Any other gay people feel conflicted about their sexuality?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is something that a lot of us go through very early on, but hopefully you’ll get over it. If you’re still feeling these feelings after a while I suggest a competetent and compassionate therapist.

It’s more than 5% and there’s nothing you can do about it other than, eventually, accept it. And you don’t have to hide.

I wish!

5% of the adult male population being gay seems generous to me. Does seem higher in DC but the dating pool is still extremely small.

You are always going to be "not normal" and just need to deal with it, no matter how kind people are. Yes, it's annoying, yes it is tiresome, but nothing is going to change for you and society also isn't changing. In this day and age single gays have more in common with single straights than to married gays, but as the vast majority are still single.... it's the singles penalty for life.

It’s perfectly normal to be gay. Just because something is uncommon doesn’t mean it’s not normal. It’s normal to have red hair, but uncommon.

No, it's not normal to be gay. Just because you're accepted and treated "normally" doesn't mean it's normal to be gay. Gays and lesbians are a very small minority, which by default means they are not normal. You are redefining the meaning of normal. Same with red hair, it's not normal to have it even if they are still a presence.

We also exist in a world that is designed around the most common denominator: straight people and especially straight people who go on to marry and have children. Although recent social and political changes have given gays and lesbians greater access to this common denominator, most still exist outside it. I'm 42 and virtually no gay man or lesbian I've met across my life has ever felt "normal" because we do see and feel the exclusions all the time. It doesn't matter what some progressive "allied to LGTBT+" teacher in a school pretends, this is just the reality. No straight person has ever wondered why they are straight but every single gay and lesbian has and usually still continues to wonder why they are gay/lesbian. And that tells you what you need to know about reality. We're aware we are not.... "normal." It doesn't mean we think we're dysfunctional or terrible, we're just not "normal."

But it is what it is and it is not going to change. The social, cultural and political weight gravitates enormously to the common denominator and those who don't fit it will always be outside it to some extent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is something that a lot of us go through very early on, but hopefully you’ll get over it. If you’re still feeling these feelings after a while I suggest a competetent and compassionate therapist.

It’s more than 5% and there’s nothing you can do about it other than, eventually, accept it. And you don’t have to hide.

I wish!

5% of the adult male population being gay seems generous to me. Does seem higher in DC but the dating pool is still extremely small.

You are always going to be "not normal" and just need to deal with it, no matter how kind people are. Yes, it's annoying, yes it is tiresome, but nothing is going to change for you and society also isn't changing. In this day and age single gays have more in common with single straights than to married gays, but as the vast majority are still single.... it's the singles penalty for life.

It’s perfectly normal to be gay. Just because something is uncommon doesn’t mean it’s not normal. It’s normal to have red hair, but uncommon.

No, it's not normal to be gay. Just because you're accepted and treated "normally" doesn't mean it's normal to be gay. Gays and lesbians are a very small minority, which by default means they are not normal. You are redefining the meaning of normal. Same with red hair, it's not normal to have it even if they are still a presence.

We also exist in a world that is designed around the most common denominator: straight people and especially straight people who go on to marry and have children. Although recent social and political changes have given gays and lesbians greater access to this common denominator, most still exist outside it. I'm 42 and virtually no gay man or lesbian I've met across my life has ever felt "normal" because we do see and feel the exclusions all the time. It doesn't matter what some progressive "allied to LGTBT+" teacher in a school pretends, this is just the reality. No straight person has ever wondered why they are straight but every single gay and lesbian has and usually still continues to wonder why they are gay/lesbian. And that tells you what you need to know about reality. We're aware we are not.... "normal." It doesn't mean we think we're dysfunctional or terrible, we're just not "normal."

But it is what it is and it is not going to change. The social, cultural and political weight gravitates enormously to the common denominator and those who don't fit it will always be outside it to some extent.

Couldn't agree more about how the world is designed around a common, straight denominator. At least for me, being gay is like living a parallel life - gay bars, gay dating, doctors who are knowledgeable about gay health issues....and the list goes on. And if I travel to another city, wondering how safe I would be if I did visit a gay bar?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She stopped talking to you because you’re not straight, and she wanted to date you. She didn’t want you as a friend. She probably couldn’t care less about you and your being gay. Most people don’t spend a lot of time actually thinking about other people. Love you life, don’t worry so much about what others think or say behind your back. It’s just noise, irrelevant to you.

I came here to say something similar. She didn’t stop talking to you because you were gay. She was embarrassed that she asked you out and you said no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP and want to thank people for their responses. Everybody has a different story, but unlike those who knew they were gay in HS or even in the 3rd grade, I was in my twenties when I finally came to the realization and accepted that there is nothing you can do about it. This is after a significant amount of time living what would be considered a typical heterosexual lifestyle. Perhaps being a late bloomer is why I wrestle with "how did I get here thoughts". But then certain decisions and situations in my life make sense when I put them in the context of eventually knowing I am gay.

Will also add that.family and friends have been very understanding. And in terms of the woman who asked me out, we were friends for a while before she suggested we give romance a try.

Sounds much more like acquaintances if she didn't even know your sexuality! If she thought you were friends, she may have felt confused and awkward to realize that she didn't even know the basics about you, ie that you are gay. It doesn't make people feel bonded to one another if they find out big secrets about another. She might have questioned the friendship at that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is something that a lot of us go through very early on, but hopefully you’ll get over it. If you’re still feeling these feelings after a while I suggest a competetent and compassionate therapist.

It’s more than 5% and there’s nothing you can do about it other than, eventually, accept it. And you don’t have to hide.

I wish!

5% of the adult male population being gay seems generous to me. Does seem higher in DC but the dating pool is still extremely small.

You are always going to be "not normal" and just need to deal with it, no matter how kind people are. Yes, it's annoying, yes it is tiresome, but nothing is going to change for you and society also isn't changing. In this day and age single gays have more in common with single straights than to married gays, but as the vast majority are still single.... it's the singles penalty for life.

It’s perfectly normal to be gay. Just because something is uncommon doesn’t mean it’s not normal. It’s normal to have red hair, but uncommon.

No, it's not normal to be gay. Just because you're accepted and treated "normally" doesn't mean it's normal to be gay. Gays and lesbians are a very small minority, which by default means they are not normal. You are redefining the meaning of normal. Same with red hair, it's not normal to have it even if they are still a presence.

We also exist in a world that is designed around the most common denominator: straight people and especially straight people who go on to marry and have children. Although recent social and political changes have given gays and lesbians greater access to this common denominator, most still exist outside it. I'm 42 and virtually no gay man or lesbian I've met across my life has ever felt "normal" because we do see and feel the exclusions all the time. It doesn't matter what some progressive "allied to LGTBT+" teacher in a school pretends, this is just the reality. No straight person has ever wondered why they are straight but every single gay and lesbian has and usually still continues to wonder why they are gay/lesbian. And that tells you what you need to know about reality. We're aware we are not.... "normal." It doesn't mean we think we're dysfunctional or terrible, we're just not "normal."

But it is what it is and it is not going to change. The social, cultural and political weight gravitates enormously to the common denominator and those who don't fit it will always be outside it to some extent.

Dunno, I feel pretty normal. But we’re a maximally boring lesbian family. Literally the only different thing about us is that we’re both women, and that is not particularly distinctive. “every single gay and lesbian has and usually still continues to wonder why they are gay/lesbian”? lol no. We’ve been together 25 years. We wonder about whether social security will still be there when we retire and if our kids are getting too old for Disney.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is something that a lot of us go through very early on, but hopefully you’ll get over it. If you’re still feeling these feelings after a while I suggest a competetent and compassionate therapist.

It’s more than 5% and there’s nothing you can do about it other than, eventually, accept it. And you don’t have to hide.

I wish!

5% of the adult male population being gay seems generous to me. Does seem higher in DC but the dating pool is still extremely small.

You are always going to be "not normal" and just need to deal with it, no matter how kind people are. Yes, it's annoying, yes it is tiresome, but nothing is going to change for you and society also isn't changing. In this day and age single gays have more in common with single straights than to married gays, but as the vast majority are still single.... it's the singles penalty for life.

It’s perfectly normal to be gay. Just because something is uncommon doesn’t mean it’s not normal. It’s normal to have red hair, but uncommon.

No, it's not normal to be gay. Just because you're accepted and treated "normally" doesn't mean it's normal to be gay. Gays and lesbians are a very small minority, which by default means they are not normal. You are redefining the meaning of normal. Same with red hair, it's not normal to have it even if they are still a presence.

We also exist in a world that is designed around the most common denominator: straight people and especially straight people who go on to marry and have children. Although recent social and political changes have given gays and lesbians greater access to this common denominator, most still exist outside it. I'm 42 and virtually no gay man or lesbian I've met across my life has ever felt "normal" because we do see and feel the exclusions all the time. It doesn't matter what some progressive "allied to LGTBT+" teacher in a school pretends, this is just the reality. No straight person has ever wondered why they are straight but every single gay and lesbian has and usually still continues to wonder why they are gay/lesbian. And that tells you what you need to know about reality. We're aware we are not.... "normal." It doesn't mean we think we're dysfunctional or terrible, we're just not "normal."

But it is what it is and it is not going to change. The social, cultural and political weight gravitates enormously to the common denominator and those who don't fit it will always be outside it to some extent.

Dunno, I feel pretty normal. But we’re a maximally boring lesbian family. Literally the only different thing about us is that we’re both women, and that is not particularly distinctive. “every single gay and lesbian has and usually still continues to wonder why they are gay/lesbian”? lol no. We’ve been together 25 years. We wonder about whether social security will still be there when we retire and if our kids are getting too old for Disney.

It’s definitely a weird statement that was made. Once you’ve accepted yourself and worked through internalized homophobia, you really don’t wonder that any longer. This is just who I am and I’m going to live my life the best I can and try to be the happiest I can be.