Terrified at giving speech at friend's wedding.

Anonymous
I'm maid of honor for a very good friend this summer. I am absolutely terrified of giving a speech. Terrified. I hate public speaking, it's going to be a large wedding. Don't know what to say, won't be funny, will be shaking and my face will turn bright red. Large amounts of alcohol will only make it worse.

Any suggestions on how to survive this one? (I am honored to have been asked, it's just that this whole speech thing has me scared).
Anonymous
I had to do a toast at my best friend's wedding and was terrified. I wrote the speech as a letter to them.....there were a few humorous parts, some sentimental parts, a few nice quotes about marriage....it was a total hit....no one cared that I read it off the paper....i could never do an impromptu speech. Also, you could ask your doctor for beta blockers...they take away the physical manifestatiins of anxiet, like shaky hands , racing heart, etc.
Anonymous
I spoke at my sister's wedding and was pretty nervous. I learnt my speech off by heart so didn't need to think when delivering it. Someone once told me that if you hold a glass of wine while you deliver the speach, you'll come across as relaxed. So I didn't drink before the speech but held my glass of wine during it ... and took a big gulp afterwards! It went down great and I actually enjoyed it.

People will be on your side - learn it well, keep it short and don't get drunk beforehand!
Anonymous
Keep it simple, heartfelt and short!

A few more bits of advice:

There's no need to talk for five minutes or (god forbid) more. Don't re-live all (or any) of your shared memories or deep feelings. Just put together a minute or two of from-the-heart thoughts and you'll be set.

And DO NOT try to be funny! Unless you're one of those rare people who is naturally funny and has been recognized by others as such for your whole life, I think you're far better off skipping attempts at humor and just go with sweet and heartfelt words instead.

For example, my maid of honor gave a wonderful speech that lasted all of a minute or two. I'd say there were three parts: (1) She talked a little about me -- how long she's known me and a few of my best traits/qualities as she sees them; (2) She talked a little about DH -- what she loves most about him (although you could skip that if you don't know your friend's DH well); (3) And then she talked a bit about how she knew as my friend that DH was "The One" for me because of how happy I was when I was with him or talking about him. She then wished us lots of happiness etc. in our life together. It wasn't fancy, but it was perfect and made me cry.

One last thing -- don't worry about how many people will be there. Just focus on your friend and her new DH. Pretend like you're speaking just to them and focus on conveying that you love them and wish them all the best together in their new life. If you can do that, everything else will be bonus. Good luck!
Anonymous
I like the letter idea.
Anonymous
I read this poem as my friend's MOH, and had the basket of candles. Everyone raved about it, including the DJ and Wedding photographer (they had never heard it before). I had the aunts in tears.

http://www.keystonecandle.com/Wedding_Poem_Candle_Set.htm
A basket of candles that come in a pair,
of all different colors, for you two to share.

The white ones burn first, they are wrapped in white lace,
to celebrate the first night in your new chosen place.

The mauve pair is smaller, and thinner,
they burn with your first company over for dinner.

There are candles to burn Christmas Eve, before bed,
your first Christmas married, that´s why they are red.

The navy candles are for your first fight;
use them to burn when making up all night.

Pink candles will set the mood and pave the way
for your very first married Valentine´s Day.

Now when your first year of marriage is through,
the Ivory anniversary pair will light for you two.

By this time we hope maybe, just maybe,
you could burn the yellow ones on the birth of your baby.

And just when you thought you could put these away;
take the light blue ones for your fifth anniversary day.

Now just one pair left for the big "25",
the anniversary pair that will keep your love alive.

So congratulations both of you on the start of your "forever",
may the two of you always be happy together.

And burn these candles just like I said,
but please don´t forget...blow them out before bed!

Best part (for me) was that I was able to hold the poem and read from it....so I didn't have to try and speak from memory.
Anonymous
xanax, baby
Anonymous
or propranolol
Anonymous
Please plan it out so you don't say something stupid and ruin the wedding video.

My mother was nervous I guess and got up and basically slammed me. She said something to the effect of- she was so lucky because DH is a great guy but my in-laws were not because I need to change my personality.

This is the wedding toast. How horrifying.

I cannot watch my wedding video because it makes me cringe and then I get mad. I can FF through that part but I'll still always remember it's there.

Her response- I am sorry. I don't know why I did that. I told you I was nervous and I didn't know what to say.

If you are going to crap in your pants and say something dumb, just sit down and pass on the speech.


Anonymous
Writing it out in advance and downing 2 quick glasses of wine worked for me.
Anonymous
I would have canceled the wedding if someone had tried to read out the sappy candle poem at mine.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I would have canceled the wedding if someone had tried to read out the sappy candle poem at mine.


Well it's a good thing we aren't friends then. Everyone loved it, and I thought it was sweet. Besides, why do you need candles? You can just remove the stick from your *ss and dip THAT in wax.
Anonymous
no. 1. rule: Look above heads of people and talk to this space. Don't worry, it will look as though you are looking at them but you will not be making eye contact. I was a classical voice major and this is how I learned to combat stage fright.

Speak slowly at first and then at your normal speed, don't rush.

You are not a professional comedian so you don't have to have wedding guests rolling of the floor with laughter. Keep it short with no private jokes between the two of you. You will do fine. Break a leg!
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I would have canceled the wedding if someone had tried to read out the sappy candle poem at mine.


Weddings are sentimental occasions. I rather liked the poem and, frankly, with your attitude, you're lucky anyone even wanted to attend your wedding, let alone finding someone who agreed to give a toast. Stop being Debby Downer.
Anonymous
OP here. Thanks for all of the suggestions! I think the candle poem is nice, but I'll probably stick with a very short and sweet little toast.
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