anyone else have stressed teens who are acting like jerks?

[Anonymous]

I have twin juniors. They're just about at the end of their rope with this school year: 5 or 6 AP exams coming up in a week+, 20 page research papers due this month, a teacher who doesn't give A's on principle, SAT/ACT tests on the weekends, college stress mounting, social stuff. It's a LOT.

That said, they are acting like complete jerks to me (their mom). They're rude, self-centered, fly off the handle in a minute, etc. Please spare me the "you suck as a parent for having raised such ingrates" comments.
Can anyone commiserate or give advice?
I am just feeling so down. These days are hard.

[Anonymous]

I think we can all commiserate. It will pass. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Spring of junior year is brutal. Cut your kids a break and give them as much space as possible.

[Anonymous]

I have a 13 year old acting like a jerk with less stress than this. I’m sorry you are dealing with this, sending good vibes your way and hoping it passes soon. You are doing a great job! We will tell you even if they won’t.

[Anonymous]

Probably the fact that you have twins makes it feel much worse.

Seems like your kids' school has some d**k teachers for having the 20 page papers due basically at the same time as AP tests.

Couldn't the school have the teachers assign those papers to be completed prior to Spring Break or something? Just awful timing which I am sure adds to the stress.

Also, are your kids also taking the SAT/ACT in May? You may want to consider paying the small fee and moving that to June.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have twin juniors. They're just about at the end of their rope with this school year: 5 or 6 AP exams coming up in a week+, 20 page research papers due this month, a teacher who doesn't give A's on principle, SAT/ACT tests on the weekends, college stress mounting, social stuff. It's a LOT.

That said, they are acting like complete jerks to me (their mom). They're rude, self-centered, fly off the handle in a minute, etc. Please spare me the "you suck as a parent for having raised such ingrates" comments.
Can anyone commiserate or give advice?
I am just feeling so down. These days are hard.

The best advice I ever heard was when my kids were preparing to go to middle school, they told us look your kids are gonna swing between high and lows. Your job is to remain steady and even keel.

You cannot take this behavior personally. I know it's hard, I've BTDT and know you feel. But you HAVE to develop a little detachment. You can set some boundaries in terms of disrespect, however not every hill is worth dying on and you need to let a LOT of stuff go. They lash out at you because you're safe -- you have to love them unconditionally.

Take a lot of deep breaths and count to 10. It helps.

This too will pass.

[Anonymous]

Why are they allowed to do all of that? No wonder they are acting out. Sometimes parents need to out their foot down when they can see their kid is taking on too much.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thx all.
The other thing they have going on are interviews/applications for summer jobs and sports. Good Lord. The sports.

My son plays varsity baseball. They had 4 games last week and 5 this week (4 weekday games plus a Saturday game). What the bloody hell? Each game is a 4 hour event with commute, warm-up, game, post-game, etc.
I am so frustrated with the coach. I would love it if my son quit (he is good but not headed towards recruitment) but he loves it. He has played baseball his entire life.

My other twin runs track and thankfully that is *only* 3-5 miles of running per day plus 1 track meet a week (rarely 2).

SIGH. It's just insanity. Nobody sleeps in our house. Everyone is angry all the time. We are SO freaking close to the end of the year but may not make it at this rate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are they allowed to do all of that? No wonder they are acting out. Sometimes parents need to out their foot down when they can see their kid is taking on too much.

OP here. Well, it's a little late to extricate them from things in the 4th quarter of junior year and some things are not optional (the research paper). We have high achieving kids and just rode the wave of the DMV parenting.

We have a rising 9th grader and we will be (and are) doing many things differently with him. Live and learn.

[Anonymous]

You are not alone.

I also have a varsity ball player and the game/practice schedule is brutal when combined with AP exams and all the teachers who have realized they are behind schedule to finish and are doubling up on assignments. So much crankiness.

I’m also somewhat shocked that the school system expectation is that they miss class regularly in order to be able to travel for away games. So mine is also trying to make up work from several classes missed each week. I can’t believe the system is set up this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think we can all commiserate. It will pass. Hang in there.

Agree. I just try to stay out of the way and I always try to have Hershey kisses and ice cream.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are they allowed to do all of that? No wonder they are acting out. Sometimes parents need to out their foot down when they can see their kid is taking on too much.

OP here. Well, it's a little late to extricate them from things in the 4th quarter of junior year and some things are not optional (the research paper). We have high achieving kids and just rode the wave of the DMV parenting.

We have a rising 9th grader and we will be (and are) doing many things differently with him. Live and learn.

I think that person is just not realistic and perhaps doesn’t have older teens. Varsity spring sport is a crusher but even without that most kids have a slew of APs and due to our school systems late start one month less to learn the material than kids in other states. Plus basically every kid has to have some kind of extracurriculars nowadays. And then you know they have the usual teen stuff with breakups and friend group drama and not knowing what you want to do with your life but feeling like everyone else has it figured out. Plus the issues with teaching nowadays really does trickle down to them — teachers that are unhappy, stressed, missing school, got stuck teaching a subject area they don’t really know….all of that leads to a much more stressful experience for the teens.

[Anonymous]

My ds to some extent is stressed and can be rude, also a junior It is mitigated by the fact that he has fewer APs and is very organized. He also is okay with his SAT score and decided not to retake. Spring sport just ended but exams are coming up and that is stressful. To echo what the poster said about teaching being an issue, his AP PreCalc teacher is so incredibly bad everyone is sure they will fail the AP exam.They are staying afloat as a class by working together on trying to understand the homework and material through youtube videos from other teachers. I am very angry teachers like this one ruin entire subjects for the kids. As for advice about attitude, I heard a great podcast saying teens basically want to dump their stress to get rid of it, much the same way they would empty a garbage can.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I hear you.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the heads up about Junior year. I am a mother of Sophomore twins, who are no more unpleasant than usual.