Wife is just lazy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely keep focusing on the fact that she can’t run for 30mins. And the weight. It lets everyone know that you’re just pissed she doesn’t look like she did when you met – and that’s the only thing you actually care about. Winner.

+1

+2. This is the real issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m honestly confused about how doing half the cooking and cleaning, your own laundry, and sports is “the role of almost two parents.” She doesn’t have a job, but if she did wouldn’t you still have the same amount of cleaning/sports? You’d have more money, so you could outsource more potentially.

Decide if you want less chores or more money, and then talk to her about it.

Huh? It's generally a SAHP's job to handle the bulk of domestic labor during the work week. OP, why did you start doing 50%? Really doesn't make sense.

DP.

When the kids are younger 50% is the way to go, so they probably started off this way. Now that the child is older, they have to redefine their roles. If I were in OP's wife's shoes, I'd go back to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m honestly confused about how doing half the cooking and cleaning, your own laundry, and sports is “the role of almost two parents.” She doesn’t have a job, but if she did wouldn’t you still have the same amount of cleaning/sports? You’d have more money, so you could outsource more potentially.

Decide if you want less chores or more money, and then talk to her about it.

Huh? It's generally a SAHP's job to handle the bulk of domestic labor during the work week. OP, why did you start doing 50%? Really doesn't make sense.

Yeah but OP is still only doing less than one working parent role. So if his wife got a job, he would be doing just as much or more. That’s not “the role of two parents.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d make her return to work and give her an ultimatum. I can’t stand lazy people like that. By not making her do anything, you’re complicit in this. -female who works

“Making her do anything”

He’s her husband, not her overlord.

[Anonymous]

She sounds depressed, which can make you really low-energy. She needs a job or a hobby or something to get her out of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds depressed, which can make you really low-energy. She needs a job or a hobby or something to get her out of the house.

+1. I’m like your wife, but I work. No energy/desire to cook, clean, workout, or meal plan. But having the well-payment job gives me a sense of purpose and something to do with my time.

I’m on meds and working on the depression. You should ask your wife if she’s happy and what makes her excited in life. If she gives a lame response, talk to her about therapy.

[Anonymous]

If she was exactly the same except looked hot, would you be writing this post?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work as a fitness and nutrition coach, and I worked with a lot of SAHMs like your wife.

Lack of exercise is almost never about laziness. Most SAHMs have a long history of attempting to lose weight, work, etc. But they end up pulled in a million different directions - they want to work, but their H won’t handle half of the sick days or pickups. They want to work out, but society makes them feel guilty for not devoting that time to their families. They try to balance work and life by getting involved in things like MLMs, which are enticing because they promise you can make a ton of money while also raising kids full-time, but of course always fail.

After years of these “failures”, they lose all hope. Most of the time, their H’s are unsupportive, like you are. They see “my wife cannot run 30 minutes” rather than “wow, my wife is going to the gym every day, how awesome that she is doing something for herself and improving herself!” Improvement in health is a long, slow game, not a “be able to run a 5k in 8 weeks”.

Making things worse, they usually have to ask their husbands for permission to spend money on themselves. So you have a perfect storm of years of martyring, a husband who sees them as a failure, and who denies them access to the money and support that WILL help them thrive. They end up severely depressed and exactly like your W.

If you truly want to help her, be supportive. Don’t stress over the house and cooking - that will come. First, she needs to regain autonomy and control over her life. She needs to feel supported. Let her know you think it’s fantastic she’s going to the gym. Ask if she’d like to do personal training sessions and make it happen. Take an interest in her dreams - I promise you, she has them. Listen to what her dreams are and let her know you want to help her achieve them. She needs to re-discover herself and her identity.

You sound like a good coach, PP! She’s going to the gym and making an effort, that’s something to be celebrated

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds depressed, which can make you really low-energy. She needs a job or a hobby or something to get her out of the house.

Lol. Knew that was coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m honestly confused about how doing half the cooking and cleaning, your own laundry, and sports is “the role of almost two parents.” She doesn’t have a job, but if she did wouldn’t you still have the same amount of cleaning/sports? You’d have more money, so you could outsource more potentially.

Decide if you want less chores or more money, and then talk to her about it.

This had me cracking up too. He's doing the bare minimum of coparenting. She's doing her part too, but she is also allowed to hate it. Who loves cleaning (who isn't OCD)?

She's not doing her job. If she's a SAHM then household chores are 100% her job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you get a whiff of your girlfriend wanting to be a SAHM, run. Period.

Well, depending on what you want. I’m a SAHM and frankly my husband has a pretty nice life. Having one parent at home eliminates a ton of stressors.

I dunno based on reading DCUM the SAHMs seem plenty stressed as a general rule.

[Anonymous]

Well OP let's get to the real issue. Is she putting out as often as you'd like? Long as she's doing that who cares if she's not on all fours scrubbing the bathroom tiles every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds depressed, which can make you really low-energy. She needs a job or a hobby or something to get her out of the house.

Lol. Knew that was coming.

So you anticipated the cause for an extremely common issue that has been addressed multiple times on this board? Wow! You must be so smart.

[Anonymous]

How is your 10-year old totally self-sufficient???? That’s impressive. Hats off to you both, although I don’t know how developmentally appropriate that is for a 10yo.

[Anonymous]

Didn’t know you had previously threads. I was with you wrote that the gym is $50 ( not a lot for a gym) and that she hasn’t lost weight lately and cannot run 30 min. You suck. Do not get into a relationship ever again. Nobody should be saddled with you.