Do you tell the wife that her wonderful husband cheated on her for two years?

[Anonymous]

Are there wives out there so clueless that their husbands could buy real estate and they not know it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are there wives out there so clueless that their husbands could buy real estate and they not know it?

It's quite easy.

People who get caught either want to get caught or are careless. .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the previous posters. While some may find out about their spouses infidelity on their own in a way that allows them to cope overtime and do thoughtful decision-making, there's no reason to believe that that will be the case. This whole thread seems to post women in such a negative, week light. Are we actually to believe that women are so incapable of dealing with reality that they will allow their life choices to be holy impacted by weather another person knows their husband is fooling around? That it is more of a risk that a wife knows someone in the community is aware of his screwing around then the actual damage done by the affair and his potentially leading his wife? Are women really that fragile? For my part, I am responsible not only for myself and my husband, but also for our children. While I may not like the truth, living in Lala land doesn't help when your husband may be doing something that will burn your whole family, adults and children alike.

This is how people get away with cheating. Cheating, planning to leave their spouses, controlling all the information flow, potential he hiding assets, leaving when strategically most beneficial to the cheater, and gaslighting the victim spouse. I'll because we don't want dear Ms. Lala land to take her head out of the sand and confront reality. This is truly one of the more shocking threads, more surprising than strong views are pretty much anything else!

I think this business of the wife wanting to save face in the community rather than know that her husband is cheating is rather old fashioned and it does sound weak. But maybe it's another more "proper" form of an open marriage? Don't ask, don't tell? I don't understand it, it's certainly not for me and I don't think it would be for most women. But, yeah, there is always the chance that the person being told is one of these women who would prefer to believe in an alternate (and false) reality. As long as they don't know, everything is right in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I was being portrayed as some sort of crazy stalker who pounced on a married man, yep, I would set the record straight. Everyone is going to be sympathetic to the wife who was cheated on but that does not mean that *I* deserve scorn or ill will towards *ME*. Plus, she really should know that her husband is duping unsuspecting women like that.

You care what a complete stranger thinks about you. You know the wife is a complete stranger, you don't know her at all.

Would you walk up to a complete stranger on the street and tell them your story?

If I got the sense that she was bad mouthing me and making my name mud in her circle of lady friends. You bet I would try to talk to her because obviously she is not some random stranger, she is the wronged wife who is pissed off specifically at *ME*. And I would not deserve that kind of animosity directed at me. She would deserve to know exactly what her husband did - I'm not talking about bedroom specifics, I am talking about the way he manipulated/duped an innocent woman into being the other woman. I would also want her to know that I was very, very sorry and would never have willingly participated in a deception like that. Maybe it would make her feel better that she was not the only one who was hurt by this man. I don't know.

You sound smart. I already posted that I was duped into a relationship with a married man who swore he was "in the process of getting a divorce." I took the high road -- that is, I said nothing. Both he and his DW talked about me relentlessly, saying I had pursued him (I had not) etc. I suspect it was the only thing that held their marriage together. If I had to do it over, I would speak up ASAP and tell my side of the story. People believe whatever they hear. Speak up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I was being portrayed as some sort of crazy stalker who pounced on a married man, yep, I would set the record straight. Everyone is going to be sympathetic to the wife who was cheated on but that does not mean that *I* deserve scorn or ill will towards *ME*. Plus, she really should know that her husband is duping unsuspecting women like that.

You care what a complete stranger thinks about you. You know the wife is a complete stranger, you don't know her at all.

Would you walk up to a complete stranger on the street and tell them your story?

If I got the sense that she was bad mouthing me and making my name mud in her circle of lady friends. You bet I would try to talk to her because obviously she is not some random stranger, she is the wronged wife who is pissed off specifically at *ME*. And I would not deserve that kind of animosity directed at me. She would deserve to know exactly what her husband did - I'm not talking about bedroom specifics, I am talking about the way he manipulated/duped an innocent woman into being the other woman. I would also want her to know that I was very, very sorry and would never have willingly participated in a deception like that. Maybe it would make her feel better that she was not the only one who was hurt by this man. I don't know.

You sound smart. I already posted that I was duped into a relationship with a married man who swore he was "in the process of getting a divorce." I took the high road -- that is, I said nothing. Both he and his DW talked about me relentlessly, saying I had pursued him (I had not) etc. I suspect it was the only thing that held their marriage together. If I had to do it over, I would speak up ASAP and tell my side of the story. People believe whatever they hear. Speak up.

Yep. The only thing the wife could stay with her a-hole of a husband was to spin it so that you came off looking like some sort of desperate stalker. Otherwise, the wife would have to let on that she had chosen to stay with an a-hole husband.

[Anonymous]

^And if that is the way that that "marriage" works, I would say that is almost predatory. Not good.

[Anonymous]

I would tell in a heartbeat and I have done so before.

I once dated a nice, attractive man who took me to his place, introduced me to his friends, and called himself my boyfriend. He worked long hours, so I did not see him on a regular basis, but I understood because we both worked long hours.

A year into things, I received an email on New Year's Eve from a woman identifying herself as his wife. She told me that she had seen some of my texts to her husband and that both of them wanted me to stop stalking him.

I had no idea what she was talking about and called him immediately. He didn't answer. I called over and over to no response. I started to become suspicious. I waited two hours and then called him from my friend's phone just in case he was avoiding my calls. He answered immediately. As soon as I demanded to know what was going on, he said his connection was bad and hung up.

At that point, I knew I had been had and that he was laying low while lying to the wife. I googled her name (from email address), found out that they shared a home in the suburbs. I guess the city condo was his secret pad. I emailed her and told her everything, including the fact that he had a condo and his friends had met me. I even told her about his exes who I knew about who he must have dated while still married to her. I also forwarded her emails he had written me, FedExed her copies of receipts, photos etc.

Having given her all the evidence she would ever need to bring him to his knees, I blocked her email address and moved. Never looked back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell in a heartbeat and I have done so before.

I once dated a nice, attractive man who took me to his place, introduced me to his friends, and called himself my boyfriend. He worked long hours, so I did not see him on a regular basis, but I understood because we both worked long hours.

A year into things, I received an email on New Year's Eve from a woman identifying herself as his wife. She told me that she had seen some of my texts to her husband and that both of them wanted me to stop stalking him.

I had no idea what she was talking about and called him immediately. He didn't answer. I called over and over to no response. I started to become suspicious. I waited two hours and then called him from my friend's phone just in case he was avoiding my calls. He answered immediately. As soon as I demanded to know what was going on, he said his connection was bad and hung up.

At that point, I knew I had been had and that he was laying low while lying to the wife. I googled her name (from email address), found out that they shared a home in the suburbs. I guess the city condo was his secret pad. I emailed her and told her everything, including the fact that he had a condo and his friends had met me. I even told her about his exes who I knew about who he must have dated while still married to her. I also forwarded her emails he had written me, FedExed her copies of receipts, photos etc.

Having given her all the evidence she would ever need to bring him to his knees, I blocked her email address and moved. Never looked back.

Wow! Sounds like a movie. Its the same thing I would have done. If I were a wife id want to know too no matter how horrible it was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell in a heartbeat and I have done so before.

I once dated a nice, attractive man who took me to his place, introduced me to his friends, and called himself my boyfriend. He worked long hours, so I did not see him on a regular basis, but I understood because we both worked long hours.

A year into things, I received an email on New Year's Eve from a woman identifying herself as his wife. She told me that she had seen some of my texts to her husband and that both of them wanted me to stop stalking him.

I had no idea what she was talking about and called him immediately. He didn't answer. I called over and over to no response. I started to become suspicious. I waited two hours and then called him from my friend's phone just in case he was avoiding my calls. He answered immediately. As soon as I demanded to know what was going on, he said his connection was bad and hung up.

At that point, I knew I had been had and that he was laying low while lying to the wife. I googled her name (from email address), found out that they shared a home in the suburbs. I guess the city condo was his secret pad. I emailed her and told her everything, including the fact that he had a condo and his friends had met me. I even told her about his exes who I knew about who he must have dated while still married to her. I also forwarded her emails he had written me, FedExed her copies of receipts, photos etc.

Having given her all the evidence she would ever need to bring him to his knees, I blocked her email address and moved. Never looked back.

Wow, good for you. Men like that are serious sociopaths. They know how to come up with a convincing lie that makes them look like the victim in a heartbeat -- and they lie well. Very scary. I can't imagine being married to a man like that. You dodged a bullet PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^And if that is the way that that "marriage" works, I would say that is almost predatory. Not good.

What is predatory? The wife staying or speaking up and making sure your correct side of the story is known, regardless of whether or not they stay together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell in a heartbeat and I have done so before.

I once dated a nice, attractive man who took me to his place, introduced me to his friends, and called himself my boyfriend. He worked long hours, so I did not see him on a regular basis, but I understood because we both worked long hours.

A year into things, I received an email on New Year's Eve from a woman identifying herself as his wife. She told me that she had seen some of my texts to her husband and that both of them wanted me to stop stalking him.

I had no idea what she was talking about and called him immediately. He didn't answer. I called over and over to no response. I started to become suspicious. I waited two hours and then called him from my friend's phone just in case he was avoiding my calls. He answered immediately. As soon as I demanded to know what was going on, he said his connection was bad and hung up.

At that point, I knew I had been had and that he was laying low while lying to the wife. I googled her name (from email address), found out that they shared a home in the suburbs. I guess the city condo was his secret pad. I emailed her and told her everything, including the fact that he had a condo and his friends had met me. I even told her about his exes who I knew about who he must have dated while still married to her. I also forwarded her emails he had written me, FedExed her copies of receipts, photos etc.

Having given her all the evidence she would ever need to bring him to his knees, I blocked her email address and moved. Never looked back.

THIS SOUNDS LIKE THE MAN I WAS DUPED BY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell in a heartbeat and I have done so before.

I once dated a nice, attractive man who took me to his place, introduced me to his friends, and called himself my boyfriend. He worked long hours, so I did not see him on a regular basis, but I understood because we both worked long hours.

A year into things, I received an email on New Year's Eve from a woman identifying herself as his wife. She told me that she had seen some of my texts to her husband and that both of them wanted me to stop stalking him.

I had no idea what she was talking about and called him immediately. He didn't answer. I called over and over to no response. I started to become suspicious. I waited two hours and then called him from my friend's phone just in case he was avoiding my calls. He answered immediately. As soon as I demanded to know what was going on, he said his connection was bad and hung up.

At that point, I knew I had been had and that he was laying low while lying to the wife. I googled her name (from email address), found out that they shared a home in the suburbs. I guess the city condo was his secret pad. I emailed her and told her everything, including the fact that he had a condo and his friends had met me. I even told her about his exes who I knew about who he must have dated while still married to her. I also forwarded her emails he had written me, FedExed her copies of receipts, photos etc.

Having given her all the evidence she would ever need to bring him to his knees, I blocked her email address and moved. Never looked back.

Wow! Sounds like a movie. Its the same thing I would have done. If I were a wife id want to know too no matter how horrible it was.

This is similar to my situation right down to the wife contacting me, only she called me. From her husband's phone. He was "divorcing her". Apparently she wasn't aware of it.

[Anonymous]

Amazing how easily women are manipulated by men who cheat on them and their wives.

We never hear of men being manipulated by women who tell them they are single when they are actually married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Amazing how easily women are manipulated by men who cheat on them and their wives.

We never hear of men being manipulated by women who tell them they are single when they are actually married.

Eh, testosterone is a weird thing. It goes a long way to explaining male tendencies to violence, risk taking, poor decision making, inability to infer consequences, and increased sexual appetite. That's why - in 98 out of 100 scenarios - men a perpetrating these infidelity schemes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^And if that is the way that that "marriage" works, I would say that is almost predatory. Not good.

What is predatory? The wife staying or speaking up and making sure your correct side of the story is known, regardless of whether or not they stay together?

No, the man going out and duping unsuspecting women into having an affair with him. And the wife at home calling the duped OW a stalker, a low life, a home wrecker....The a-hole husband gets his fun, the wife saves face and the duped OW not only has had this huge deception played on her, she has had her reputation trashed by a trash talking wife. That seems predatory to me.