anyone else have stressed teens who are acting like jerks?

[Anonymous]

yes--sophomore three APs, screaming and yelling at me all day, really stressed about what score they get, also under pressure as all friends are dating and we have a little of "if they like me then they must be loser" going on, fixated on T20 and if I say no one is getting into these schools, regular school will be OK chews my head off

[Anonymous]

Same count me in. Sophomore and always moody, cant predict behavior and no school topic discussion. Cant wait for this school year to get done but not ready for Junior year as with more Ap's not sure will able to take it. Always drama at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are they allowed to do all of that? No wonder they are acting out. Sometimes parents need to out their foot down when they can see their kid is taking on too much.

OP here. Well, it's a little late to extricate them from things in the 4th quarter of junior year and some things are not optional (the research paper). We have high achieving kids and just rode the wave of the DMV parenting.

We have a rising 9th grader and we will be (and are) doing many things differently with him. Live and learn.

It’s sad that parents can use their own brains to make good decisions for their own kids. All of this is very predictable if you just think about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are they allowed to do all of that? No wonder they are acting out. Sometimes parents need to out their foot down when they can see their kid is taking on too much.

OP here. Well, it's a little late to extricate them from things in the 4th quarter of junior year and some things are not optional (the research paper). We have high achieving kids and just rode the wave of the DMV parenting.

We have a rising 9th grader and we will be (and are) doing many things differently with him. Live and learn.

I think that person is just not realistic and perhaps doesn’t have older teens. Varsity spring sport is a crusher but even without that most kids have a slew of APs and due to our school systems late start one month less to learn the material than kids in other states. Plus basically every kid has to have some kind of extracurriculars nowadays. And then you know they have the usual teen stuff with breakups and friend group drama and not knowing what you want to do with your life but feeling like everyone else has it figured out. Plus the issues with teaching nowadays really does trickle down to them — teachers that are unhappy, stressed, missing school, got stuck teaching a subject area they don’t really know….all of that leads to a much more stressful experience for the teens.

I have a college freshman so I’m not some naive parent of a toddler. Your kids don’t need to do all of that.

[Anonymous]

So you are the parent that pushes 6 AP’s on their kids and then whine they are stressed and mean. Hmmm

[Anonymous]

Right there with you. It's so hard. These kids have so much on their plate and it's exhausting dealing with their attitudes.

[Anonymous]

I try to use humor to defuse these situations. I also planned fun things to do to blow off steam. Soon this will all be a memory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you are the parent that pushes 6 AP’s on their kids and then whine they are stressed and mean. Hmmm

OP here. I had nothing to do with my kids' schedules. My kids met with their advisors, chose their own courses, registered for their own courses. When you have juniors you'll realize this. Kids run their own lives at this age. I can't make them take APs and I can't make them not take them.

I have influence earlier on (and with my rising freshman I'm using it). But by junior year that ship has sailed. The kids manage their own academic decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have twin juniors. They're just about at the end of their rope with this school year: 5 or 6 AP exams coming up in a week+, 20 page research papers due this month, a teacher who doesn't give A's on principle, SAT/ACT tests on the weekends, college stress mounting, social stuff. It's a LOT.

That said, they are acting like complete jerks to me (their mom). They're rude, self-centered, fly off the handle in a minute, etc. Please spare me the "you suck as a parent for having raised such ingrates" comments.
Can anyone commiserate or give advice?
I am just feeling so down. These days are hard.

Honestly, this is the hardest life will ever be for your kids, and it will be over in just a month. If you realize that, I think you'll be able to make it through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Honestly, this is the hardest life will ever be for your kids, and it will be over in just a month. If you realize that, I think you'll be able to make it through.

This is absurd. And if we as a society are allowing this to be the case, we are failing our children.

Op, hang in there (and push back with that baseball coach, wth!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you are the parent that pushes 6 AP’s on their kids and then whine they are stressed and mean. Hmmm

OP here. I had nothing to do with my kids' schedules. My kids met with their advisors, chose their own courses, registered for their own courses. When you have juniors you'll realize this. Kids run their own lives at this age. I can't make them take APs and I can't make them not take them.

I have influence earlier on (and with my rising freshman I'm using it). But by junior year that ship has sailed. The kids manage their own academic decisions.

Schools do not have the best interests of the kids in mind: of course they push strong students to take ALL APs: it looks great for the schools, they will work hard, get good scores, get into "prestigious" colleges, which also looks great. The kids' mental health is not something they remotely care about. You have to push back a bit and watch out for your kids. I do not think that, if you are being honest with yourself, your kids ever felt it was an option to say "dad, mom, I would rather just take 3 APs this year."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have twin juniors. They're just about at the end of their rope with this school year: 5 or 6 AP exams coming up in a week+, 20 page research papers due this month, a teacher who doesn't give A's on principle, SAT/ACT tests on the weekends, college stress mounting, social stuff. It's a LOT.

That said, they are acting like complete jerks to me (their mom). They're rude, self-centered, fly off the handle in a minute, etc. Please spare me the "you suck as a parent for having raised such ingrates" comments.
Can anyone commiserate or give advice?
I am just feeling so down. These days are hard.

Honestly, this is the hardest life will ever be for your kids, and it will be over in just a month. If you realize that, I think you'll be able to make it through.

My kids have it easier than OP's but I tell them the same thing. Honestly after high school college was an absolute breeze.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you are the parent that pushes 6 AP’s on their kids and then whine they are stressed and mean. Hmmm

OP here. I had nothing to do with my kids' schedules. My kids met with their advisors, chose their own courses, registered for their own courses. When you have juniors you'll realize this. Kids run their own lives at this age. I can't make them take APs and I can't make them not take them.

I have influence earlier on (and with my rising freshman I'm using it). But by junior year that ship has sailed. The kids manage their own academic decisions.

Schools do not have the best interests of the kids in mind: of course they push strong students to take ALL APs: it looks great for the schools, they will work hard, get good scores, get into "prestigious" colleges, which also looks great. The kids' mental health is not something they remotely care about. You have to push back a bit and watch out for your kids. I do not think that, if you are being honest with yourself, your kids ever felt it was an option to say "dad, mom, I would rather just take 3 APs this year."

OP here. I think this is something that parents learn over time. With your first kid (or kids in my place) you assume that rigorous classes are good and that your kids choosing to push themselves is good (especially since it usually comes on the heels of middle school when you wonder if your kid will ever care about anything or have any drive). It's hard to say to a kid: "hey, I don't think you should aim so high academically. Why don't you take it easy."

Like I've said, we are going to advise our third kid much differently. Or should I say "we are advising him much differently." Our eyes have been opened. We've learned a lot (and continue to learn a lot more) as we've parented.

[Anonymous]

I absolutely have a say over my kid’s classes. Just because they are almost adults on paper doesn’t mean they completely understand the implications of their choices. I won’t be a punching bag because I didn’t do my job as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Honestly, this is the hardest life will ever be for your kids, and it will be over in just a month. If you realize that, I think you'll be able to make it through.

This is absurd. And if we as a society are allowing this to be the case, we are failing our children.

Op, hang in there (and push back with that baseball coach, wth!)

+1. High school is certainly not the "hardest life is".