PSA-Hoco season

[Anonymous]

OP, I was an unpopular kid in high school and often excluded. If I attempted to invite myself and was reluctantly included, it felt even worse. No one wants a pity invite.

Kids are going to plan things with those they want to plan things with, just like an adult. I tried a few times to gently prompt my teen to include her whole friend group in this or that plan. Finally she got fed up with me and told me point blank, “Mom, we do things without each other all the time. It’s ok.”

[Anonymous]

Thank god I have a son in high school who could give a crap about any of this. My younger is a girl and I dread this bullshit.

Some of you are awful though. It’s not a terrible idea to say to your kids hey make sure you’re including anyone in your friend group. What is the downside of this? Then they’ll do what they are going to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It always takes me forever to figure out abbreviations. Probably because no schools around here have homecoming dances. But it’s a good idea to discuss plans with your kid and ask questions like ‘is Tess going with you’.
Some kids do need help with this.

+1 to this.

Some of you are so unkind.

[Anonymous]

OP can you get ahead of it by having everyone meet at your house for pictures, etc.? You can have your DC start initiating that.

[Anonymous]

I have a kid who is not super social either and doesn't make plans.

I wouldn't ask other parents to remind their kids to include. I will remind my kid that if they want to do something for Homecoming they have have to initiate plans themself or talk to other proactively!

Don't put this on other people and don't make this about parents when you're talking about high schoolers. Use this as an opportuity to talk to your almost adult child about relationships and risks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a kid who is not super social either and doesn't make plans.

I wouldn't ask other parents to remind their kids to include. I will remind my kid that if they want to do something for Homecoming they have have to initiate plans themself or talk to other proactively!

Don't put this on other people and don't make this about parents when you're talking about high schoolers. Use this as an opportuity to talk to your almost adult child about relationships and risks.

I don’t understand why it doesn’t extend both ways. Yes they are high schoolers but we have no role in their life anymore? The role changes. But it’s really okay to still guide them in less intrusive ways. I have one kid who is less social and one who is always included. I say one passing comment to both of them.

What are you thinking for homecoming? That is for the unsocial kid. Just cue to think about being proactive.

Your plan sounds fun and think about any kids who might not have plans yet. We’re happy to have anyone here to the house ahead of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents, please remind your kids to be inclusive as they make HoCo plans. DD has friends but is exceptionally shy and I can see her getting left out of Hoco plans by her own friends as they make their own plans. Remind your kids to reach out (and not assume their friends have other plans).

Also, with group-plans, inclusivity means ensuring the group is diverse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought this was some sort of post about Howard County sports season.

This is ridiculously early.

Our HoCo is in September so some kids will start making plans soon I’d guess. I would assume OP, the mom of a shy kid, dreads these events and so it is on her mind earlier than it would be for others. I liked the reminder because I don’t need my DS telling me he needs a suit 4 days beforehand like he did last year. He’s grown a lot since so no chance last year’s is fitting.

[Anonymous]

We did this last year, almost verbatim OP. Will this one get locked too? Hoco seasons brings out the claws.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1233281.page

[Anonymous]

OP, I hear you. Side note but I hate this time of year and prom season. Some parents are just clueless and do not understand how hard it can be for kids who have social difficulties. Have some empathy people. My older DS was always so stressed finding a group (and sometimes being told to his face by his friends that there was no room). Younger DC has social difficulties so has no group to even try to join. Will be happy to be past HoCo and then just one prom to go and then we can put this behind us!

[Anonymous]

I don’t at all force, but always encourage inclusivity with my kids. Thankfully, their friends’ parents seem to do the same.

It’s not hard, people.

[Anonymous]

Geez, parents. I think there is somewhere in between planning their group for them and saying no way your kid can figure it out herself.

I have boys and they can be clueless. When I hear them making plans, I often simply ask "what's so and so doing" or "did you remember to include ___"? It's still up to them to follow through, but at least sets the tone that it's important to think about who you might be unintentionally forgetting.

[Anonymous]

God some of you are such bi---es and I see why all the mean girl sh-- continues 30 years later.

Shame on all of you saying "no."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Geez, parents. I think there is somewhere in between planning their group for them and saying no way your kid can figure it out herself.

I have boys and they can be clueless. When I hear them making plans, I often simply ask "what's so and so doing" or "did you remember to include ___"? It's still up to them to follow through, but at least sets the tone that it's important to think about who you might be unintentionally forgetting.

We do this too, and so do other parents in our group. Boys can be really clueless.

Anyway, doing this isn’t pressure. One year, DS said, oh I’ll ask him. The other year he said, we aren’t really in the same group anymore. Both answers are fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought this was some sort of post about Howard County sports season.

This is ridiculously early.

Our school’s homecoming is 9/26. I assure that plans have already been made or are in the later stages for many groups. My DD who wanted to switch into a different homecoming group this year started laying the ground work over the summer.