Will my kids love me again?

[Anonymous]

They’re teens now and I miss when they were so thrilled to see me. I used to be their favorite person and now I’m just blah to them. Does it change? I have a 13 yo girl and a 14 yo boy. Any advice on how to make them like me again would be appreciated.

[Anonymous]

I’ve learned to listen more than talk. To offer rides and trips to get treats without any pressure to talk. Just being together is enough. Pick your battles and put systems in place so you don’t have to nag.

[Anonymous]

Yes they will

And PP point of "I've learned to listen more than talk" and "pick your battles"

[Anonymous]

Find times to talk when you’re doing an activity and you aren’t looking directly at them. For many kids it feels less intense and they get engrossed in the activity or task and open up

[Anonymous]

When they leave for college and have friends who's parents and homelife are horrific is when they realize that you are not actual stupid/evil/etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find times to talk when you’re doing an activity and you aren’t looking directly at them. For many kids it feels less intense and they get engrossed in the activity or task and open up

+1

[Anonymous]

Listen and don't judge. Tell then you love them and want the best for them ALL THE TIME. Take them out individually - I take my DD for Starbucks and sit with her for about an hour a week and just listen. I only have girls, so I have no idea how to bond with a boy, maybe the same way?

[Anonymous]

First off- they do love you. This is developmentally appropriate. Read untangled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They’re teens now and I miss when they were so thrilled to see me. I used to be their favorite person and now I’m just blah to them. Does it change? I have a 13 yo girl and a 14 yo boy. Any advice on how to make them like me again would be appreciated.

You were once a teen. Did this happen to you? Do you love your parents now?

[Anonymous]

I can't believe an adult wrote this.

[Anonymous]

I know my kids still love me, OP, but it is a painful shift. The way it's supposed to work, perfectly normal, but I too miss those ultra-lovey younger years. There's nothing like those intensely loving pre-tween years. Like other PPs, I notice better bonds when I make the time to hang out with them in a chill, judgment-free space. I aim for a minimum of one hour per week per kid, ideally more.

[Anonymous]

Get a puppy.

[Anonymous]

It’s not as overt as it once was, but I am still the first person my teen girls want to tell anything important and I love it. I try to match their energy level and not sound judgmental - I’m sure I fail at this sometimes but I try.

[Anonymous]

Please don't tell me you are this dramatic around you kids. It will definitely push them away more if you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not as overt as it once was, but I am still the first person my teen girls want to tell anything important and I love it. I try to match their energy level and not sound judgmental - I’m sure I fail at this sometimes but I try.

Aw I wish I had this relationship with my mom. By 13, I realized how judgemental, critical, and likely over to react she is. I never went to her with anything and we don't have a close relationship. Whatever you are doing, keep it up! Your daughters will realize how fortunate they are to have a mom like you as they get older.