Sexually Active Son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This can’t be real. Who is opening the door and letting them in? Where are you when this is happening? Bound and gagged to the dining room chair? Parent up if this is real and manage your house. Your house, your child, your rules.

See I am working from 8 AM to 5PM-8Pm, I have spent a lot of time with my son in his early years, and I would like to think I did a good job. He has a 4.2 GPA, he works very hard in school and plays 3 sports. He never wanted me to interfere with his relationships with friends or in this case, girlfriends, because he said he needed these people in his life and it helps him excel in life, and I never questioned it. I do not want to intrude now, and that is why I am asking for help on how to tell him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For one condoms.
Leave them in his room

I assume he is already using those, that is not the worry it is the fact that he is doing it in the first place.

Pretty big assumption.

1) give him condoms, and 2) have a conversation with him about respect. Having sex in the basement with other people around, especially your mother, is not respectful. He needs to understand boundaries. But for him to understand boundaries, you are going to have to set them.

His mother is not in the picture, it is just me and him at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him you are concerned he is going to get HIV or get someone pregnant and he needs to be more careful .

This is my biggest fear, and I have told him about this for a long time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have different girls coming in and out of my house every day, and I am genuinely concerned for my son. He is telling me that they are just hanging out, but I can hear what is going on. I want my son to be able to be comfortable talking to the opposite sex, but not like this. I do not know what to tell him or how to approach this.

You need to talk to him about birth control. He needs to be using condoms, every single time.

You also need to talk to him about respect and consent.

I would also get him a book, The GoofyFoot Guide to Getting it On. It has lots of answers to questions he might have, and is very clear and positive in its approach to sexual ethics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have different girls coming in and out of my house every day, and I am genuinely concerned for my son. He is telling me that they are just hanging out, but I can hear what is going on. I want my son to be able to be comfortable talking to the opposite sex, but not like this. I do not know what to tell him or how to approach this.

You need to talk to him about birth control. He needs to be using condoms, every single time.

You also need to talk to him about respect and consent.

I would also get him a book, The GoofyFoot Guide to Getting it On. It has lots of answers to questions he might have, and is very clear and positive in its approach to sexual ethics.

Finally a helpful answer, I will look into that, thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you let them in?

Not home when they come

[Anonymous]

Is the other parent involved? Do you have sibling or parent who lives local who can babysit while you are working late? This child needs adult supervision after school.

[Anonymous]

Tell him friends are not allowed in his room and let him babysit a toddler for a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This can’t be real. Who is opening the door and letting them in? Where are you when this is happening? Bound and gagged to the dining room chair? Parent up if this is real and manage your house. Your house, your child, your rules.

See I am working from 8 AM to 5PM-8Pm, I have spent a lot of time with my son in his early years, and I would like to think I did a good job. He has a 4.2 GPA, he works very hard in school and plays 3 sports. He never wanted me to interfere with his relationships with friends or in this case, girlfriends, because he said he needed these people in his life and it helps him excel in life, and I never questioned it. I do not want to intrude now, and that is why I am asking for help on how to tell him.

Enjoy your grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Take a picture of each girl he brings home and create a wall of shame just outside his bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP!

Sorry you are dealing with stressing over this.

This is the way a cohort of kids are “doing it” these days. I won’t say “all” or even “most”.

But a significant cohort in high school join in this “hookup culture.”

What’s laughable are the mommies responding here who seem so shocked; this shows how out of touch many of you are about the world your kids live in. OP’s situation probably isn’t shocking to the teens themselves in 2024; they probably know all about it from their social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP!

Sorry you are dealing with stressing over this.

This is the way a cohort of kids are “doing it” these days. I won’t say “all” or even “most”.

But a significant cohort in high school join in this “hookup culture.”

What’s laughable are the mommies responding here who seem so shocked; this shows how out of touch many of you are about the world your kids live in. OP’s situation probably isn’t shocking to the teens themselves in 2024; they probably know all about it from their social media.

Hi again OP; I didn’t mean to imply you should just ignore it though.

At a minimum, you need to be the responsible adult and provide condoms. Sounds like LOTS of them; not some lame 3-pack he will use up in one night. Try Costco for bulk condoms.

Also: conversation: sure it’s hard to have those talks, but you need to do it. Make sure he’s using a condom all the time, every time. No condom? No sex!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This can’t be real. Who is opening the door and letting them in? Where are you when this is happening? Bound and gagged to the dining room chair? Parent up if this is real and manage your house. Your house, your child, your rules.

See I am working from 8 AM to 5PM-8Pm, I have spent a lot of time with my son in his early years, and I would like to think I did a good job. He has a 4.2 GPA, he works very hard in school and plays 3 sports. He never wanted me to interfere with his relationships with friends or in this case, girlfriends, because he said he needed these people in his life and it helps him excel in life, and I never questioned it. I do not want to intrude now, and that is why I am asking for help on how to tell him.

The fact that you are so scared of confronting your son about something that is CLEARLY a boundary violation for you, hence you instead turning to a forum of strangers, tells me you're parenting him from a place of anxiety and fear.

Where is his father in this equation? Is he of a similar mind to you (i.e. the promiscuity your son is engaging in is not a good idea) or does he encourage it or not see it as a big deal?

You might be too enmeshed with your son to handle this issue clearly and directly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For one condoms.
Leave them in his room

I assume he is already using those, that is not the worry it is the fact that he is doing it in the first place.

Pretty big assumption.

1) give him condoms, and 2) have a conversation with him about respect. Having sex in the basement with other people around, especially your mother, is not respectful. He needs to understand boundaries. But for him to understand boundaries, you are going to have to set them.

His mother is not in the picture, it is just me and him at home.

WAIT. You're the father??? And you're this anxious and fearful of telling your son what is or isn't acceptable in your home? You're screwed.

[Anonymous]

Yes to condoms.

But selection matters here, for safer-sex. Spermicidal-coated, lubricated condoms are best for PIV, but that alone is not enough. OP you need to talk to him about using condoms for oral, for his own protection as well as the girl’s.

Non-lubricated condoms are needed here; the flavored ones are mostly designed for this sort of protection.

You need to buy both kinds.