Straight female marrying a bi guy

[Anonymous]

Hmm. Historically there were a lot of these kinds of pragmatic marriages that were not based on love but for compatibility. The couple could often grow quite fond of each other and the shared resources allowed each other to get on with life. The ideal marriage is based on love but that doesn't mean there can't be other kinds of marriages.

If you are very fond of this man, have a low sex drive, and both of you enjoy each other's company and do not need sex from each other, then why not give it a shot? There are two risks I can see: 1) getting married and living together is not always going to turn out to be the same as your current relationship, things might change and you might not like it, and 3) he may meet another man, and 3) the implications of this kind of marriage with children in the house. Your kids are 19 and 16 and by inference I assume the 16 is still living at home? If you marry but it quickly sours that could be troublesome for the kids. Do the kids know that he is bisexual?

If I were you, I'd have an "engagement" that lasted until the youngest child has left home (2-3 years?) and if you and your partner are still keen for it, go for it. Just make sure all your assets are protected with a firm prenup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A marriage can be sexless...but loveless? You say you don't want sex, okay you're asexual. But you didn't say anything about him and whether he's attracted to you or anybody else. Honestly and not rhetorically, how would you feel if he "cheated" on you and the other way around?

The idea that marriage should be for love is very recent.

[Anonymous]

Has he ever lived with anyone? You may do everything together but you haven’t lived together, and that creates a different dynamic that can be challenging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This all sounds fine until one of you meets THE ONE. Be domestic partners or roommates.

Or he meets the one.

[Anonymous]

Wouldn't he want sex from you? He's bisexual. That means he's attracted to women too.

[Anonymous]

I'd say, get married if you want to save money but do not change anything else. You should each keep your place.

[Anonymous]

Terrible idea, and also fraudulent.

[Anonymous]

Why doesn't your best friend date? I'm confused about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Terrible idea, and also fraudulent.

Why is it fraudulent? It is two people coming together to make a family.

[Anonymous]

I think you guys just need to have a candid discussion about what happens when one of you meet someone that surprises you and you then want to have a relationship. If I were in this situation I think I’d just move in together and join lives but not finances. Look into whether you could qualify for domestic partner benefits. If you do decide to marry I would have a pre nup (specifying if anything happened to you your money would go to
Your kids and not him) and try to keep finances separate for most part.

[Anonymous]

I think combining lives might make sense, from a practical standpoint—for now. But are you planning on supporting each other emotionally for the long haul? If so, yes, go for it. If not, I still think a roommate or domestic partner situation could still work. But to commit to marriage means to commit to each other until the end. Frankly, I would do it in your shoes—the long haul—as long as I knew he was also fully committed to see it through until the end. Growing old sucks and growing old alone is worse. A marriage based on companionship later in life could be a really functional symbiotic relationship. You could take each other to doc appointments, travel together, spend your retirement years with each other’s companionship, etc.

Btw, have you vacationed together yet? I wouldn’t even consider this until you do.

Also, what is your family situation and his? Do you guys have siblings or living parents? Would you each be ok with the other having completely legal authority over matters as a spouse? To make medical decisions for each other? How would your respective families handle this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm bi and am married to a straight man. Just because I enjoy women doesn't mean that I can't enjoy men, too. That's the beauty of being bi. We have the best of both worlds.

Being bi doesn't automatically equate to being able to be with both when in a relationship. If your husband is ok with it, cool, but don't put other bi women in same category of you. Monogamy still exists

[Anonymous]

Is there a reason you specifically want to get married and not just live together as friends and roommates?

For the people talking about benefits, since gay marriage was made legal, a lot of insurance providers and employers have gotten rid of domestic coverage.

[Anonymous]

I think it's sweet. Who says that a marriage HAS to be built on sex or sexual preference? You have the makings of a great marriage - day to day compatibility, mutual friendship and respect. I'd say go for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wouldn't he want sex from you? He's bisexual. That means he's attracted to women too.

+1. Or are you thinking you'll have an arrangement where he only sleeps with men outside the marriage?

I'm not really seeing what's in this for him, particularly since he has such a large range of potential partners.