Empty nesters- What do you talk about with your spouse

[Anonymous]

"What should be our next house project", pets, children, latest streaming shows (his and mine and ours), current events briefly because we both get so worked up, mutual friends.

Pick a volunteer or charitable activity for something you both care about.

[Anonymous]

Design
Car racing
Car design
Movies
Concerts
Music we like
Books
Basketball
Soccer
Stuff that happens in our jobs
The dog
Home repairs
Health stuff
Flower/vegetable garden
What we'll do next with friends

[Anonymous]

When I was a teenager, I waited tables in the local Friendly’s.

I could always tell the married couples, because they sat there and ate in silence.

[Anonymous]

You are lucky to be married.

I am a single parent living through empty best (kid is not just in college, but grown and moved hours away).

It is very boring and quiet in my house. I do chores, and eat most meals alone. I have a few friends for taking walks. And sometimes eat out…but no one very close. No one to travel with, no one to support me during scary appointments.

It is worse than your “doom” OP.

[Anonymous]

* nest

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The same things we’ve talked about our whole relationship. Are you saying while you had kids at home you only talked about your kids and work?

OFC not. But kids were the focus. The activities, schools, friendships, playdates, sports, etc. etc. When that is gone, there is a LOT of space to fill. I have no idea how I filled that time before having a baby. It's just a blur.

Then you have them. And then it's just . . . . done. Some of us feel the grief of the loss. The confusion of what to do with our time. I know I'm struggling with that right now.

This response is a good reminder for young couples to nurture their relationship while they are in the early child raising years.

[Anonymous]

Right now, quilting robotics. I just ordered an upgrade and he’s fascinated with the concept (engineer) and would love to develop an IOS version. He’s eager to try out the software on the Samsung tablet I have once we get it installed. If I’m involved fixing a sewing machine for someone, he often has to get out a screw or explain to me how the step motors work so I’m not just replacing parts. He sometimes complains if I ask him something but usually it’s “hey, that motor sounds weak…let me look at that”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The same things we’ve talked about our whole relationship. Are you saying while you had kids at home you only talked about your kids and work?

OFC not. But kids were the focus. The activities, schools, friendships, playdates, sports, etc. etc. When that is gone, there is a LOT of space to fill. I have no idea how I filled that time before having a baby. It's just a blur.

Then you have them. And then it's just . . . . done. Some of us feel the grief of the loss. The confusion of what to do with our time. I know I'm struggling with that right now.

This response is a good reminder for young couples to nurture their relationship while they are in the early child raising years.

I mean, this is kind of a helpful response but also kind of smug. We do have hobbies and jobs. We have friends we hang with, separate and together. But the fact is, kids suck a lot of the time. A lot of the time. And when you have no family to help it's even more so the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was a teenager, I waited tables in the local Friendly’s.

I could always tell the married couples, because they sat there and ate in silence.

A few years ago my husband and I were in a restaurant on Valentines Day. The couple at the table next to us never said a word but they were constantly typing on their phones which were on their laps. My husband said “I bet they are sexting each other talking about the wild sex they plan on having.”. I almost spit out my wine laughing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The same things we’ve talked about our whole relationship. Are you saying while you had kids at home you only talked about your kids and work?

OFC not. But kids were the focus. The activities, schools, friendships, playdates, sports, etc. etc. When that is gone, there is a LOT of space to fill. I have no idea how I filled that time before having a baby. It's just a blur.

Then you have them. And then it's just . . . . done. Some of us feel the grief of the loss. The confusion of what to do with our time. I know I'm struggling with that right now.

I think your impulses are normal. You need to be independent people and develop more interests and indulge in hobbies. Some of these things can be things you do together, if a shared interest. But other things should be individual pursuits. Keeps you active and provides conversation fodder. Sitting around bored will lead to nothing to talk about. But getting out there takes a conscious effort.

Be warned: It's often the woman who puts herself out there while the man putters about the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The same things we’ve talked about our whole relationship. Are you saying while you had kids at home you only talked about your kids and work?

OFC not. But kids were the focus. The activities, schools, friendships, playdates, sports, etc. etc. When that is gone, there is a LOT of space to fill. I have no idea how I filled that time before having a baby. It's just a blur.

Then you have them. And then it's just . . . . done. Some of us feel the grief of the loss. The confusion of what to do with our time. I know I'm struggling with that right now.

This response is a good reminder for young couples to nurture their relationship while they are in the early child raising years.

I mean, this is kind of a helpful response but also kind of smug. We do have hobbies and jobs. We have friends we hang with, separate and together. But the fact is, kids suck a lot of the time. A lot of the time. And when you have no family to help it's even more so the case.

NP: No one said it was easy. But a lot of couples make the fatal flaw of making their children the center of the family unit. The spousal relationship should be first and foremost. Children come second. People who make the family revolve around the children are the ones who end up divorced or strangers in an empty nest.

[Anonymous]

We talk about getting divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The same things we’ve talked about our whole relationship. Are you saying while you had kids at home you only talked about your kids and work?

OFC not. But kids were the focus. The activities, schools, friendships, playdates, sports, etc. etc. When that is gone, there is a LOT of space to fill. I have no idea how I filled that time before having a baby. It's just a blur.

Then you have them. And then it's just . . . . done. Some of us feel the grief of the loss. The confusion of what to do with our time. I know I'm struggling with that right now.

This response is a good reminder for young couples to nurture their relationship while they are in the early child raising years.

I mean, this is kind of a helpful response but also kind of smug. We do have hobbies and jobs. We have friends we hang with, separate and together. But the fact is, kids suck a lot of the time. A lot of the time. And when you have no family to help it's even more so the case.

NP: No one said it was easy. But a lot of couples make the fatal flaw of making their children the center of the family unit. The spousal relationship should be first and foremost. Children come second. People who make the family revolve around the children are the ones who end up divorced or strangers in an empty nest.

You can only do this if you have family nearby to watch the kids while you go on dates or if you can afford babysitters. Unfortunately, neither is the case with us.

[Anonymous]

Once our nest was empty I assessed the situation with my husband and realized I did not want to live the rest of my life with him. We got divorced. Now we are friends and talk regularly in addition to zoom calls every few weeks with our adult kids. We find plenty to talk about now but it helps that it's not an everyday thing. We are both quite happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The same things we’ve talked about our whole relationship. Are you saying while you had kids at home you only talked about your kids and work?

OFC not. But kids were the focus. The activities, schools, friendships, playdates, sports, etc. etc. When that is gone, there is a LOT of space to fill. I have no idea how I filled that time before having a baby. It's just a blur.

Then you have them. And then it's just . . . . done. Some of us feel the grief of the loss. The confusion of what to do with our time. I know I'm struggling with that right now.

This response is a good reminder for young couples to nurture their relationship while they are in the early child raising years.

I mean, this is kind of a helpful response but also kind of smug. We do have hobbies and jobs. We have friends we hang with, separate and together. But the fact is, kids suck a lot of the time. A lot of the time. And when you have no family to help it's even more so the case.

NP: No one said it was easy. But a lot of couples make the fatal flaw of making their children the center of the family unit. The spousal relationship should be first and foremost. Children come second. People who make the family revolve around the children are the ones who end up divorced or strangers in an empty nest.

Ridiculous. Kids and spouses are not competition.