Parent Behavior at Daycare

[Anonymous]

Actually the Director is really very sweet, this came from the new Board President...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bad business and a sign the director may be a poor manager, IMO. If you daycare has several frustrated parents that led to the director writing this note, there are possibly bigger problems at the daycare. If this is the way the director handles it I would wonder about how well the place is run.

I have several customer support groups in my organization and dealing with frustrated clients is an important part of any business, including daycare. First, if someone is very frustrated about something 9 times out of 10 there is some substance to it. Even if it was a well meaning mistake, it is amazing how far acknowledging the problem and apologizing can go. Often this is not the first reaction from employees or poor managers. If they get defensive or convey they don't care then an upset client becomes an very upset client pretty fast. A good manager can handle a situation like this and realize that for every client or parent complaint there are possibly 5 other parents not coming forward but encountering the same thing and considering leaving.

Its crazy not to engage parents and protect enrollments in this economy. An admin staff that punts parents that complain about them and writes newsletters like this could be very irresponsible. They probably feel they are protecting themselves and can afford a few open spots. When they start cutting back on teacher hours/pay and start blaming the economy for their enrollment problems then it could affect everyone.

Maybe...or maybe not. My son's been in several team sport leagues over the past couple of years, and parents are required to sign a document that they will not yell at the coaches or the kids. You'd think that's a given, right? But no, it's not. It's a nice league and most parents are nice. But there's often one whose behavior is over the top, up in coaches' faces, berating their own kid on the sidelines. I think parents get so emotionally wrapped up in their kids that whatever bad behavior the parents may be prone to seems to come out 10 fold when their kids are involved.

I could be completely wrong, since my kids don't go to the day care in question. I just figured they must have experienced over-the-top parent behavior to issue such a letter. If not, then the letter is probably not the best way to handle whatever they are dealing with.

[Anonymous]

Its crazy not to engage parents and protect enrollments in this economy. An admin staff that punts parents that complain about them and writes newsletters like this could be very irresponsible.

Even in this economy, there are plenty of good daycares with long waiting lists, so protecting enrollment is no (and shouldn't be) a center's first concern. Moreover, the most important aspect of quality daycare is the quality of staff, and the center has an obligation to make sure that it creates an environment that good staff members will want to work in. A good center needs collaboration from staff, management, and parents, and if you don't think there are some crazydemandingunreasonable parents out there, you are either new to daycare or you are that parent.

[Anonymous]

Its arrogant and selfish to think a centers first concern shouldn't be enrollment. If you build it they will come?
There is something seriously flawed with this way of thinking. This attitude invites the behavior.

[Anonymous]

"Maybe...or maybe not. My son's been in several team sport leagues over the past couple of years, and parents are required to sign a document that they will not yell at the coaches or the kids. You'd think that's a given, right? But no, it's not. It's a nice league and most parents are nice. But there's often one whose behavior is over the top, up in coaches' faces, berating their own kid on the sidelines. I think parents get so emotionally wrapped up in their kids that whatever bad behavior the parents may be prone to seems to come out 10 fold when their kids are involved."


Remember the parents from MoCo that were banned from some soccer games due to the parents' unsportsmanlike conduct. Parents sometimes do get out of control. Daycares are staffed by people of all levels, some who are experienced administrators, some who are early childhood educators, and some who are aides. All are very valuable to the process. But, not all are going to be capable of dealing with angry parents - nor should they have to. If certain parents have been out of control, which it sounds like they have, I think the letter from the school is a good first step to getting them back on track. Afterall, the school has the option of expelling children whose parents can't keep it together.

[Anonymous]

Sports are competitive games where the parents get caught up in a bad call, or the fact that their kid hasn't played enough, which result in emotionally charged arguments, that must be resolved in a small window of time so the game may move forward. This letter seems different.

[Anonymous]

"Even in this economy, there are plenty of good daycares with long waiting lists, so protecting enrollment is no (and shouldn't be) a center's first concern. Moreover, the most important aspect of quality daycare is the quality of staff, and the center has an obligation to make sure that it creates an environment that good staff members will want to work in. A good center needs collaboration from staff, management, and parents, and if you don't think there are some crazydemandingunreasonable parents out there, you are either new to daycare or you are that parent. "

Perhaps enrollment is not an issue in some of the DC or workplace based centers that offer other incentives or have high density but this is not the case in most suburban centers. Keep in mind that they need enrollments in all classes to make their operating budget, teachers are paid a ridiculously low salary around $12 to maybe $14 an hour, and the toys/materials/facilities are often in need in upkeep. Losing a few parents has a big impact if the admin staff cares about these things.

I developed a casual friendship with one of the directors at a center. While I liked her alot on a personal level, she was very unprepared to deal with managing parents, teachers, and logistics. The admin layer above her was awful and had definetely developed an attitude that they(parents) are wrong and we (center staff) are right. I saw how she would take any parent complaint personally, not really address the issue, and then get frustrated when the parents would come back as a group to complain. I tried to give her tips that were a few simple things she could do but the culture was too much well this is daycare what do they expect or not realizing that they could improve things. She had been a good teacher and was a good person but just not ready to run something and was not given any useful training.

One issue we saw, and I wonder if this happens at other places, is that the staff develop personal relationships with each other which affects professional decisions. In one room, there was a teacher who had been there for many years and the staff were friends with her. She was either burnt out or simply not up to the job anymore. I know that every parent complained at some point that she was just sitting and watching the babies not playing with them, putting them in strollers to avoid moving around, and was completely unable to manage the room if she was alone. Each parent was told that X was beloved throughout the center which couldn't have been farthest from the truth. You could see how it was exhausting for the other teacher in the room when X was there but since they were friends the other teachers worked twice as hard to cover her. It was a pretty bad situation and a better director would have dealt with a difficult situation for sake of the kids. Some of the parents were very upset and others just left.

A good center needs to maintain a level of honest reflection, understand that parents are passionate about their kids, work to address problems, and manage all the parties involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sports are competitive games where the parents get caught up in a bad call, or the fact that their kid hasn't played enough, which result in emotionally charged arguments, that must be resolved in a small window of time so the game may move forward. This letter seems different.

I see your point. And agree that sports are more likely to bring out bad behavior. But at my own day care, a mother of another kid in the twos FREAKED OUT because her son wasn't given the organic milk she brought in, and instead was given conventional milk. Her finger all up in the teacher's face. Unbelievable to me. I walked in the room to pick up my child, and tried to calm the situation down. And that's saying a lot because I'm typically shy and stay out of things like this. I just felt seriously bad for the day care teacher. And the kids (including mine) who were huddled in shock over on the other side of the room.

That child got moved to the other twos class -- by the day care's decision or the mother's -- I have no idea. But he was moved the next day. If there weren't another twos room, I'm not sure what would have happened.

[Anonymous]

So the intent of the letter is this- We have plenty of children enrolled, enrollment is never a problem (or "concern"), if you cross me, as board president, I will throw your family out of our daycare.

[Anonymous]

New poster. OP, I think the letter is condescending, rude and unnecessary. The same message could have been delivered in a more appropriate way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New poster. OP, I think the letter is condescending, rude and unnecessary. The same message could have been delivered in a more appropriate way.

I agree with this poster. If there are issues with individual parents, they need to be addressed with those parents. Writing a blanket statement like that is not very constructive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually the Director is really very sweet, this came from the new Board President...

New poster here......If that statement came from a new Board President, someone should make it their mission to get him thrown off the board. He sounds like a total hot head. The letter was completely unnecessary IMO.

[Anonymous]

I have to say I am not offended by the note, parents should not be rude to the teachers unless there is a serious event which would cause the parent to question the safety of the kids. If there is a problem, parents should address this with the administrators.

OP - how has the care been? Have there been a rash of mistakes made by staff? What kinds of issues are these disputes about? Are the kids happy and thriving? Have you had confrontations with the staff?

It sounds as if this is a new daycare center. Is this a downtown center (they kind with years long waitlists)? I am a daycare parent and I do not think it is the type of service where the "customer is always right" for lack of a better phrase. The school administrators should be experts in childcare and treated with respect by the parents (and parents should be treated with respect by the school employees). I look at the teachers and directors at my daughter's center as a resource to help me with any issues she may be going through and we work together. There could be circumstances that upset me, but I would hope I would approach it diplomatically in light of the history I have with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New poster. OP, I think the letter is condescending, rude and unnecessary. The same message could have been delivered in a more appropriate way.

I agree 100% with this post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got the same letter - and had the same initial reaction (husband did also). It seems like if they had a particular problem with someone, they should have just addressed it with that particular person. It seemed kinda creepy - just my opinion.

We agree with this post.