What would you call this? Friend question.

[Anonymous]

I have been friendly/aquainted with two women for the past year. Early on, I got the feeling that friend B didn't like me. She minimized my concerns and offered one word answers to my questions. She was short with me, like I pissed her off by existing. Friend A loves B, which is fine with me. B insulted me and I have declined invitations from A to spend time with both. I don't want a friendship with B, so I didn't tell her she insulted me (pretty sure she knows). A was pushing me to spend time with them both and I clearly told her I don't want to see B. She said she understood.
Fast forward a couple of weeks and A extended an invitation I couldn't resist. I agreed to go and then she informed me that B is going, too. I was flustered and haven't followed up to decline the invitation while reminding her that I don't want to see B.
How would you describe A's action? I know she didn't forget because she frequently urged me to be friends with B and I said no. Is she insensitive? Manipulative? Matchmaking? Do I need to ditch A, too?

[Anonymous]

We need to know how bad is B, did she call you a b to your face, or did you say you can’t have gluten but she went on a rant about how it’s a fad, but you really are celiac?

[Anonymous]

I would ditch them both at this point.
I’ve got 2 friends that don’t like each other. I would never invite one then just sneakily tell them other friend is going. That’s insensitive. Don’t know if there is a specific word for friend A though, other than manipulative l.

[Anonymous]

You need neither friend. Decline invite.

[Anonymous]

You are not the main character in A's life. She thought you could be mature and focus on the outting and her.

[Anonymous]

Don't let B stop you from having a good time. A probably just likes to bring people together and is hoping you'll give B another chance.
Who knows? Maybe she was going through something that she's done with now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We need to know how bad is B, did she call you a b to your face, or did you say you can’t have gluten but she went on a rant about how it’s a fad, but you really are celiac?

I made an effort to get along with B. I felt not great around her from day 1, but I told myself to give her a chance. Each time I tried to talk to her, she shut me down. I was talking to someone else about feeling tired after a 5 mile walk and she put in, "You have to consider the reality that you are out of shape." I am not out of shape, I was recovering from surgery. That was the insult. For some reason, that was the final straw for me. I suppose she made it clear she doesn't like me and I can't win her over, nor do I want to. Thankfully, I tolerate gluten just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been friendly/aquainted with two women for the past year. Early on, I got the feeling that friend B didn't like me. She minimized my concerns and offered one word answers to my questions. She was short with me, like I pissed her off by existing. Friend A loves B, which is fine with me. B insulted me and I have declined invitations from A to spend time with both. I don't want a friendship with B, so I didn't tell her she insulted me (pretty sure she knows). A was pushing me to spend time with them both and I clearly told her I don't want to see B. She said she understood.
Fast forward a couple of weeks and A extended an invitation I couldn't resist. I agreed to go and then she informed me that B is going, too. I was flustered and haven't followed up to decline the invitation while reminding her that I don't want to see B.
How would you describe A's action? I know she didn't forget because she frequently urged me to be friends with B and I said no. Is she insensitive? Manipulative? Matchmaking? Do I need to ditch A, too?

I wouldn't describe A's action, I would describe A. A is a person living in a world that doesn't revolve around you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ditch them both at this point.
I’ve got 2 friends that don’t like each other. I would never invite one then just sneakily tell them other friend is going. That’s insensitive. Don’t know if there is a specific word for friend A though, other than manipulative l.

Op here. If A is insensitive, then that's not a quality I want in a friend. If she is manipulative, that's even worse. I honestly don't know if she actually likes me or if she is bringing me round for B to take jabs at.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been friendly/aquainted with two women for the past year. Early on, I got the feeling that friend B didn't like me. She minimized my concerns and offered one word answers to my questions. She was short with me, like I pissed her off by existing. Friend A loves B, which is fine with me. B insulted me and I have declined invitations from A to spend time with both. I don't want a friendship with B, so I didn't tell her she insulted me (pretty sure she knows). A was pushing me to spend time with them both and I clearly told her I don't want to see B. She said she understood.
Fast forward a couple of weeks and A extended an invitation I couldn't resist. I agreed to go and then she informed me that B is going, too. I was flustered and haven't followed up to decline the invitation while reminding her that I don't want to see B.
How would you describe A's action? I know she didn't forget because she frequently urged me to be friends with B and I said no. Is she insensitive? Manipulative? Matchmaking? Do I need to ditch A, too?

I wouldn't describe A's action, I would describe A. A is a person living in a world that doesn't revolve around you.

Ah, but it is my life and I'm trying to understand the people and world around me.

[Anonymous]

Whatever A's reasoning is, she is not respecting your wishes. I couldn't continue a friendship like that. I'm assuming she knows she is free to hang out with B any time but that you do not want to be included when they are hanging out. Like you told her explicitly.

[Anonymous]

Decline from now on or if you really want to cling to the insensitive A, ask if B is going before accepting.

For this situation, you should take care of yourself as it would feel awful to knowingly subject yourself to the company of trash (yes only a trashy person would make the comment B did). You will be kicking yourself when she inevitably insults you, insists you are too sensitive or even worse if it's tense the entire time.

[Anonymous]

I dont think it matters why you dont like B. If I want to spend time with A, I want to spend time with A. That doesnt mean I automatically HAVE to spend time with A+B.

I also really hate when people spring it on you that they are adding others. Again, I agreed to spend time with you, not you+++++.

I'd just tell her something like, "A, I'm not comfortable spending time/attending event with B. If you want to hang out just us, let me know, but I think I'll skip this event."

I dont know what I'd call it.. maybe co-dependency between them? Maybe B is really possessive and that's why she doesnt like A having you as a friend? It doesnt sound like A is doing it maliciously, so I try to assume positive intent, like she just likes both of you and wants y'all to be one big happy family. That just doesnt pan out in this case.

[Anonymous]

I feel that A is in denial about how awful B is b/c she's not personally been on the receiving end of it. So she puts her head in the sand and wants to hang out with both of you when you've made your boundary clear.

She's immature and insensitive. I'd back out.

[Anonymous]

Just ditch A and B. Hopefully you have C, D, E, and F to hang out with!