Wife is just lazy

[Anonymous]

Regardless of who’s at fault… it sounds like the marriage is over and they are just in it for the kid and financial reasons.

[Anonymous]

She needs a job.

The more free time I have, the lazier I get. I'm very efficient and energized when I am working. I feel better too. Anytime I had extended time off---maternity leaves, used extended leave, etc--I felt like a slug.

She needs more stimulation and forced structure/deadlines.

She's become a sloth.

[Anonymous]

Get a divorce. Easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work as a fitness and nutrition coach, and I worked with a lot of SAHMs like your wife.

Lack of exercise is almost never about laziness. Most SAHMs have a long history of attempting to lose weight, work, etc. But they end up pulled in a million different directions - they want to work, but their H won’t handle half of the sick days or pickups. They want to work out, but society makes them feel guilty for not devoting that time to their families. They try to balance work and life by getting involved in things like MLMs, which are enticing because they promise you can make a ton of money while also raising kids full-time, but of course always fail.

After years of these “failures”, they lose all hope. Most of the time, their H’s are unsupportive, like you are. They see “my wife cannot run 30 minutes” rather than “wow, my wife is going to the gym every day, how awesome that she is doing something for herself and improving herself!” Improvement in health is a long, slow game, not a “be able to run a 5k in 8 weeks”.

Making things worse, they usually have to ask their husbands for permission to spend money on themselves. So you have a perfect storm of years of martyring, a husband who sees them as a failure, and who denies them access to the money and support that WILL help them thrive. They end up severely depressed and exactly like your W.

If you truly want to help her, be supportive. Don’t stress over the house and cooking - that will come. First, she needs to regain autonomy and control over her life. She needs to feel supported. Let her know you think it’s fantastic she’s going to the gym. Ask if she’d like to do personal training sessions and make it happen. Take an interest in her dreams - I promise you, she has them. Listen to what her dreams are and let her know you want to help her achieve them. She needs to re-discover herself and her identity.

Love this.

[Anonymous]

Y'all the OP is long gone. This thread is from two years ago and some husband revived it to whine about his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dump her then

Yeah and see how “entirely self-sufficient” your ten year old is.

Undoubtedly he is driving himself to and from school, making and attending his doctor and dentist appointments and school conferences, doing all his homework unsupervised and getting straight As, arranging and attending play dates and buying gifts for all birthdays by himself, buying all his own clothes & passing the too small ones on, putting himself to bed every night and getting himself ready for school every morning, and more. Perhaps he’s also planning all family vacations and holidays, decorating the house, and maintaining your social calendar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Y'all the OP is long gone. This thread is from two years ago and some husband revived it to whine about his wife.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Op - I haven’t read any of the threads but I do know that dcum is filled with a lot of old school women who stayed home or stay home and did not work and are very defensive of what that entails.
Yes your wife is lazy. No adhd is not an excuse. Unless you make over $800k or so your wife should be working at this point. If you do make that she should be volunteering. I would say better to have her work and hire help for cleaning. Her weight is kind of separate bc less about time and more about other issues. But you’re entitled to be resentful that the workload is so unbalanced for sure

[Anonymous]

Tell her she must get a job or you will leave her. She NEEDS STRUCTURE, she needs to contribute to society by working or volunteering part time or full time. Then she can maybe pay for a personal trainer.


Get her to do group classes instead

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her she must get a job or you will leave her. She NEEDS STRUCTURE, she needs to contribute to society by working or volunteering part time or full time. Then she can maybe pay for a personal trainer.


Get her to do group classes instead

I know this is an old thread but have to respond to this bull. My DH would also describe me the way OP did. However, there are 2 sides to all stories. My DH believes he does sooo much in the house and he believes he does way more than I do. In reality, he does his own laundry and takes out the trash. Occasionally picks up something that's out of place. Who the F does everything else...me.
So before you go off judging OPs wife and making him feel entitled, take a step back and realize you're only bearing 1 side of it.

[Anonymous]

Stay at home wife in my book entails that shes willing to take up the house work dishes laundry etc not necessarily the yard work getting the kids to and from school while we work or 40+ hr work week I'm dealing with the same thing wife does nothing but dishes and take kids to school 3 days a week Cuz I'm off 2 days mid week and take and pick up on my days off she complains she has no time to do anything else and says I'm lazy for not helping on day sc I work and not entitled to have dinner done before I go to bed I'm at a loss and tired of her bs and making me the bad guy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds depressed, which can make you really low-energy. She needs a job or a hobby or something to get her out of the house.

+1. I’m like your wife, but I work. No energy/desire to cook, clean, workout, or meal plan. But having the well-payment job gives me a sense of purpose and something to do with my time.

I’m on meds and working on the depression. You should ask your wife if she’s happy and what makes her excited in life. If she gives a lame response, talk to her about therapy.

I also have no desire to cook, clean or meal plan. I work full time and workout when I have time. All domestic duties are incredibly tedious to me and there’s no way I would put myself in the position to be fully or mostly responsible for them like SAHMs are!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a divorce. Easy.

He will be paying for two households. Good luck with that!

[Anonymous]

Give her a copy of the book called 'Fascinating Womanhood'