Daughter married a doctor, he’s pressuring her to pay off his student debt

[Anonymous]

We’re not meddling, our daughter came to us about this. She has a great career, advanced degree, and zero student debt. She met her husband while he was a medical resident, so all of his debt accumulated not just pre-marriage, but before they even met. It’s an eye popping sum I think in part because he attended prestigious private colleges, while she attended public universities our family could afford.

Should she be helping him wipe out such debts?

[Anonymous]

She's paying whether she likes it or not. He won't be able to contribute to the household expenses while he's paying down his debt.

[Anonymous]

I think he's just trying to financially abuse her. She should NOT pay off his debt.

[Anonymous]

The alternative would be they keep separate finances and he pays off his debt with his income?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re not meddling, our daughter came to us about this. She has a great career, advanced degree, and zero student debt. She met her husband while he was a medical resident, so all of his debt accumulated not just pre-marriage, but before they even met. It’s an eye popping sum I think in part because he attended prestigious private colleges, while she attended public universities our family could afford.

Should she be helping him wipe out such debts?

The short answer is yes, since they're a single financial unit now and wiping out his debt is beneficial to the family's finances.

[Anonymous]

Once you are married you are a financial unit. So they should make decisions about how to handle debt, including his student loans, together. In the context of their full financial picture.

Are you concerned that the marriage won't last very long or something?

[Anonymous]

Does she expect to eventually share in/benefit from his peak earnings as a physician? Thought experiment: What if he declared those monies "his" and walled it off from her/the family?

[Anonymous]

I married a dentist with over a hundred grand in student loan debt and 32 years ago. I had no debt. We worked 6 days a week to pay if off. We're a team.

[Anonymous]

They are married. Their money is combined regardless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she expect to eventually share in/benefit from his peak earnings as a physician? Thought experiment: What if he declared those monies "his" and walled it off from her/the family?

Exactly. "Hey hubby, you get the debt for the training. I get half of your rapidly increasing income." Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Of course. When you marry a person, you marry their debts too. If she didn’t want to deal with his school debt, she shouldn’t have married him. They could’ve just cohabitated.

[Anonymous]

Are they planning on keeping all their finances separate? If she won't be benefiting from his doctor income, then she should not be contributing to paying off his debts. If his income will be shared, then debts are shared.

You are either a team or you aren't. Not only a team when it advantages you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re not meddling, our daughter came to us about this. She has a great career, advanced degree, and zero student debt. She met her husband while he was a medical resident, so all of his debt accumulated not just pre-marriage, but before they even met. It’s an eye popping sum I think in part because he attended prestigious private colleges, while she attended public universities our family could afford.

Should she be helping him wipe out such debts?

The short answer is yes, since they're a single financial unit now and wiping out his debt is beneficial to the family's finances.

+1 unless you think they should keep their finances separate such that when/if he pays down the debt, and makes a ton of money, she should not benefit from it.

DH had a vacation house before we got together. He still had a mortgage on it. When we got married, we combined our finances, so I was helping pay that mortgage and insurance. He did also put my name on the title. When we sold that vacation house (much to his disappointment but that's another story), we used the proceeds along with the proceeds from our main house to put a large down payment on a larger house. So, in the end, I also benefited.

I do understand your reluctance, however. There is always that fear that he will skip out on her after she helps pay the debt. Sadly, this happens.

But, is he really "pressuring" her, or saying he wants to combine finances, which means she will end up helping to pay it off?

If pressuring, then I'd be miffed. If he wants to combine finances as married couples do, I don't see a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course. When you marry a person, you marry their debts too. If she didn’t want to deal with his school debt, she shouldn’t have married him. They could’ve just cohabitated.

+1 or did he hide the debt from her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are they planning on keeping all their finances separate? If she won't be benefiting from his doctor income, then she should not be contributing to paying off his debts. If his income will be shared, then debts are shared.

You are either a team or you aren't. Not only a team when it advantages you.

This.

Hopefully your SIL has a good prenup.