How would you handle this? Punishment?

[Anonymous]

Agree with all previous posters. Skin picking is often due to anxiety, but it’s also a very difficult habit to break. Breaking this behavior pattern will require some real work. Punishment for skin picking will exacerbate stress, which will cause more anxiety, which will make it harder to stop the behavior. You need to be a source of support and help figure out strategies to interrupt the mindless skin picking. Even kids who don’t seem outwardly anxious may pick skin when they’re stressed. You may think everything is just fine in your DD’s life and that she has no good reason to be anxious, but that’s what anxiety (the mental health diagnosis, not the emotion itself) is all about. It’s not rational; it’s a stress response that is disproportionate to any actual threat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because dermatologists are not mental health experts

But… you all are?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with all previous posters. Skin picking is often due to anxiety, but it’s also a very difficult habit to break. Breaking this behavior pattern will require some real work. Punishment for skin picking will exacerbate stress, which will cause more anxiety, which will make it harder to stop the behavior. You need to be a source of support and help figure out strategies to interrupt the mindless skin picking. Even kids who don’t seem outwardly anxious may pick skin when they’re stressed. You may think everything is just fine in your DD’s life and that she has no good reason to be anxious, but that’s what anxiety (the mental health diagnosis, not the emotion itself) is all about. It’s not rational; it’s a stress response that is disproportionate to any actual threat.

Thank you. I truly had no idea. I will definitely be looking into getting her some help and offering her support. And punishment is obviously off the table! I feel foolish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because dermatologists are not mental health experts

But… you all are?

We all either have anxiety or relatives with anxiety and we’ve been down this road. Isolated skin picking happens because the skin is itchy or there’s some physical reward in picking. What you’re describing is your dd having difficulty stopping the picking even though she doesn’t want to pick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with all previous posters. Skin picking is often due to anxiety, but it’s also a very difficult habit to break. Breaking this behavior pattern will require some real work. Punishment for skin picking will exacerbate stress, which will cause more anxiety, which will make it harder to stop the behavior. You need to be a source of support and help figure out strategies to interrupt the mindless skin picking. Even kids who don’t seem outwardly anxious may pick skin when they’re stressed. You may think everything is just fine in your DD’s life and that she has no good reason to be anxious, but that’s what anxiety (the mental health diagnosis, not the emotion itself) is all about. It’s not rational; it’s a stress response that is disproportionate to any actual threat.

Thank you. I truly had no idea. I will definitely be looking into getting her some help and offering her support. And punishment is obviously off the table! I feel foolish.

There’s no reason to feel foolish. You’re in a situation you didn’t know much about and you asked for help. You’ve done nothing wrong. You handled this well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with all previous posters. Skin picking is often due to anxiety, but it’s also a very difficult habit to break. Breaking this behavior pattern will require some real work. Punishment for skin picking will exacerbate stress, which will cause more anxiety, which will make it harder to stop the behavior. You need to be a source of support and help figure out strategies to interrupt the mindless skin picking. Even kids who don’t seem outwardly anxious may pick skin when they’re stressed. You may think everything is just fine in your DD’s life and that she has no good reason to be anxious, but that’s what anxiety (the mental health diagnosis, not the emotion itself) is all about. It’s not rational; it’s a stress response that is disproportionate to any actual threat.

Thank you. I truly had no idea. I will definitely be looking into getting her some help and offering her support. And punishment is obviously off the table! I feel foolish.

There’s no reason to feel foolish. You’re in a situation you didn’t know much about and you asked for help. You’ve done nothing wrong. You handled this well!

+1

OP you came here to ask a question and got some good advice. Mission accomplished! No need to feel foolish at all.

[Anonymous]

Don’t feel foolish! Your frustration was understandable and many of us probably would have felt the same. You didn’t know the underlying reason and now you do and you’re taking the next right steps. That’s the best we can do as parents. You’re a good mom and you got this.

[Anonymous]

I have this and it is impossible to break. I do it in my sleep just when I think I am making some progress. I have 3 spots on my face now I am working on. I hate it!

Also try those zit cover patches…that sometimes helps me to stay away long enough to heal spots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with all previous posters. Skin picking is often due to anxiety, but it’s also a very difficult habit to break. Breaking this behavior pattern will require some real work. Punishment for skin picking will exacerbate stress, which will cause more anxiety, which will make it harder to stop the behavior. You need to be a source of support and help figure out strategies to interrupt the mindless skin picking. Even kids who don’t seem outwardly anxious may pick skin when they’re stressed. You may think everything is just fine in your DD’s life and that she has no good reason to be anxious, but that’s what anxiety (the mental health diagnosis, not the emotion itself) is all about. It’s not rational; it’s a stress response that is disproportionate to any actual threat.

Thank you. I truly had no idea. I will definitely be looking into getting her some help and offering her support. And punishment is obviously off the table! I feel foolish.

I'm really glad you listened with an open mind. Maybe think of this next time you are struggling with an issue - consider what's actually happening before you and your DH start formulating punishments?

[Anonymous]

OP, there are also fidgets called "Picky Pads" that many people with this behavior use as a replacement. I'm glad you're considering it from a mental health lens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see why the girl has anxiety behaviors.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, there are also fidgets called "Picky Pads" that many people with this behavior use as a replacement. I'm glad you're considering it from a mental health lens.

I just ordered one from Etsy and DD is thrilled! Thanks so much for the suggestion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whoa whoa whoa. You are TOTALLY misreading this situation. This is NOT a dermatological problem. This is a mental health issue, one that I’ve struggled with since I was 11/12 (I’m 40 now). It’s called dermatilllomania (sp?). For me, it was a manifestation of anxiety. If she says she wants clear skin and is STILL picking at it, that’s most likely what she’s dealing with, and punishment is absolutely the wrong approach. Get her to a psychologist who specialize in this, stat. It took me a decade as an adult to get this under control, and I ish my parents had figured it out/treated it when I was young.

And if you’re thinking “she doesn’t seem anxious” - neither did I.

OP, all of the above. And frankly, you sound really intense. I’ll bet you’re part of the reason for whatever is causing the underlying anxiety. Perhaps, back off a bit. Especially school if you tend to nag about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with all previous posters. Skin picking is often due to anxiety, but it’s also a very difficult habit to break. Breaking this behavior pattern will require some real work. Punishment for skin picking will exacerbate stress, which will cause more anxiety, which will make it harder to stop the behavior. You need to be a source of support and help figure out strategies to interrupt the mindless skin picking. Even kids who don’t seem outwardly anxious may pick skin when they’re stressed. You may think everything is just fine in your DD’s life and that she has no good reason to be anxious, but that’s what anxiety (the mental health diagnosis, not the emotion itself) is all about. It’s not rational; it’s a stress response that is disproportionate to any actual threat.

Thank you. I truly had no idea. I will definitely be looking into getting her some help and offering her support. And punishment is obviously off the table! I feel foolish.

I'm really glad you listened with an open mind. Maybe think of this next time you are struggling with an issue - consider what's actually happening before you and your DH start formulating punishments?

OP, try not turning this into a thing. Same poster as above, btw. I’ve had a child with the same tendencies and it was recommended I just ignore it and back off of generally stressing the kid out. That worked. Try backing off before making this the next course of anxiety for your kid (feeling anxious about there anxiety). Just leave it for now.

[Anonymous]

Can you bandage it or otherwise cover it somehow? Picking at it may be automatic and she may not be fully aware she’s doing it. Covering it could serve both to protect the area and to help remind her to leave it alone.