Anyone else's kid graduating college without any social support network?

[Anonymous]

DD is graduating at the end of this month. They went to a T20 with a hefty amount of merit aid, turning down 2 Ivies in the process.

DD is graduating with honors, but is socially anxious, lonely, isolated, and doesn't have any close friends. She told me last night over the phone that she doesn't even want to go to graduation and is disgusted at the idea of attending Senior Week activities since she doesn't have any friends to attend them with. But she told me that she'll attend graduation because she knows it's important for me and DH. It makes me so sad that DD will graduate without the kind of life long friendships that most find in college. She doesn't talk to anyone from high school either, but I attribute that more to the pandemic than anything.

[Anonymous]

She's graduating from USC. And ironically, one of the two Ivies she turned down was Dartmouth (Penn was the other).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's graduating from USC. And ironically, one of the two Ivies she turned down was Dartmouth (Penn was the other).

Too late now, but I'm not sure USC was the best choice for your daughter. It's a school for gregarious extroverts who want to be social media influencers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's graduating from USC. And ironically, one of the two Ivies she turned down was Dartmouth (Penn was the other).

Too late now, but I'm not sure USC was the best choice for your daughter. It's a school for gregarious extroverts who want to be social media influencers.

There are 20k undergrads in the school, so I thought she'd be able to find her people. After joining multiple clubs and working an on-campus job, I was sad to be proven wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's graduating from USC. And ironically, one of the two Ivies she turned down was Dartmouth (Penn was the other).

Too late now, but I'm not sure USC was the best choice for your daughter. It's a school for gregarious extroverts who want to be social media influencers.

Oh please. There are 20,000 undergraduates with all different personalities and inclinations.

OP, I am sorry your daughter is going through this. Sometimes life is a lonely journey. She can say good riddance to her disappointing under grad experience and start settling into her adult life. Hopefully she’ll make friends through work, the gym, new apartment building, online, etc.

[Anonymous]

Does your daughter have a job ?

Or will she be attending graduate school ?

She should make friends either at work or grad school as her interests & daily activities will be similar to those of her peers.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am sorry your DD feels this way. I think our generation who attended college in the 1980s and 1990s may have built up expectations and oversold the college experience, especially when it comes to making lifelong friends. My sense is the vast majority of college student these days are deeply questioning the college experience and is it really worth it, not necessarily from an ROI perspective but more “what’s the point”. It’s not just a consequence of the Pandemic. Many of these kids are just going through the motions.

[Anonymous]

Maybe close the door on this chapter for her. Don't have her go to graduation. Take her on a great trip instead. Start her in therapy, help her begin a better chapter of her life. College, despite the way people talk, is not always "the best time of your life" - there is much to experience afterwards. Help her get there. But close this door for her.

[Anonymous]

OP: The issue is not her high school or college, it is her social development at this point in time. She should continue to grow & to develop both intellectually and socially. (Signs to watch out for are if she gets a cat or gets heavily involved in D&D (dungeons & dragons) role playing game as both are substitutes for socializing with humans in more typical settings.

[Anonymous]

Anxious introverted family here.

This is how I felt at my high school graduation. My son had that experience as well. In college I made some friends, and I hope my son will too.

I hope your daughter is getting the professional help she needs. Making and keeping friends is hard work for some of us, and she might very well need a little extra years to figure that out.

BTW, I didn't make lifelong friends in college. I moved internationally quite a lot, and my best friends are women I met when our kids were in preschool, plus my best friend from Kindergarten (different country, different culture, different language)!

Your daughter doesn't need to replicate your life to have a great life of her own. Please remind yourself of this. I have nothing like the life either of my parents had. Yet by a lot of measures, I have a successful and happy one.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry op. This was many years ago, but I had a hard time after college, and I actually did have a pretty strong social group in college. What are her plans after graduation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's graduating from USC. And ironically, one of the two Ivies she turned down was Dartmouth (Penn was the other).

Too late now, but I'm not sure USC was the best choice for your daughter. It's a school for gregarious extroverts who want to be social media influencers.

Oh please. There are 20,000 undergraduates with all different personalities and inclinations.

OP, I am sorry your daughter is going through this. Sometimes life is a lonely journey. She can say good riddance to her disappointing under grad experience and start settling into her adult life. Hopefully she’ll make friends through work, the gym, new apartment building, online, etc.

But there's a predominant vibe, and it ain't shy, anxious, and introverted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe close the door on this chapter for her. Don't have her go to graduation. Take her on a great trip instead. Start her in therapy, help her begin a better chapter of her life. College, despite the way people talk, is not always "the best time of your life" - there is much to experience afterwards. Help her get there. But close this door for her.

+1 This is true. Mental health issues can definitely appear/get worse in the late teens and early 20s, this kind of thing happens to a lot of young adults. Let her focus on what to do next (and how to make this next phase better).

[Anonymous]

OP here. She will work after college. Hopefully she will befriend some of her coworkers.

I am really concerned about her though. She never found her social footing in high school. The pandemic worsened it. She doesn't talk to anyone from high school. College has been more of the same. Sometimes I wonder if she has high-functioning autism or ADHD, but we got her a neuropsych in September (when she started therapy) and they said no to both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe close the door on this chapter for her. Don't have her go to graduation. Take her on a great trip instead. Start her in therapy, help her begin a better chapter of her life. College, despite the way people talk, is not always "the best time of your life" - there is much to experience afterwards. Help her get there. But close this door for her.

+1 This is true. Mental health issues can definitely appear/get worse in the late teens and early 20s, this kind of thing happens to a lot of young adults. Let her focus on what to do next (and how to make this next phase better).

Thank you. I hope she befriends some of her coworkers.