give them what you know and back off. Anyway, all that said, if I were you I would NOT regret my decision not to circ. Plenty of men are circ'd and plenty of men are NOT circ'd!!! It's like, 60/40 or something in the US now. So your DS is NOT going to be some lone uncir'd guy out there--seriously, don't beat yourself up about this. Decisions to circ or not to circ are BOTH made from a place of love and a desire to do the best for our sons!!! It is sad that there are some with such an agenda that they cannot accept this, but you LOVE your son. Teach him to be proud of his penis!!! |
Anonymous
Also, anecdotal evidence aside, in studies utilizing the feedback from adult males both before and after circumcision, the subjects have reported no difference, FYI. This is a favorite refrain, but there is absolutely no proof this this is true or false. |
Anonymous
You'd be surprised what an 8-year old might actually say out of earshot. They look. They notice. And if it suits them, they will use it to tease, bully, and joke. |
Anonymous
| My son was in a co-op preschool for a year and a half (so I saw the boys' penises while helping them in the bathroom). So this is about 30 kids total, half of them were boys. Of the boys, a third were uncircumcised. That doesn't seem like such a small percentage that it would even make a difference to them once they grow up. Certainly not a small enough percentage to make your son feel "rejected, ostracized etc." |
Anonymous
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Yeah, but an 8 year old is going to bully, joke and tease either way depending on what suits their needs at the moment. At one instance the uncirc boy will be on the outs, and at another it will be the circ boy. You can't make decisions by how 8 year olds react.
I have a number of friends tho decided to circumcise at an older age. It was always for religious reasons and the reason that the circumcision came later in life was because the kids were adopted at an older age. All of my friends said their boys went through extreme pain despite the medication - several described moaning for a few days. Those that were older and could really understand it were more accepting of it than those that had it done at the late toddlerhood/early elementary school age. A couple of my friends reported that their boys were really angry at them for having it done. None cared that they now looked like their dads. As best as I can tell as a relative outsider, the one thing that all of these boys have in common is that circumcision was a major life event for them. It changed them and they know it. But, they know that it was done because their religion dictated that it needed to be done. I don't know anyone who decided to do it at an older age due to preference. |
Anonymous
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My son is 4 1/2 and uncircumcised. Sure he notices some boys are circumcised and some are not. So far it hasn't been an issue. All people have their differences. We raise our kids to respect differences and have confidence in themselves.
As the foreskin starts to separate from the penis, do be sure to have your son take lots of baths. We had one bad bout of balanitis which prompted an ER visit. We then learned the importance of making sure my son takes regular soaks so he could keep himself clean. With respect to getting him circumcised later, I would wait until he's an adult and let him decide. During my medical training, I witnessed several adult male circumcisions. The surgeons were painstaking in their attention to detail and to making sure there would be no scar. This was in absolute contrast to the circumcision of infants I witnessed. Those were barbaric. Teeny babies strapped down by arms and legs in 4 point restraint and the foreskin literally chopped off without any anesthesia at all. All this is to say I support your decision not to have your son circumcised. He can decide later if he wants the procedure done. |
Anonymous
| I think personally by the way you phrased the question you will mostly get people to answer who did not circumcise (and by reading most post- feel it was the right decision- or let the child decide later approach).. I did circumcise our son so your question didn't include me or anyone that did- just letting you know that you may have a one sided response (so far no one that didn't circumcise did circumcise later- most people feel strongly before deciding this/pre birth).. |