Feeling guilty because I hate breastfeeding
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Anonymous
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OP, have you had him checked for a tongue tie, including a posterior tongue tie? This can really cause problems with latch. I would have that checked right away.
I had varying degrees of nursing difficulties from misery to fine, the tongue ties were the worst. I exclusively pumped for 3 & 4 months with two of those (but with a hospital grade pump). After that nursing was a breeze. Everyone has a rough time and it’s important to get good care so you can make a decision that’s best for you and your baby. |
Anonymous
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I’m 7.5 months into breastfeeding, not exclusively now because he’s eating solids, but I’d say it got a lot better around 4-6 weeks or so. Early on it was mostly cluster feeding around the clock with feeding sporadically spaced anywhere from 30 m -2 hours depending on how long he slept between. It gets a lot better because they get bigger, stronger, and more efficient. Babies also nurse for comfort so some of that could just be non-nutritive suckling for comfort (which is completely normal). I don’t think you should worry that baby is eating for long periods of time at 9 days old. My baby was very sleepy still at 9 days old and nursed for a while each time. I had to wake him up by tickling behind his ear or face and early on I’d feed him in just a diaper.
As long as your pediatrician says baby’s weight is fine, I don’t think you should assume or stress about your supply. If you are worried about that I’d make an appointment with a lactation consultant for a weighted feed. |
Anonymous
Similar here and pushing through it was one of my bigger parenting regrets. I absolutely resented my baby as well other moms cheering me on. I was able to bond fine when I stopped at 6 months and it was a "never again!" Thing for me. |
Anonymous
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I had similar struggles and once I decided to do some formula and some breast feeding I was so much happier! It took all the pressure off and I started to enjoy my 3-ish nursing sessions/day. My kid became great at nursing and drinking from a bottle. My body adjusted and I produced enough milk for when i wanted to breastfeed, but not much more than that, so supplementing with formula worked well. My kid is now 7 and is still a very flexible eater!
I’d start adding some formula now so that he gets used to the taste and used to the bottle. And then keep breastfeeding whenever you want (if you want). I breastfed in the morning, evening and once in the middle of the night and the rest was formula. Then, when I went back to work, I just did morning and evening until my kid turned one, at which point I stopped breastfeeding. It was super easy to stop for both of us since she was already used to getting fed in a variety of ways. To the extent there are benefits to breastfeeding, those benefits are present even if you also use formula. My ped said there are some studies showing the combo is actually best—some antibody benefits from breastfeeding and some vitamin d benefits from formula. |
Anonymous
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That sounds like too many hours a day. Something could be wrong. But I also hated it pretty much all two years of doing it. I couldn’t quit because child wouldn’t sleep any other way. Resentment doesn’t even begin to describe it…
Anyway, get a hospital pump and try nipple shields, too. |
Anonymous
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Why can’t you do both? Formula and breastfeeding.
He would still get the benefit of breastfeeding |
Anonymous
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You should work with a lactation consultant to check supply / do weighted feeds if you haven’t already.
Your challenges sound a lot like ones I had with my second. I decided to pump quite a bit and then around 7 weeks switched to a mix of breastfeeding and formula, which was so mentally freeing. |
Anonymous
| +1 on seeing a lactation consultant. However, in my experience, the mantra that it shouldn’t hurt if baby is latching properly was not true. I’ve breastfed three babies, including my current 1 yo, and it took a good 3-4 weeks every time for the discomfort to ease and a good routine to be established. I did not end up supplementing but would’ve had zero qualms doing so. I also found it useful to introduce a bottle within the first 6-8 weeks, even if just occasionally, so the baby can do both. |
Anonymous
| I ebf’d my first for 12 weeks. Or was miserable - she was so fussy and hungry. One bottle in and she refused the breast, and i didn’t force it bc it was so liberating. I breastfed my next two for about 12-14 weeks, supplementing with formula from the get go. I always did room temperature bottles, washed them in the dishwasher - it was so much easier for me and dcs thrived. I think some people like bf’ing or somehow find it easier but there is nothing wrong with formula, and if it makes you better rested, more comfortable, and less resentful, it will be better for your baby. |
Anonymous
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I am not going to guilt you if you want to formula feed. I just wanted to let you know that it is difficult and that how I got through it was hour by hour day by day. I didn't think about two months from now just took it one day at time. It got easier and we breast fed successfully. So you are in the thick of it. Be kind to yourself .
Sending good wishes to you! |
Anonymous
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Hmm It sounds like something’s a bit off and I wish you had an experienced friend who could come sit with you and check things a bit. That said, it’s tough in the beginning kind of like learning to ride a bicycle. especially the cluster feed sessions, but those should be pretty rare (a night where he basically wants to be on the boob all night on and off.).
I’ve breastfed three kids for two years each and it is the simplest and most efficient in my experience and it does get easier definitely. That said I was formula fed and I turned out great lol! If you start feeling more and more resentful or less bonded then just switch, or even try partial supplementing. Good luck! |
Anonymous
OP here. We haven’t had any checks since we left the hospital and one pediatrician visit. We go next week for his 2 week appointment. |
Anonymous
OP here. I will see if I can talk to his pediatrician about it. We don’t have an appointment again until next week. |
Anonymous
OP here. I wanted to see how breastfeeding would go and if we would need it. |
Anonymous
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What is dysphoric milk ejection reflex (D-MER)?
Dysphoric milk ejection reflex, or D-MER, is a condition that affects people who breastfeed (chest feed) or pump milk. It causes sudden and intense negative emotions just before you “let down” or release milk. It’s quick and lasts just a minute or two. However, it can cause intense unhappiness (dysphoria) and other unpleasant emotions. It can also happen if your breasts accidentally have a let down at any other time, which can be common during lactation. As the name suggests, this condition is a reflex and something you can’t control. Research is limited, but suggests it’s hormonally driven (related to the chemicals in your body). It’s physical, not psychological, and has nothing to do with not wanting to breastfeed or with having nipple pain. Rather, it’s your body reacting to the release of milk due to a sudden decrease in specific hormones. Treatment for D-MER involves using different coping strategies to promote relaxation and calming thoughts. Often, people find they’re able to manage symptoms after several weeks. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24879-dysphoric-milk-ejection-reflex |