How is your marital relationship if your spouse is unhealthy and eats junk?

[Anonymous]

Wondering if anyone else is in a relationship with kids where one partner is glaringly unhealthy (obese, hypertonic, and never goes to doctors, sedentary lifestyle) and does not eat healthy (as in no vegetables, late snacking on sugary foods, skipping breakfast but religious about driving every morning to Starbucks). Ugh. The plethora of unhealthy habits is overwhelming for me. And our children have been copying this to a great extent too. I have caught myself thinking often that this all is a big turn off. Not sure how anyone can turn this around. But I hope there is a way.

[Anonymous]

It depends... why they're making those choices. Im the fat spouse in my relationship and i'm exhausted from work and being the default care giver. I don't have any gas left in the tank for anything else.

[Anonymous]

My wife is fat. She loves McDonald's and she does not exercise much. But she is a great wife and a great mother. The way she looks is secondary. We have a good marriage. We have a good time as a family. Do I want her eating habits to be better? Yes..But she is an adult she has ownership of her health.

Guys stop criticizing your spouses eating habits looks etc...

[Anonymous]

I’m the unhealthy eater but I’m not fat. We have 3 skinny kids. I grew up eating whatever I wanted and remained thin. I don’t think we eat completely unhealthy. We eat lots of fruit and not enough vegetables. I am a stacker and so are my kids. I also like pastries. I love to try to new restaurants.

I personally could not be with someone who ate too healthy and who could not enjoy tasty food as that is one of my favorite pastimes.

[Anonymous]

My husband is like that and he is a wonderful husband and father. He is involved in activities with our kids, who are all healthy teenagers. My husband works hard, contributes to our household chores, is an involved parent, and cares deeply about me and our kids. But I can also hear him opening a bag of chips as I type this. While I don’t love the junk food, I love him very much.

[Anonymous]

This terrifies me.

Sometimes I do the math about how much weight he gains per year and it scares me how big he’s going to be in 10 years. His mom passed away when she was 15 years older than he is today—she never made it to 60.

Like clockwork, he gains between 4 - 7 ponds every year of adulthood (I met him when he was thin at 21. He’s in his 40’s now.)

The worst part is that he complains about being fat all the time. Then he goes to McDonald’s for breakfast the next morning. This grosses me out. A lot.

[Anonymous]

This is an extreme case but my DH has gotten himself to the point where he is essentially handicapped. He can only stand for about 5 minutes. His BMI is over 60. I am very fit and active (though I do eat a lot of junk). I’m completely checked out. It is such a turnoff waking up in the morning to see the food mess he left behind (cheese wrappers, chip bags, etc.).

[Anonymous]

Disordered eating is a mental health issue. I say this as someone who has struggled with it for most of my life. For anyone who has not struggled with it, you'll just never get it. People's brains just aren't wired the same way, so for all of the posters whose spouses have unhealthy eating habits, I would suggest urging them to see a therapist to work on it. It's a combination of mental health (therapy), physical health (training), eating (dietician), and sometimes/often medication (which can be prescribed by a therapist). For me, I did the mental health, physical health, and eating pieces but it didn't all click until I tried medication. It's almost a 180 and I finally understand how "normal" people feel. Try to be supportive of your spouse and encourage them to find a therapist to discuss. There is no overnight solution, but the one PP who mentioned being stuck in the rut of complaining about being fat but still going to McDonald's for breakfast is so, so common. Again, it's really hard for people who haven't been there to understand. But I can tell you for sure that getting a third party involved is probably the best idea. No amount of nagging, begging, pleading, shaming is going to work.

[Anonymous]

People who use food as a coping mechanism, or who eat emotionally, have it rough. You can’t hide your disorder from the world if you become overweight. Other things, people can hide.

I agree food disorders are really and often a control or coping mechanism for stress. Being overweight and shamed, teased, bullied, reinforce the disordered behavior.

No one wants to live like this. Question what else is going on with a person to result in being visibly overweight or obese.

You’d tell an alcoholic to go to AA, but actual intelligent adults will bully someone who is obese. It’s a problem people need help to solve.

[Anonymous]

DH loves his steaks and potatoes, burgers, muffins, candy (even at his age), eats lunch out every day during the week. He has gained >60 lbs since we first met. He now has ED problems, big surprise.

[Anonymous]

I have a neighbor like this, but he gets Starbucks delivered. He also wears is pj pants everywhere. I don’t know how his wife does it. He’s slovenly.

[Anonymous]

I would encourage the gastric sleeve. It can completely change lives for the better.

[Anonymous]

We are a big snack, dessert, ice cream household. We are also all very active and eat healthy-ish meals. We do eat a lot of take out and my kids love McDonalds. My kids are all stick thin with essentially no fat. I’m now 45 years old and while I’m no longer stick thin, I’m still average thin. My husband doesn’t like to snack and doesn’t like sweets but he is gaining more weight than me in his forties. I work out more than he does.

I would encourage exercise more than nagging about junk food. My kids and I love snacks. We don’t eat as big meals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wondering if anyone else is in a relationship with kids where one partner is glaringly unhealthy (obese, hypertonic, and never goes to doctors, sedentary lifestyle) and does not eat healthy (as in no vegetables, late snacking on sugary foods, skipping breakfast but religious about driving every morning to Starbucks). Ugh. The plethora of unhealthy habits is overwhelming for me. And our children have been copying this to a great extent too. I have caught myself thinking often that this all is a big turn off. Not sure how anyone can turn this around. But I hope there is a way.

Hypertonic, sedentary, and eats junk food?? Sounds like the dream. What’s their secret!?

[Anonymous]

Set money aside for medical care?
Throw a fit and lecture them on the bad example they're setting their kids, and the low quality of life they're guaranteeing for themselves in the future?
Because it's not just one heart attack and done. It's surgeries and misery, and diminishing faculties, and a lot of caregiving burden on your loved ones... until you die. It's one thing to have medical issues you cannot control. It's quite another to knowingly inflict the same on on your body and your family.

I've done all these things, OP. He's trying, but nowhere near enough.