Families are united units and things go both ways. Whoever needs it gets help. If the children or siblings need help the family steps in. If the parents or grandparents need help the family steps in. |
This^. Nobody takes advantage of others but when one family member needs it, others voluntarily step up. There is no leeching or compulsion, just having each other's back. |
And the person who is on receiving end, makes sure to only receive as much is essential, not an additional morsal. |
It’s not always that simple. What about those of us with parents who were never “productive members of society” ie never really had a job and lived off of welfare and assistance from extended family until we were old enough to provide for ourselves. |
Then nothing owed to them. But that is an unusual situation and not the norm |
This is an extreme situation, average advice doesn't apply. |
<< The kids didn't ask to be born" is a cop-out. If you asked any of these kids I'm certain they'd all say they're glad to be alive>> I wouldn’t. Non-existence is not a bad state to be. It’s different that being alive, known and then dying. Non-existing is neutral and possibly preferable to a tragic life. This is also the reason why l never understand opposition to abortion by the way. |
Retirement is a luxury, just like cars, houses, and weddings. It shouldn't be a given. It should be earned. If you can save up enough to retire on your own, then great, but expecting someone else to make sacrifices so that you can ample fun and free time is wrong. I don't see why an adult child should sacrifice their occasional bit of free time so that their parents can have nothing but free time. |
It's a nice idea, but as someone who's always on the giving end with family members lately, it sure feels like there is leeching, and I'm starting to feel resentful and it's causing problems in my marriage. |
Parents are supposed to love their children unconditionally. Your parents are supposed to be the two people in the world who don't expect anything in return for whatever help and support they give you. Otherwise, what separates parents from a bank? |
If one party is ALWAYS on the giving end and it causes problems for them, its not a good situation. Move back and only help with emergencies, you are only required to do the right thing, not keep giving what others expect. |
Dp Hogwash. I agree with that poster. We get no say in the financial decisions our parents make and I would refuse to pay for someone who made lots of selfish decisions. plenty of us had parents who took advantage of us financially. I will help my kids but I wouldn’t let a selfish parent of mine or my partners take from my kids. |
Finally someone who gets it. |
I don't view it as a ledger where one owes the other this amount or that. What a strange way to go through life. |
Why? Because they're physically weak for the most part. But what a 25-year-old with a chronic illness or a handicap? Should they be denied care and help just because they're in the minority? |