Teen Gay son: What should he wear?

[Anonymous]

Okay women of DCUM, I have a question for you.
But first to set the stage:
My son is 13.
He is mildly autistic and has severe ADHD which is to say that he really likes comfy clothes. Also, he hates to try on clothes and mostly wears sweatpants and T-Shirts.

When he was little I spent a lot of time buying him gorgeous little dress pants and button down shirts which he never wore, so I stopped.

Now, he's getting to be the size of a full grown man and wants to be stylish and, well, look like a man, but I don't really know what to put him in.
I am a woman married to a woman so I don't have a husband to ask, so I'm turning to any of you to ask: what would you put your son in in this state?

I try to get him to pick out clothes, but he's just not up for it. I recognize that we should move towards this because he'll move out of the house fairly soon and needs to be able to choose his own clothes. But now that he actually wants to look attractive, I want to seize the opportunity and put him in some nicer looking clothes.

Any ideas? Links?

[Anonymous]

OP here again:
I realize I didn't really say what I'm asking, which is: what is appropriate for a 13 year old boy, fairly comfortable and not hopelessly uncool. He's not feminine at all, but he does like pink. So, that's what I've got for you to work with.

[Anonymous]

My 14 year old son and nearly all his friends wear black joggers or shorts. Black or white shirts. Black or white hoodie. Mostly nike or under armor.

That’s what will fit in with his peers. But it isn’t fashionable in any real sense.

[Anonymous]

I would drive to a mall and try stores like American Eagle. The one I went to over Christmas had several nice college kids working and they helped me pick a few things for my 13-yr-old who’d just had a major growth spurt. They have some really soft jeans and t-shirts in looser cuts that my kid likes. He’s against wearing obvious logos and doesn’t like anything tight. Uniqlo is also good for this.

My kid usually wears a t-shirt with either jeans or a pair of running shorts to school. Sometimes he wears Nike sweats. Most days he has a button down worn unbuttoned overtop because he gets cold in class. Not many hoodies these days, but he has a couple of pullover hoodies without any graphics. Shoes are Nike, Converse, Adidas, or Vans. Pretty much everything he has can be mixed and matched, just like when he was little

[Anonymous]

Try brands like Vuori which are super soft and wash well.

[Anonymous]

All the boys I know that age wear joggers or athletic shorts. I rarely see a boy in jeans. Mine is very picky about where the strings for the waist band, MUST be on the outside. I also try to buy the ones with zipper pockets so he won't drop stuff from he pockets.
I suggest browsing some clothing sites with him and see if there is any style that jumps out for him. I know he doesn't want to shop, but if HE wants to be more stylish he has to do some of the work otherwise you will just be returning clothes endlessly

[Anonymous]

My ADHD/ASD son has always dressed slightly preppy (meaning chinos, polos), all of his childhood and now young adulthood. Preppy also allows for pinks and pastels in general, of your kid likes those colors.

Now DS is doing his own laundry in college, he comes home with wrinkly chinos because apparently that's how it comes out of the dryer... so it's not a crisp and pressed look. But I guess a step above sweatpants!

None of my kids, NT or neurodivergent, wear jeans, they tell me they're not soft enough.

[Anonymous]

"Teen Gay son" sounds like he's gay, not that his mom's are gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Teen Gay son" sounds like he's gay, not that his mom's are gay.

Oh I didn’t even pick up on the two moms. I was thinking the son was gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Teen Gay son" sounds like he's gay, not that his mom's are gay.

NP, that’s what I assumed. Is the kid not gay? I have a gay son who came out in middle school and was about to talk about what he wore (answer—the same things as the other boys, as described by others in this thread, as fashion was not on his radar at that point). But is that not what’s going on?

[Anonymous]

What does his being gay have to do with anything? My 13 year old wears athletic clothes unless forced otherwise. Same with 99% of the kids at his school.

[Anonymous]

For pants to wear when sweat pants are not appropriate go to Lulu lemon men’s pants.

They feel like sweats, wash well, don’t need to be ironed, don’t shrink and look great.

Golf pants also work… this is not cool go to school clothes it’s more like jeans an khakis suck so wear this in those situations.

[Anonymous]

I think the moms are gay, and the son is gay.

Here's the thing: there's no one queer male aesthetic anymore. All clothes are gay if they are being worn by a gay person!

I think the first step is to figure out what he sees as his style.

If it is sporty, joggers + under armor tee + trendy sneakers.

If it's more preppy, I'd just google "sensory friend chinos" and "sensory friendly polo"

If he actually wants to have a more "queer coded" look, I'd go with "sensory friendly black pants" and "no tag fitted black t-shirt"

[Anonymous]

Nike or adidas jogger pants with the stripe down the side and the zip at the bottom.
Uniqlo joggers.
Slightly nicer tee shift, plain color or possibly a graphic if it’s something he’s into or possibly from someplace he went on vacation. (My son likes the graphic tees at Uniqlo many of which have an anime vibe).
Some kids will occasionally wear polos or a button down like a Hawaiian shirt but this is rare, at least in public school.
A couple hoodies. If you want to be fancy get a fancy brand hoodie like vuori or lulu, but most boys will wear American eagle, gap, Nike, champion, U.a, etc. avoid the ones with big logo names across the front.

If he likes pink, I think he could wear a pink tee shirt with black adidas track pants and be fine. Like this one:

https://www.uniqlo.com/us/en/products/E455365-000/01?colorDisplayCode=12&sizeDisplayCode=004&gad_source=1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay women of DCUM, I have a question for you.
But first to set the stage:
My son is 13.
He is mildly autistic and has severe ADHD which is to say that he really likes comfy clothes. Also, he hates to try on clothes and mostly wears sweatpants and T-Shirts.

When he was little I spent a lot of time buying him gorgeous little dress pants and button down shirts which he never wore, so I stopped.

Now, he's getting to be the size of a full grown man and wants to be stylish and, well, look like a man, but I don't really know what to put him in.
I am a woman married to a woman so I don't have a husband to ask, so I'm turning to any of you to ask: what would you put your son in in this state?

I try to get him to pick out clothes, but he's just not up for it. I recognize that we should move towards this because he'll move out of the house fairly soon and needs to be able to choose his own clothes. But now that he actually wants to look attractive, I want to seize the opportunity and put him in some nicer looking clothes.

Any ideas? Links?

I would have him browse store websites and see what he likes. My 13 year old likes Uniqlo, so we buy that style generally.