Please help...DC is falling apart in school and we don't know what to do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To answer PP questions -

DC was reassigned to a new teacher. Unfortunately, that didn't work either. DC was in the new teacher's class for a day or two before starting to "acting out." Since then, DC has been shuffled between 2-3 different teachers every day, including the K teacher. These teachers were chosen because DC's seemingly good relationships with them. DC has been in school for almost 2 months now. This has been going on for all but 3 weeks of this time period.

DC is not on an IEP. The anxiety was diagnosed the summer before K. The anxiety did not impact DC's behavior in K. DC had a great year (but DC also had an excellent K teacher). How do we start the IEP process?

At this point, it seems that no one at the school can manage DC, not even DC's beloved K teacher. DC is all over the place. DC is in a terrible cycle right now. I assume the IEP and FBA process takes time...what do we do in the meantime? DC is falling further behind in school, and getting worse by the day...

Frankly, the school, as patient as they've been, doesn't seem to know what they're doing either. We're not expecting the school to have all the answers, but they seem to be just as lost as we are.

I'm so sorry this is so hard. I would go to your pediatrician immediately and see if they can help you get an appointment sooner.

The bolded is going to make this problem worse though. Being shuffled around, never knowing what to expect, having a varying schedule, is probably exacerbating the issue. Even though its hard, he needs to be in the same classroom every day all day with the same routine so that he can calm down and feel more secure. I'm muddling through my own son's anxiety issues right now (luckily(?) they are at home and not school), so I don't have much advice, but being shuffled constantly would just spell DISASTER for him - and he's several years older than your son!

[Anonymous]

I suspect there are a number of people posting who haven't experienced a kid in crisis with anxiety. We had to put our DS on Prozac in early elementary school. The behaviors you describe, OP, sound so very familiar - including the inability to articulate the trigger and/or what he was feeling. He would go from 0 to 100 yet, an FBA didn't reveal any triggers or patterns (and it was one of the best FBAs our advocate had seen). DS had been taught many CBT techniques and could, when he was calm, speak about those techniques and what he should do. We didn't want to use medication but when he said he wanted to kill himself, his developmental pediatrician said it was time. DS had such an elevated baseline anxiety that he needed the medication to reduce that level and enable him to be more open to interventions.

I've since learned a lot more about anxiety and my only regret is that we didn't introduce medication earlier. It doesn't take much for anxiety to overwhelm the rational side of the brain. It's a very primitive, strong emotion and when it's firing on all cylinders is really hard to control. Both of my DSs have needed medication for it. The anxiety is still there but medication allows them to control it rather than it controlling them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my only child, and I have no idea what to do.

Six-year old DC is in 1st grade. Since the school year began, DC has been acting out significantly. DC is now unable to sit in any classroom for any length without falling apart. DC was diagnosed with anxiety a year ago and we know that plays a factor, but now we're testing DC for other things (LDs, ADHD, etc.). We've reached out to other professionals for help (child psychiatrist, multiple psychologists, the pediatrician, etc.) and aside from the pediatrician, we can't be seen by anyone for another 3-4 weeks (that includes testing). Meanwhile, DC can't get through the school day without multiple "incidents" and DH and I receiving multiple calls/reports. The only time DC seems able to function is when placed in a quiet room with one of the school's administrators. We've met with the school leadership multiple times to come up with a plan to help DC get through the day until we can sort things out with the health professionals, but that "plan" isn't working. DC is becoming increasing agitated and aggressive. At home, DC seems fine -- not their usual happy self, but we're not seeing the level of aggression DC is apparently demonstrating at school. DC's anxiety does seem heightened in other ways though. We talk to DC and we get very little, other than school is "bad." We can tell that DC is suffering, but don't know what to do. We're at a complete loss -- we can't even pinpoint how any of this began. DC had a great K at the same school. And we're suffering too, seeing DC suffer. Does anyone have any advice?

Signed,
Desperate parent at the end of their rope

Is this a boy?

And does the teacher use some kind of stoplight/color code/punishment type discipline system?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suspect there are a number of people posting who haven't experienced a kid in crisis with anxiety. We had to put our DS on Prozac in early elementary school. The behaviors you describe, OP, sound so very familiar - including the inability to articulate the trigger and/or what he was feeling. He would go from 0 to 100 yet, an FBA didn't reveal any triggers or patterns (and it was one of the best FBAs our advocate had seen). DS had been taught many CBT techniques and could, when he was calm, speak about those techniques and what he should do. We didn't want to use medication but when he said he wanted to kill himself, his developmental pediatrician said it was time. DS had such an elevated baseline anxiety that he needed the medication to reduce that level and enable him to be more open to interventions.

I've since learned a lot more about anxiety and my only regret is that we didn't introduce medication earlier. It doesn't take much for anxiety to overwhelm the rational side of the brain. It's a very primitive, strong emotion and when it's firing on all cylinders is really hard to control. Both of my DSs have needed medication for it. The anxiety is still there but medication allows them to control it rather than it controlling them.

+1 My kid in a similar situation needed medication. It took a while to get the medication right, so it was months of hell while we fiddled around. If the pediatrician will give you Zoloft, I'd start now and then get in with a child psychiatrist. If there are no immediate opennings, check regularly for cancellations.

[Anonymous]

We reached crisis towards the end of K and ended up pulling DS out of school at the beginning of May when he started hurting himself and threatening to kill himself. It took DS about 6 weeks to stabilize.

What the school is doing right now with multiple classrooms a day absolutely has to stop. That's doing nothing but making the problem worse. They need to do an FBA (which may or may not be ultimately useful) and start the process for an IEP. In our county, there is a short term therapeutic setting for kids in crisis but your county may not have something like that. I wouldn't discard the idea of pulling DS out of school for a month, though. Allowing him to stabilize is completely different than supporting his anxiety. First graders don't act like this when they're not in crisis.

Then the school needs to come up with a placement where your DC is able to access the curriculum. That might be an ED placement. ED was something I was really scared of for DS but retrospectively, the placement you want is the one that allows your DC to enjoy going to school, regardless of what that placement is called.

Regarding medication, we've been through several and DS is now on a mood stabilizer. Like PP's DC, this basically gets DS to a place where he's able to access the CBT techniques that he knows cognitively. DS is 10yo now and has been diagnosed with ASD, ADHD, and anxiety but K/1st were absolutely the hardest years which we got a handle on things.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Oh, I am so sorry, that feeling is the worst for both you and your child. I have had on and off years where I dread the end of the day when I get to hear all of the bad reports.

I've read all of the replies and I am not going to add you must do this or you must never do that-because ultimately you have to do what works for you and your child.

When we hit this in first grade I contacted the principal and the head of special education in our school. They put in place the timeline for evaluations and possibly an IEP. In the meantime, the special ed teacher went and watched my DC and she offered him ways to make him more comfortable in his environment (a chair pad, a theraband around his chair legs, and pencil grips), she talked with him and learned about what made him anxious. She talked with me and told me that behavior problems are a symptom of a problem in the environment, not of a bad kid. We evaluated and worked and reevaluated and worked.

All of the effort made things better, not perfect, but better. We had better and worse years and better and worse classes. The strategies we put in place carried with him to middle school through his IEP...hopefully soon I'll be able to tell you how the transition has gone.

I guess I am saying, you are doing a great job, the time, effort, and thought you are putting into this will benefit your child and you will not always feel this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your kid is being overwhelmed by the classroom environment. You can try earmuffs to cut down on noise, flash pass to take short breaks from the classroom and calming strategies for when he is agitated. School psychologist or special ed teacher should be able to help with calming strategies.

As a last resort, you can ask for a temporary transfer to an ED classroom. 5he smaller, calmer environment may help and the teachers are trained in de-escalation.

As drastic as that sounds, I've heard of this working before. It might be helpful for you psychologically as well (which is important to you helping her!) to have her in a more therepeutic setting where the teachers don't view her as a disruption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We reached crisis towards the end of K and ended up pulling DS out of school at the beginning of May when he started hurting himself and threatening to kill himself. It took DS about 6 weeks to stabilize.

What the school is doing right now with multiple classrooms a day absolutely has to stop. That's doing nothing but making the problem worse. They need to do an FBA (which may or may not be ultimately useful) and start the process for an IEP. In our county, there is a short term therapeutic setting for kids in crisis but your county may not have something like that. I wouldn't discard the idea of pulling DS out of school for a month, though. Allowing him to stabilize is completely different than supporting his anxiety. First graders don't act like this when they're not in crisis.

Then the school needs to come up with a placement where your DC is able to access the curriculum. That might be an ED placement. ED was something I was really scared of for DS but retrospectively, the placement you want is the one that allows your DC to enjoy going to school, regardless of what that placement is called.

Regarding medication, we've been through several and DS is now on a mood stabilizer. Like PP's DC, this basically gets DS to a place where he's able to access the CBT techniques that he knows cognitively. DS is 10yo now and has been diagnosed with ASD, ADHD, and anxiety but K/1st were absolutely the hardest years which we got a handle on things.

Good luck.

OP here. I will respond to other PP questions when I have more time. What is an ED placement?

[Anonymous]

OP, is this a private school, a regular public school, or a charter school. We need to know to advise you appropriately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, is this a private school, a regular public school, or a charter school. We need to know to advise you appropriately.

Regular public school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We reached crisis towards the end of K and ended up pulling DS out of school at the beginning of May when he started hurting himself and threatening to kill himself. It took DS about 6 weeks to stabilize.

What the school is doing right now with multiple classrooms a day absolutely has to stop. That's doing nothing but making the problem worse. They need to do an FBA (which may or may not be ultimately useful) and start the process for an IEP. In our county, there is a short term therapeutic setting for kids in crisis but your county may not have something like that. I wouldn't discard the idea of pulling DS out of school for a month, though. Allowing him to stabilize is completely different than supporting his anxiety. First graders don't act like this when they're not in crisis.

Then the school needs to come up with a placement where your DC is able to access the curriculum. That might be an ED placement. ED was something I was really scared of for DS but retrospectively, the placement you want is the one that allows your DC to enjoy going to school, regardless of what that placement is called.

Regarding medication, we've been through several and DS is now on a mood stabilizer. Like PP's DC, this basically gets DS to a place where he's able to access the CBT techniques that he knows cognitively. DS is 10yo now and has been diagnosed with ASD, ADHD, and anxiety but K/1st were absolutely the hardest years which we got a handle on things.

Good luck.

OP here. I will respond to other PP questions when I have more time. What is an ED placement?

Emotional Disability or Disorder

[Anonymous]

My child went through something similar in K. DC had such crushing anxiety that DC was acting out: hit another child, threw something at the teacher, ripped up classwork, broke down crying about having to leave the classroom for specials, lunch and recess.

It was one of the most stressful times of our lives. DC cried during the day... I cried at night!

We even had an IEP at the time! The environment need to change or be made less stressful until he can be pulled through this crisis. We ended up having to pull our child out and put DC into a small and quiet private school.

But we understood DC's triggers. The noise and constant rushing made our DC anxious. The changing classrooms made DC anxious. The lack of having the teacher constantly present made DC anxious. The pressure to write when DC had a fine motor delay made DC anxious.

I list these things so that you can see maybe some of the types of things that could be going on with your child. There are so many potential triggers. I'm so sorry, OP. I know the pain your family is going through right now!

[Anonymous]

I am glad you are pursuing additional evaluations. This sounds like my DD in 1st grade who ended up with diagnoses of dyslexia/ adhd/ anxiety. She literally couldn’t do the tasks that were asked of her and she shut down/ acted out.

In the short run the BIP might mean she gets a reward for just staying in the class.

It was a terrible time. So please know you aren’t alone and things will get better but it might take time. And I think it is critical to attend carefully to your relationship with your child right now. They need to know you are working through this with them and that you aren’t mad at them for their struggles. My DDs anxiety was exacerbated by her fear that she was letting us down too.

So making time for “time ins” was so important. I only realized this in hind sight when after her evaluation my DD said to me that now that we knew what was wrong with her maybe we could fix it so I could be proud of her. All of my energy had been on solving the problem, but my DD thought she was the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We reached crisis towards the end of K and ended up pulling DS out of school at the beginning of May when he started hurting himself and threatening to kill himself. It took DS about 6 weeks to stabilize.

What the school is doing right now with multiple classrooms a day absolutely has to stop. That's doing nothing but making the problem worse. They need to do an FBA (which may or may not be ultimately useful) and start the process for an IEP. In our county, there is a short term therapeutic setting for kids in crisis but your county may not have something like that. I wouldn't discard the idea of pulling DS out of school for a month, though. Allowing him to stabilize is completely different than supporting his anxiety. First graders don't act like this when they're not in crisis.

Then the school needs to come up with a placement where your DC is able to access the curriculum. That might be an ED placement. ED was something I was really scared of for DS but retrospectively, the placement you want is the one that allows your DC to enjoy going to school, regardless of what that placement is called.

Regarding medication, we've been through several and DS is now on a mood stabilizer. Like PP's DC, this basically gets DS to a place where he's able to access the CBT techniques that he knows cognitively. DS is 10yo now and has been diagnosed with ASD, ADHD, and anxiety but K/1st were absolutely the hardest years which we got a handle on things.

Good luck.

OP here. I will respond to other PP questions when I have more time. What is an ED placement?

You can't do a temporary placement b/c he doesn't have an IEP yet.

Try medication in addition to getting an IEP in place.

[Anonymous]

I also recommend an OT evaluation - an OT could help figure out some of the environmental or sensory triggers.