Getting kicked out of daycare

[Anonymous]

Hi.

Horrible Behavior poster here.

We feel that DD (3.5) is going to be asked to leave her daycare/preschool program. Although we are frustrated, I don't know if we can even blame them. She often hits, and doesn't listen. She mostly won't participate in group activities...circle time/story time, etc unless she feels like doing so. Today she had a horrible day before we even got her to daycare, so I wasn't surprised to get the request for a meeting. They have called us on several occasions to come pick her up early because they can't do anything with her. And, as you can see from my other post, we don't really know what else to do to get her to cooperate. We are beyond upset about all this. We both work full-time.

Does anyone have any suggestions of where to turn? Has anyone else been in this situation? What did you do?

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. Kinda been there, not quite to your extent but we went through a period where every time the phone rang my whole body tensed up....would it be the school asking me to p/u up DS. Getting him tested and diagnosed, then putting him on medication has made all the difference in the world!!!!!

To back up a bit, I knew something was off with him around age 1 - delayed speech and gross/fine motor, but had to wait to get him tested. he was in pre-school from 18 months-4 years. occasional behavioral issues such as talking out, occasional hitting, but otherwise social.

Had the WISC testing when he was 5 (too young in hind-sight). His DX was adhd/inattentive, executive functioning and sensory processing.

I guess all I can say is make an appt with a developmental pediatrician, find some non-drug "fixes" till such time as she is old enough to be tested. fixes such as behavioral and diet. I know that medication is a difficult decision - we avoided it like the plague. Once we tried medication, he was finally able to learn and control his impulses.

good luck , I know that others on here will give you great advice as well.

[Anonymous]

The day our daycare told us they were kicking our DS (approx 3 yrs old at the time) out of daycare was one of the most stressful days of my life. It also happened to occur on the same day, coincidentally, that we were meeting with a developmental ped for the first time about our DD for suspected ASD. I felt like the daycare had punched me in the gut. I know how you feel, OP, and I'm so sorry that you are struggling with this.

Our daycare in the end just wanted to make sure that we were taking action. In the past they had told us to just wait and see, and then maybe get our DS evaluated (evaluated for what?). But instead of giving us that time, they quickly moved to trying to kick us out. We immediately scheduled an appointment with the pediatrician, who recommended in our case getting him evaluated for sensory processing issues. We did, and we started him in OT, and we asked the daycare to give us 30-60 days to find a new caregiver. We ended up staying there for another 8 months (not sure if that was a mistake, even in hindsight), and then moved him to a much better daycare with more structure. Fast forward to now, when he's 6 1/2, and he's been diagnosed with ADHD (Impulsive). We haven't yet taken the plunge into medication but have an appt with our same pediatrician next week to start that process.

I wonder if the daycare would consider keeping your DD if you can lay out your action plan? I have to be honest in that I found the whole thing to be so heartbreaking when it happened to us.

[Anonymous]

Have you gotten an evaluation through ChildFind or whatever it may be called where you are? If you child qualifies for special needs preschool it is free. There are even some all-day programs depending on child's dx and where you live.

[Anonymous]

I was kicked out of daycare at 18 months and I am now a relatively functional adult, although I am a lawyer. Just something to give you a bit of optimism, OP.

[Anonymous]

You may also want to consider MPAC in Silver Spring.

[Anonymous]

I think from your other thread you already have a developmental ped. If that is true, call him. You might also consider another opinion. It sounds like you really haven't gotten the appropriate diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

My DS was kicked out of a private kindergarten. I remember how stressful and scary that was. Looking back it seems so unreal. I really feel for you. But now two years later and after starting medication and OT, he is in a much better place. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Just keep your chin up. My DS has a diagnosis of ADHD and anxiety. With hard work, treatment, and patience, he continues to improve.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I truly appreciate all the comments. Just knowing that other people made it through this mess....its comforting. Thank you for sharing.

[Anonymous]

I don't have a clue about your DC but 3.5 year olds are pretty savvy. If you find another place it may fit her better. Perhaps the acting out is her trying to tell you that she doesn't like the place any longer.

[Anonymous]

My son was nearly "asked to leave" from preschool when he was 2 yrs old. It turns out he has SPD. I found a preschool that didn't want to blame me for being a bad parent and helped me get an OT evaluation for him. After therapy, he is doing well in K this year. I thought I must be a horrible parent if my son acted so terribly at school. Now I know the environment wasn't right for his needs and his behavior was the only way he could tell me that. He is also very intelligent and I've met a few others moms of very smart boys and we all have similar stories.

[Anonymous]

Call Child Find. Maybe special ed preschool is a solution if your child qualifies. Kids in the program have all kinds of issues, ratios are very low, and they cannot be kicked out. Go to your local public school system's website and search on Child Find, and you should find a number to call.

[Anonymous]

are you in DC? look into Bridges Public Charter School. inclusive learning environement.

[Anonymous]

My son was "kicked out" of an in-home daycare at 8 months. The provider couldn't handle him because he was too high needs. He was very impatient (more so than your average 8 m o) and the minute he was put in his high chair he wanted to be fed. Had to be held A LOT. Etc. etc. He is ASD and has anxiety and still has to have what he wants when he wants it (getting a little better). I didn't blame the provider for admitting what she couldn't handle and thankfully I worked part time and was able to sort something out. It was absolutely gut wrenching at the time. Hang in there, OP. You'll land on your feet!

[Anonymous]

My 4 year old was kicked out - only 3rd kid in the director's 20 years there. It was no surprise - he was impulsive and aggressive towards the other kids and the teachers were at wits end. I was 8 months pregnant and working full time. It was So stressful and as awful as it was, it was a blessing in disguise. As a result we had our son evaluated and got some fantastic recommendations and providers all in place before kindergarten. He is doing amazing now. Hang in there. You are not alone. Remember, our kids need us to love them the most when they deserve it the least.