At what age did you know you were gay or lesbian?

[Anonymous]

Earlier this week my 7yo told me he was going to marry his boyfriend when he grows up. This is after the last year of saying little things here and there about having a boyfriend. In the moment I responded with something to the effect of, "ok buddy. Mommy and daddy want you to be happy when you grow up."

Since he is only 7 we don't want to just assume it means he already knows he's gay, but we also don't want to summarily dismiss what he is telling us just because he is seven, if that makes sense. I mean I remember saying I had a boyfriend at around that age but I can't remember if I knew what that meant in "adult" terms. It really got us thinking.

Based on that, if anyone is willing, at what age did you know or suspect you were gay or lesbian? And if you did know young and had supportive parents, what was it that made them supportive?

We want to be the best we can be for him.

[Anonymous]

When did you know you were straight? Kids can definitely know that young. Any answer at this age might not be final (if there is ever a final answer!), but I think you’re on the right track to treat this as real.

[Anonymous]

I think you are doing fine--accept what he is telling you and if it changes later, accept that too.

I knew I wasn't straight in middle school. If it had been talked about more in society I might have figured it out a little sooner. My parents were not supportive--not beating me or kicking me out or anything, but hostile and unaccepting. It created a wedge between us that continues, even though they are now pretty used to it and like my wife a lot. So I think just being open to what your kid says is good at this point.

One thing that I did appreciate about my parents is they didn't make a huge deal of it the one time I did try dating a guy (he was nice, he asked, I figured it was worth a shot, didn't work out). I think they realized by that point that if they seemed too excited about something, it would automatically make me wary!

[Anonymous]

My late 20's son knew when he was four but didn't have the words to articulate it until six. He's told me that age is pretty normal.

[Anonymous]

My 15yo dd told me she had an inkling in 4th grade, which became more solidified by middle school.

[Anonymous]

At 12 years old.

[Anonymous]

27

[Anonymous]

I was in my early 30s. But looking back I probably would have known sooner if I’d have known it was acceptable and a thing.
My wife knew around age 10 she says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in my early 30s. But looking back I probably would have known sooner if I’d have known it was acceptable and a thing.
My wife knew around age 10 she says.

Yep, I was 32 (and married to a man...) In retrospect, there were some pretty big red flags, but I had no self-awareness until my 30s.

[Anonymous]

Our daughter told us when she was 10

[Anonymous]

Literally so different from person to person. I know people who knew they were queer from elementary school but didn't figure out which identity described them until middle school. I personally felt something was "off" about me for years but only realized it meant I was gay in HS. I think what you did, accepting what he tells you and taking it as seriously as you would any elementary school declaration of a crush (not very), is the exact right approach.

[Anonymous]

Had an inkling when I was 20, started experimenting in my mid 20s, and at 27 realized it was my orientation and there was nothing I could do about it.

[Anonymous]

I should have know I was attracted to girls (as well as boys) by 12 when I had hard core crushes on several actresses but had a lot of internalized homophobia. I didn’t come out until 30.

[Anonymous]

I was clueless and didn’t realize until I was 20. Dh swears that he was in preschool. If I press for an age, he’ll say that he knew he was gay at 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Literally so different from person to person. I know people who knew they were queer from elementary school but didn't figure out which identity described them until middle school. I personally felt something was "off" about me for years but only realized it meant I was gay in HS. I think what you did, accepting what he tells you and taking it as seriously as you would any elementary school declaration of a crush (not very), is the exact right approach.

+1 I knew I was somehow off with respect to dating/romance in middle school. Didn’t manage to put a label on it until around 18. Treating it like any other elementary school crush/“relationship” situation is definitely the way to go.