The married single mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read an article that got me thinking. The article claimed that, even though a woman’s husband was gone 5 days a week for work, he provided care for the children when he was home, and financial support as well. So she was in no way like a single mom.

So, if a mom IS divorced or otherwise “single”, but her ex has visitation of the children and pays child support and/or alimony, is she not really a single mom either?

Are the only true single moms the ones with deadbeat dads who don’t ever pay child support or see their kids?

I don't think that's a "claim." That's a "fact."

In no way is a married woman who is the primary caregiver but has a husband that provides financially and with child care relief a couple of days a week even remotely like a "single mom" with all of the pressures (and stigma) that signals.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There have been many, many threads discussing who gets to claim the label of “single mom,” like it was some prize or something.

I am a “true single mom.” I adopted a newborn as a single woman and have done it all in my own. But, really, I’m a “mom.” I don’t understand the obsession with labeling what kind of mom I am.

Why did you bring this up, OP?

You sound smug and like you think you deserve a medal. You don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there is some leeway in the terminology. There is a woman down the street whose husband is away at sea for 6-8 month deployments at a time. I don't think she can even contact him via text or phone. She may be married but it sure does seem to me that she is a "single mom" when her husband is away and she is fully responsible for the safety, health and care of their kids.

I can't remember what the specific form is called but we are her back-up for the kids if there is a national emergency and she can't get to them because of her job, which is also military. She literally cried when we agreed to do it and then got all the legal forms notarized. We were not super-close at the time but they were new to the area and had no one local to turn to.

There's still two incomes there.

I think "military spouse" is a separate classification in and of itself with an entirely different set of challenges and hardships. And it's not like a martyr mom, either. And a martyr mom who compares herself to women in these other categories runs the risk of being bitch-slapped and told off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There have been many, many threads discussing who gets to claim the label of “single mom,” like it was some prize or something.

I am a “true single mom.” I adopted a newborn as a single woman and have done it all in my own. But, really, I’m a “mom.” I don’t understand the obsession with labeling what kind of mom I am.

Why did you bring this up, OP?

You sound smug and like you think you deserve a medal. You don't.

I don't know, pp. I think most people who adopt a child deserve a medal. What have you done to improve the world?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There have been many, many threads discussing who gets to claim the label of “single mom,” like it was some prize or something.

I am a “true single mom.” I adopted a newborn as a single woman and have done it all in my own. But, really, I’m a “mom.” I don’t understand the obsession with labeling what kind of mom I am.

Why did you bring this up, OP?

You sound smug and like you think you deserve a medal. You don't.

Ha. Only bored with the discussion, PP.

But if people insist on sending the true single mom prize my way, yay me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are only a single mom if the other parent is not involved or dead.

My ex, who was very involved with our kids, died recently. As a result I am now a single mom. I feel a huge difference now that I am 100% on my own with them. Such a significant loss.

Honestly, I was more well rested as a divorced mom than I was when we were married. When we were married the kids were in my presence 24/7 and I did way more for the family on a consistent basis. Once we split he was forced to do his share because I was not around to pick up the slack.

Bull shit.

Can we just stop with the "who has it worse" contests? I'm a single mom. I get child support, and my ex hangs out with our kid (he doesn't PARENT - he's disney dad and does ONLY the fun parts - all of the WORK of parenting falls to ME) every other weekend. Ex also lives more than 300 miles away, so I'm really and truly on my own here in the DC area.

Mothers who are MARRIED are not single parents. If you are NOT married, and live as the sole adult in your house, then you are a single parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There have been many, many threads discussing who gets to claim the label of “single mom,” like it was some prize or something.

I am a “true single mom.” I adopted a newborn as a single woman and have done it all in my own. But, really, I’m a “mom.” I don’t understand the obsession with labeling what kind of mom I am.

Why did you bring this up, OP?

You so fit the stereotype of a "Single Mom By Choice" who belongs to one of those support groups that doesn't allow those of us with ex's to participate.

[Anonymous]

Why can’t women just support other women, whatever their situation is? It’s not a competition. You don’t get a prize for being the worst off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t women just support other women, whatever their situation is? It’s not a competition. You don’t get a prize for being the worst off.

Because its always a competition between women. I hate it too pp, but it is the way it is. We're our own worst enemies.

[Anonymous]

Single mom/dad means your winging it solo, without a partner to support you, by choice or by circumstance. Situations can vary depending on how active the other parent is to the child, but it doesn't make you more or less single. You're still at it alone. There are many who fit into this category.

[Anonymous]

Some single moms like to throw that term around because they enjoy the victimhood status. There is no greater self-proclaimed victim than some single moms. You can tell the self-pity runs deep in them. Obviously this doesn't apply to all single moms, but SOME.

You also know the self-pity race is real because some married women try to claim "single mom" status. It shouldn't be a competition, I agree, but women are naturally inclined to be bitchy and competitive so, IMHO, this discussion is fair game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There have been many, many threads discussing who gets to claim the label of “single mom,” like it was some prize or something.

I am a “true single mom.” I adopted a newborn as a single woman and have done it all in my own. But, really, I’m a “mom.” I don’t understand the obsession with labeling what kind of mom I am.

Why did you bring this up, OP?

You so fit the stereotype of a "Single Mom By Choice" who belongs to one of those support groups that doesn't allow those of us with ex's to participate.

Huh?

[Anonymous]

For the "true single mom pp"

Is the single woman who adopted by choice without a man greater than the single mom whose husband died when the infant was 2 weeks old?

Who of the two is the truer single mom?

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s about who has it harder. It’s about whether you’re doing it solo or with a partner. That’s what the term single means, that you are doing it without a partner.

A partner introduces other challenges, and often comes with benefits too, but it is just different.

Ironically, the married parents I know who are most like single parents, those whose spouses are deployed, or medically unable to contribute much, would be hurt to have their spouse discounted by calling them “single”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the "true single mom pp"

Is the single woman who adopted by choice without a man greater than the single mom whose husband died when the infant was 2 weeks old?

Who of the two is the truer single mom?

The title of single mom has nothing to do with how great you are. What a ridiculous question.