Should a deadbeat dad be invited to a college graduation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your son even have a relationship with his father?

After all this time, my vote is you drop the rope. Why harbor any ill will toward this man at all? It's a waste of mental and emotional energy.

If your son has enough of a relationship that he wants to invite him, then fine. Just be pleasant and recognize that you have won already. You are free of him, and you have a lovely son, and your son has graduated from college and NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.

Her instincts tell her that the swindler that is her son's father will ambush her son into an invite. Most people are uncomfortable with confrontation or handling a delicate situation like this, let alone a 22 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son gets to decide this

My son gets to decide without my input? I paid for the college. Are you saying I ought to bite my tongue if my son mentions inviting his father or voice my issue? My son is a pushover and his father will take advantage. Because his father wants to play pretend with his wife, who has zero idea what a POS he is.

Your son is an adult. You’re so focused on your ex that you don’t even see how negatively you talk about your own child. Who tf cares if his dad is there or not? Being at a graduation does not mean anything in terms of the source of the accomplishment. Your son is the one who graduated. That’s not something you or your ex did.

It's a college graduation, not a funeral or wedding. The parents who paid should be there, not a deadbeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let him come and bring the Wife. That way you can tell her in person he didn’t contribute.

I am petty, but I would do this. Be nice to her, but when you get a minute with her or just anyone except your son around, say what a good influence she is, that he’s finally paying back child support he never did, and how you appreciate it even if he never contributed to college or a single thing while the boys grew up. Practice your tone so it sounds neutral.

This is good advice.

[Anonymous]

This was my dad. I did not invite him.

[Anonymous]

not by me. this is between kid and Dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your son even have a relationship with his father?

After all this time, my vote is you drop the rope. Why harbor any ill will toward this man at all? It's a waste of mental and emotional energy.

If your son has enough of a relationship that he wants to invite him, then fine. Just be pleasant and recognize that you have won already. You are free of him, and you have a lovely son, and your son has graduated from college and NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.

Her instincts tell her that the swindler that is her son's father will ambush her son into an invite. Most people are uncomfortable with confrontation or handling a delicate situation like this, let alone a 22 year old.

A 22 yr old is about to be launched into the real world with a big boy job. He's old enough to speak his mind here. It will be good training for navigating the workplace and other relationships.

[Anonymous]

This is your son's decision. But also, your son knows the score by now. So if you're worried about your ex getting credit for things he never did, stop worrying.

My kid knew the score when XDH sat her down and said he wasn't paying for college. She had enough tickets to invite him, so she did. He showed up late and got stuck far, far away from me, my sister, and my mom. It worked out just fine.

[Anonymous]

"I agree with you, but most on here don't because they have no skin in the game.
Financially or emotionally.
I get where you are coming from 100%, no need to apologize for it either.
Congrats to you. It is your achievement too.
When my mom single-handedly raised me and I graduated from college, I told her that this degree was "our" degree and achievement!
I hung it in her den. It was the best way I could think of to thank her.
Man here btw."

+100!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He was a deadbeat dad who dodged child support ages 0-19. Didn’t pay for a dime of my son’s college. He is currently married to a widow he mooches from and is allegedly finally gainfully employed because I get random amounts of money in my checking account (garnished wages from the old child support).

Should he be invited to my son’s college graduation in the spring?

No, he should not be invited.

If he asks or is tipped off, the new grad shouldn’t say, No, that doesn’t make sense. Let’s start a relationship again differently and have dinner sometime.

You don’t get to do nothing for decades and then swoop in for a glory day and not address the fact that you were a neglectful absent parent who never paid child support or showed up for decades

[Anonymous]

Sorry * should say

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son gets to decide this

My son gets to decide without my input? I paid for the college. Are you saying I ought to bite my tongue if my son mentions inviting his father or voice my issue? My son is a pushover and his father will take advantage. Because his father wants to play pretend with his wife, who has zero idea what a POS he is.

Sounds like you're not really looking for input or opinions; you've already made up your mind and you're looking for validation.

But unfortunately, you're wrong. It's 100% up to your son.

You may have paid his tuition, but that check was not cut dependent on approving an invite list to a graduation ceremony. And while you may have paid the fees, your son did the hard work of graduating. This is his moment; he gets to decide

[Anonymous]

Look, even if DS decides not invite his father, OP absolutely must check her attitude.

Even without the deadbeat dad, OP thinks this a celebration of her. That's a HUGE problem, regardless of who's attending the graduation

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t pretend or draw a blank on this one.

I’d say what I think: he hasn’t lifted a finger for years and years, nor paid a cent, so no, I would not invite him.

Sure it’s up to you but there are better ways at kicking off a father/son reunion than him sitting at graduation like a poseur.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looks like someone is starting threads just to provoke a fight.

The tone of this angry OP is just like the tone of the troll who didn't want to share her dead mom's jewelry.

Probably the same person who started the crazy thread about the husband who chose his cat over his wife and new baby. Get a job troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was a deadbeat dad who dodged child support ages 0-19. Didn’t pay for a dime of my son’s college. He is currently married to a widow he mooches from and is allegedly finally gainfully employed because I get random amounts of money in my checking account (garnished wages from the old child support).

Should he be invited to my son’s college graduation in the spring?

No, he should not be invited.

If he asks or is tipped off, the new grad shouldn’t say, No, that doesn’t make sense. Let’s start a relationship again differently and have dinner sometime.

You don’t get to do nothing for decades and then swoop in for a glory day and not address the fact that you were a neglectful absent parent who never paid child support or showed up for decades

+1. What an bizarre thread.