*What would be wrong with humans going extinct? |
There is a difference between throwing an old person who may not be employable out on the street va an able bodied failure to launch kid. Tough love so the kid doesn’t end up being a mooch parent. |
First of all, kids don't get a say in what their parents do or don't spend on them before they turn 18. Even if someone under 18 asks their parents for something expensive, they really aren't mature enough to understand just what a big sacrifice they're asking their parents to make. And if a parent thinks their kid should have to ultimately pay back for their college education, they can simply refuse to pay and tell their kid they have to take out loans. Second, whether or not someone "should" need help has nothing to do with whether or not they do need help. So you seem to be suggesting that someone in this age-range who does need help doesn't deserve it. By your rule, if the lives of a 25-year-old and a 75-year-old were on the line and only one of them could be saved, the 75-year-old should be saved, even though 75 is a perfectly normal age to die at, while 25 is much too young to die. |
Fun fact: that thing about some kids needing to be sort of left to flounder so they will grow up actually can apply to parents too. I was helping my mom a lot, to the point where it was a big drag on my mental health. My therapist suggested that it might be for the best if I stopped helping so much. I think that these days therapists are WAY too quick to suggest severing ties, but I followed his advice and pulled back. I was terrified she would wind up homeless and it would be my failt! Wrong. My mom had to figure some things out on her own, and she did, and she is fine. She found a lawyer to help her apply for disability, she started caring for an elderly gentleman to earn some money, etc. I still send money but I no longer feel obligated to go out of my way to help her and it feels great!
I think that you have to find a balance but default to love and care rather than the low end of your legal and moral obligations. I would never withhold help from my kids unless it was seriously detrimental for them or me. I’ve told my kids they can live with us for as long as they like. |
I forgot to add that many parents set up a college fund for their kids before they turn 18, and that the money in said fund can't be used for anything else. So parents paying for college is potentially another thing the kid didn't have a say in before they turned 18. |
There are obvious reasons for why it’s reasonable for a 25 yr old to fend for themselves that we can’t say the same of for an 85 yr old. Even if the 85 yr old made serious mistakes to need the help, they can’t just fix it by getting 2 jobs. |
But the 85-year-old has lived a full life, while the 25-year-old has not. https://www.ssa.gov/oact/STATS/table4c6.html https://www.worlddata.info/life-expectancy.php A living 85-year-old is extremely lucky just to be alive. |
My 65 year old single dad doesn’t have a lot of money and I normally pay for him at restaurants when we are together. OF COURSE they always bring the check out and give it to him. It’s just expected that the older man is paying for his daughter. The way he slides the check to me with shame in his eyes is both sad and amusing because it shows how misogynistic society is. It’s just ridiculous. Dad, no one care if I pay for you. No one other than the server even noticed that I took the check and if they did notice, they’re paying way too much attention to our table. |
This. I have planned so I’ll never put my kids in the situation of having to financially support me in old age, and part of that planning was letting my kids know they would get no further financial assistance from me after they graduate undergrad. |
Ok, so you seem to think there's a clear-cut age by which should be fending for themselves. By that logic, you should also think there's clear-cut age by which one should die. It only makes sense. According to this life table, most men are dead by the age of 79 and most women are dead by the age of 84. https://www.ssa.gov/oact/STATS/table4c6.html Therefore, by your logic, an adult child shouldn't have to care for their father if he's 79 or older, nor should they have to care for their mother if she's 84 or older, as they've passed their deadline to die. |
All of the cases of both that I know of in my real life were due to poor planning. It’s never the sweet older person who sacrificed everything, it’s a single parent who made poor financial decisions their entire life, bought Louis Vuitton instead of adding to their 401k and now demands money from their kids (while also refusing to help babysit so that their kids’ daycare costs are lessened). And the adult children I see boomeranging home are not saving every spare penny for a downpayment. They’re playing video games, sleeping late and getting fired from basic jobs. YMMV, but that’s what I see in my neighbors, friends and relatives.
I would have no trouble supporting either my parents or my children, but it’s conditional support. |
This is some seriously faulty logic. |
Traditionally, women performing unpaid caregiving tasks while forgoing their own financial interests filled those roles. ^^^ fixed that for you. |
My boss is 65, as are many of our senior managers. Why isn’t he still working if he’s struggling with money? |
Have some empathy. All of us who'll live long enough have to become old and weak. Nobody is invincible. |