At what age did you know you were gay or lesbian?

[Anonymous]

I knew I was straight when I was 14 and kissed a girl and felt nothing.

[Anonymous]

OP. I appreciate everyone weighing in. As a few have alluded to we're treating it like any 1st grade crush because we know that like many things at that age, feelings evolve over time. But, I guess we are trying to get a sense of whether there is a possibility that he is saying exactly what he means-he will grow up and marry a boyfriend. Either way we just want to make sure he always knows he is loved and supported. Thanks again for the input.

[Anonymous]

A lightning bolt hit me at 19y and it all made sense (not liking boys, but thinking I just hadn't found the one and me wanting to be intense BFFs and hang around some girls all.the.time were actually crushes.)

But DS said at 7y that he was going to marry his BFF (another boy.) He wanted to be able to play Legos and Nerf guns with him whenever he wanted. He is now 20y and as far as I know heterosexual (had had a lovely girlfriend for a few years.)

Soo....you never know!

[Anonymous]

My six year old says she’s going to marry her female best friend. Time will tell!

[Anonymous]

When I was 11. But I have a 7 year old who says she’ll marry her female best friend. She understands what marriage is, but doesn’t mean it in any way than “I love my BFF so much I want to spend every day together forever.” So IMO, that talk is just childish talk, not an indicator of sexuality yet.

[Anonymous]

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[Anonymous]

Your response was fine. I wouldn't read into it though. I had a girlfriend at that age and I am definitely not straight.

I had no clue I was gay until I was 20, although looking back maybe I should have known slightly earlier. DH swears he has always known. When forced to put an age on it, he will tell you that he was certain he knew he was gay at age 2.

[Anonymous]

My nephew knew he liked boys by the 3rd grade but he was also very feminine and wanted lip gloss and nails done.

My son came out (short of) in middle school. Never mentioned liking boys or girls ever before.

[Anonymous]

I always knew I was different in a way, and when I was six someone (a peer) told me what homosexuality was and I knew I was a member of that group. I came out to my parents a few years later (yes in the 1980s). They were awesome about it and it felt great to be open about it. That said the message was "you are a tad young to write a conclusion to this story". I appreciated the knowledge that indeed feelings and attractions can evolve. But in the end, yes, I am gay.

[Anonymous]

Straight woman here…my 7 year old recently asked me who I’d marry if I couldn’t be married to her father. I said “I have no idea…but I think our neighbor’s beagle is really cute so maybe I could marry the dog.” I assumed she’d know I was teasing but then said “you can’t marry him! (My other daughter) would be so jealous and that would just be mean!” She also recently told me that she plans to have 30-40 children when she grows up but “don’t worry, I won’t have them all the same year”. (Meanwhile my 11 year old recently asked me if she’s okay / normal if she thinks she never wants to date anyone or marry anyone and I told her that’s fine.) Anyway, I agree with your approach Op - it’s so hard to know what will stick or not stick when they’re so little but they should just know they are loved!

(I had crushes on boys in kindergarten and friends have told me they really didn’t give any thought to romantic feelings or crushes until well into middle school or even high school so I do think it varies a lot.)