Things I should put into my original parenting/divorce agreement. Advice please!!
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Anonymous
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What are some things that I may be overlooking? My children are very, very young so I have a hard time seeing how things will change down the road. Also, things with DX have, of course, changed so much over these last few months that I can no longer take certain things for granted. There was a much higher sense of trust and we-can-work-this-out-together earlier on. Now, I just want to be sure to safeguard all that I can. He's a very low earner, so I haven't given significant attention to how to approach shared financial responsibilities. I just figure I'll be taking everything on myself. When I say very low earner, I mean that most DCUM readers probably made more money at their part-time grad school gig. It's likely less than a year of your child's school tuition. Low. So, I haven't really considered his financial contribution. Instead, I worry about decision-making and accountability. He bails on visits when he's upset about something. He ignores the children in the now, while complaining that he wants them to be proud of him in some far-off future. He's dropped responsibilities when they prove inconvenient. I worry about other women down the road and where DX will take the children. He talks about sleep overs but has no reliable housing. If there's anything that you wish you'd put in your parenting or divorce agreement---something that you had to go back to court for, something that an attorney had to point out to you, something you regret not establishing from the first----please share it with me now, as my lawyers are busy drafting something this week. Thanks so much! |
Anonymous
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Oh, we're in DC and the divorce itself is uncontested. No marital property. Thanks! |
Anonymous
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COLA adjustments on child support.
college contributions. ex should carry life insurance with kids as beneficiaries. direct deposit of child support so you don't have to argue about it. |
Anonymous
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re-calculations of child support whenever one parent's income changes a certain percentage
medical costs over a certain dollar amount - splitting these costs for things like braces, hospitalizations with hefty co-pays, etc. babysitting costs if he flakes out on you for a scheduled visitation (he pays for a babysitter if you have plans and he doesn't take them at the last minute) |
Anonymous
| I would cover what is the default is if someone in either family dies. My friend went through this - a close relative died, and he wouldn't let her take her child to the funeral because it was "his" weekend, so make a provision for that. She didn't need an emergency court hearing on top of dealing with the death in the family. |
Anonymous
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Thanks! These are amazing. Please, keep 'em coming! --OP |
Anonymous
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I actually think COLA is not enough. Get language on living expenses. My rent has increased 50% since we split, my ex has a fixed mortgage.
Life insurance with children as beneficiaries and you as trustee! Same if he's laid off or decides to be self-employed. And he sends you the policy every year. A provision that he must notify you immediately is his salary changes by a certain percent, i.e., he gets a good job, to negotiate child support. (If that's possible.) The default on death in the family is fine but remember he can disregard it and there's no recourse since the funeral's already been held. |
Anonymous
| discussions about splitting unusual/extraordinary expenses...to dissuade him from persuading your kids they NEED that school ski vacation, on your $$$$ |
Anonymous
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discussion about higher ed planning - each makes a specific monthly contribution to a 529
how to notify about travel outside the immediate area when he has kids he pays for camps/activities occurring on his time and you pay for yours or how to split the costs if it overlaps |
Anonymous
| 17:37 I disagree on paying for camp on his time/her time. Just split costs proportionate to income. This approach opens up a can of worms, bagging summer weeks, keeping the children out of camp to save a few ... |
Anonymous
I guess it depends on the relationship between the parents. My friend and her ex split custody week to week. He's a total pain and flat out refuses to pay for camp while he has the boys which means they missed out on all the things their friends did this summer (baseball camp, swim team, etc) because the dad balked at the cost. He did however have a sitter for them during the day. |
Anonymous
| Right of first refusal for custody. Ours works on overnights, but I've heard about it being set up for shorter periods of time. Basically if he is going to be putting child in someone elses care during his custody time, you have the choice of taking that time for yourself. (and vice versa) |
Anonymous
| The children will attend school in the mother's school district. |
Anonymous
In DC with charters and OOB, you might want to say mother picks the school. It can be really complicated when child is enrolled in Charter X, then Charter Y or OOB Z calls a week into the school year. Complicated for parents who figure it out together. If you can get autonomy in that decision, it would really help |
Anonymous
| If you go for full legal custody, he has no say in what school they attend, if you move out of state, medical decisions, etc. |