Daughter married a doctor, he’s pressuring her to pay off his student debt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is he asking her to pay off his debts using her pre marital assets? That is an absolute NO in my opinion?

Or is he asking her to pay off the debts at a higher rate now, using her income she is earning now, which is a marital asset? As opposed to just paying what he can afford from his salary while he contributes the same to household expenses etc?

I would not do either without a legal agreement in place confirming that if they get divorced, he owes her this money back with interest.

If you are not confident in your marriage, then why get married or stay married? Leave and find someone you trust fully

Because it is smRT TO PROTECT YOURSELF.

They why was there no prenup? And why wouldn't that protection include not every marrying in the first place? Not a lot of smart decision making in this hasty marriage where OPs daughter didn't even understand his debt situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the situation with his parents? If they’re rich this would annoy me even more.

Well obviously they are not rich as has debt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is he asking her to pay off his debts using her pre marital assets? That is an absolute NO in my opinion?

Or is he asking her to pay off the debts at a higher rate now, using her income she is earning now, which is a marital asset? As opposed to just paying what he can afford from his salary while he contributes the same to household expenses etc?

I would not do either without a legal agreement in place confirming that if they get divorced, he owes her this money back with interest.

If you are not confident in your marriage, then why get married or stay married? Leave and find someone you trust fully

Because it is smRT TO PROTECT YOURSELF.

They why was there no prenup? And why wouldn't that protection include not every marrying in the first place? Not a lot of smart decision making in this hasty marriage where OPs daughter didn't even understand his debt situation.

That is why pro nups are available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you’re married, you’re one financial unit. For us, I had $60k in law school loans and one of our first acts as a married couple was to pay it all off from a joint account that had funds from both of us.

Sucks for your spouse. Surprised they married you. You should take care of your own debt.

DP here. My spouse's law school debt is around 2% interest. We are still making payments despite a NW over $5M.

Sucker

Pretty sure that you misunderstood the post.

[Anonymous]

Very odd conversation to me. I had an expensive MBA with 150k in debt, and graduated just before we were married. I’m not sure how a married couple/family can treat debt as belonging to only one person. It impacts the entire family and of course the spouse must help pay it off. Unless you want to live totally separate financial lives which is weird.

[Anonymous]

OP wouldn’t even ask the question but if the roles were reversed. Men would have no problems paying the wives’ student debt. They do this all the time. The wives even stay home and men support them and pay for everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you’re married, you’re one financial unit. For us, I had $60k in law school loans and one of our first acts as a married couple was to pay it all off from a joint account that had funds from both of us.

Sucks for your spouse. Surprised they married you. You should take care of your own debt.

Buy your own groceries and eat your own food. Even better buy each you own house and live separately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband paid off his first wife's college undergrad and masters degree debt. Well, he was the main breadwinner, and they used marital assets that he mostly earned to pay them off. If he had not done that, they would have remained in her name, and she would still be in debt and he would have gotten more money from the divorce because those marital assets would be higher.

Basically if they stay married, who cares if "she" pays off the debt. If they get divorced, he gets his debt paid off, and then gets to go off and earn lots of money as a doctor that she does not benefit from. Even if she becomes a SAHM. That's the risk.

Exactly. Remember that the “we’re a team” line that PPs are pushing ends when either party decides to leave.There are no guarantees that she benefits from his income at anytime.

[Anonymous]

What specialty is your son-in-law in? If oncologist or gynecologist, he will make money in no time. Those specialties are never going to die and those specialists are always going to be wealthy.

If your daughter married him knowing he had student debts and if you were fine then, you should be fine now. If he kept her in the dark before marriage and if his debts surfaced only now, I would be cautious.

In general, a married couple should be solving problems together, financial and other.

[Anonymous]

If she pays his debt, they should get a post-nup or revise existing pre-nup to protect her in case of a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she pays his debt, they should get a post-nup or revise existing pre-nup to protect her in case of a divorce.

This 100%.

I agree with the posters saying that you marry a person, debt and all.

What I don't like is that the title says he is "pressuring her." Maybe this is OP being overdramatic. Maybe he has been nagging OP's daughter non-stop since they got married. But either way there needs to be a respectful conversation and not one-sided pressure.

OP, I don't know how long they've been married, but if she's having misgivings about the situation, she needs to have a frank conversation with her husband about why she is feeling hesitant to do this. There is probably more to the story than just the debt. And if she can't have a conversation with him without him being defensive or yelling or pressuring with guilt, then that is an answer too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is he asking her to pay off his debts using her pre marital assets? That is an absolute NO in my opinion?

Or is he asking her to pay off the debts at a higher rate now, using her income she is earning now, which is a marital asset? As opposed to just paying what he can afford from his salary while he contributes the same to household expenses etc?

I would not do either without a legal agreement in place confirming that if they get divorced, he owes her this money back with interest.

If you are not confident in your marriage, then why get married or stay married? Leave and find someone you trust fully

Because it is smRT TO PROTECT YOURSELF.

They why was there no prenup? And why wouldn't that protection include not every marrying in the first place? Not a lot of smart decision making in this hasty marriage where OPs daughter didn't even understand his debt situation.

That is why pro nups are available.

You think the person that concerned about all this would now think to draw one up? I think OP is a meddling mother and her daughter isn’t that bothered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband paid off his first wife's college undergrad and masters degree debt. Well, he was the main breadwinner, and they used marital assets that he mostly earned to pay them off. If he had not done that, they would have remained in her name, and she would still be in debt and he would have gotten more money from the divorce because those marital assets would be higher.

Basically if they stay married, who cares if "she" pays off the debt. If they get divorced, he gets his debt paid off, and then gets to go off and earn lots of money as a doctor that she does not benefit from. Even if she becomes a SAHM. That's the risk.

Exactly. Remember that the “we’re a team” line that PPs are pushing ends when either party decides to leave. There are no guarantees that she benefits from his income at anytime.

This. Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband paid off his first wife's college undergrad and masters degree debt. Well, he was the main breadwinner, and they used marital assets that he mostly earned to pay them off. If he had not done that, they would have remained in her name, and she would still be in debt and he would have gotten more money from the divorce because those marital assets would be higher.

Basically if they stay married, who cares if "she" pays off the debt. If they get divorced, he gets his debt paid off, and then gets to go off and earn lots of money as a doctor that she does not benefit from. Even if she becomes a SAHM. That's the risk.

Exactly. Remember that the “we’re a team” line that PPs are pushing ends when either party decides to leave. There are no guarantees that she benefits from his income at anytime.

This. Ask me how I know.

Also remember the people that are always screaming “we are a team” are usually bringing a lot less to the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Is he asking her to pay it all in a lump sum, or to help pay it off over the term of the loan? I agree paying in a lump sum is a big ask and probably not smart, but as a couple they should contribute to the payoff over time, and as his income increases he will contribute a lot.