Husband "doesn't believe in savings"

[Anonymous]

Your savings account is your most important bill. It comes before everything else. If you can't save, you need to trim other bills. The only exception is for a temporary reason (like maternity leave) you need to take a break from saving.

My DH used to save the same way your DH does. This was well before we got married. He DID save, but not on a schedule which I did not like at all. I would not have married him if he didn't come around to my way of saving money.

The easiest most accessible way to accumulate wealth for most of us is to spend less than you make. It's very simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are people who do financial planning. Do you have an accountant for your taxes? Maybe they could recommend someone.

Perhaps give a general location and people might be able to recommend someone?

Rockville/Bethesda. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

You don't need a book or a financial adviser. What you need is a grown up that stops being selfish and foolish. And those $300 shoes ? Who is he trying to impress ? Those would have been returned before they were worn. Do you willy nilly spend $300 on your wants ? He's not a child. Children do things like that.

Everyday there are stupid husband posts. How in the hell did you so called smart women marry such defective men ? Is it really him or is it your poor choice in a mate ? I can't figure it out. Something is wrong. Too many of you marry pajama boys. You're babysitting men.

Can't save is one thing. Won't save is another. Instead of slamming him on here, you both need to sit down and make a plan.

I'll say this, if I had such a self centered husband, I'd have divorced long ago.

[Anonymous]

Coming to defend DH on shoes. OP does not give enough background here. Does he have the usual very small male work shoe wardrobe? Is he hard to fit? Does he take care of his shoes and keep them a long time? Are his current shoes to a point where even repair will not make them work presentable?

Buying men's shoes is often totally different than buying women's shoes.

My grandfather grew up in the depression and gladly spent a week's salary on a pair of shoes--very expensive for the time. He was hard to fit and needed very narrow shoes available only in the more expensive brands. Of course they were taken care of meticulously and he was looking at a useful life of a at least five years, if not ten.

[Anonymous]

Try Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University for a class. That might help. I believe you can also find counsellors that follow his methods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University for a class. That might help. I believe you can also find counsellors that follow his methods.

Thanks, I'll check it out. DH is awesome, just has a few blind spots that he's unaware of and needs an expert to set him straight on. Recs are appreciated!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only person I know like this had a father who died really young, so somewhere deep in his brain my friend didn't think he would ever live long enough to need savings. So he just didn't save. Ended up going to therapy for another reason, and worked this issue out too - the thinking he was going to die too young. Side effect: he started saving.

I had a business partner whose father died young. Really messes with your head, unsurprisingly. He lived for the moment - fancy dinners, great vacations, etc - and despite making million$, he was always broke. It was sad actually. Drove us apart as I am the exact opposite. The guy will bankrupt himself one day, or wake up closing in on retirement and realize it's all gone.

[Anonymous]

No advice for you OP. But WOW, your DH is selfish, especially with kids, and one with special needs at that.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of people are overwhelmed by the idea of saving. You barely make to adulthood, often burdened with student debt, and you are told to save for a house, save for college for the kids, save for retirement - each of which is hundreds of thousands of dollars. It's hard to see progress early on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a precursor for an issue that will last life-long. Get it fixed whatever it takes. It will take toll on your marriage eventually.

Absolutely. Flat out tell him he is 100% wrong. You save. Require him to let you take over the family finances. Get on a savings plan. Tell him no kids or buying new home until/unless he complies.
You wouldn't allow him to be an alcoholic or drug addict, would you? So don't allow him to be completely financially irresponsible.

[Anonymous]

I grew up with a family that always had money stress and I couldn't live with a man like that. I'm not really understanding. Does he contribute to a 401k at least?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with a family that always had money stress and I couldn't live with a man like that. I'm not really understanding. Does he contribute to a 401k at least?

He does now, as of maybe a year ago. I have a couple hundred thousand in mine, which isn't enough either. We've talked tonight- things are going to change, because the stress is really becoming overwhelming.

Thanks everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with a family that always had money stress and I couldn't live with a man like that. I'm not really understanding. Does he contribute to a 401k at least?

He does now, as of maybe a year ago. I have a couple hundred thousand in mine, which isn't enough either. We've talked tonight- things are going to change, because the stress is really becoming overwhelming.

Thanks everyone.

Keep in mind that a couple hundred thousand saved puts you in the rare minority of Americans. Most don't even have $100k at retirement. Glad you had the talk with the husband, but don't let DCUM folks panic you that you're in a huge hole!

[Anonymous]

My brother is the same way and we didn't grow up poor. He's a you only live once type of guy. I expect to take care of him when we're in old age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with a family that always had money stress and I couldn't live with a man like that. I'm not really understanding. Does he contribute to a 401k at least?

He does now, as of maybe a year ago. I have a couple hundred thousand in mine, which isn't enough either. We've talked tonight- things are going to change, because the stress is really becoming overwhelming.

Thanks everyone.

Keep in mind that a couple hundred thousand saved puts you in the rare minority of Americans. Most don't even have $100k at retirement. Glad you had the talk with the husband, but don't let DCUM folks panic you that you're in a huge hole!

The women in my family live until their mid- to late-nineties- I need to be prepared! Both sets of grandparents required very expensive care at the end of their lives (30 years post-retirement!), and I've seen how much it can cost.