Teen Gay son: What should he wear?

[Anonymous]

I mean this seriously, but what does being gay have to do with it? Do you worry if he dresses a certain way he will be pegged as gay? If he was going to dress in the way I am thinking of that means, he wouldn't need his mom to advise him because he would most certainly have his own sense of style and be picking out his own clothes.

So that being said, I think you are safe taking him to any standard teen store or section and letting him pick out what he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again:
I realize I didn't really say what I'm asking, which is: what is appropriate for a 13 year old boy, fairly comfortable and not hopelessly uncool. He's not feminine at all, but he does like pink. So, that's what I've got for you to work with.

He’s gay though? It’s strange that was in subject title.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the moms are gay, and the son is gay.

Here's the thing: there's no one queer male aesthetic anymore. All clothes are gay if they are being worn by a gay person!

I think the first step is to figure out what he sees as his style.

If it is sporty, joggers + under armor tee + trendy sneakers.

If it's more preppy, I'd just google "sensory friend chinos" and "sensory friendly polo"

If he actually wants to have a more "queer coded" look, I'd go with "sensory friendly black pants" and "no tag fitted black t-shirt"

This
Good luck, OP! My kid loves clothes, and 13 has been interesting. I think he’s changed his “aesthetic” a few times already this school year!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Teen Gay son" sounds like he's gay, not that his mom's are gay.

Oh I didn’t even pick up on the two moms. I was thinking the son was gay.

My son is gay and he has gay moms. Both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean this seriously, but what does being gay have to do with it? Do you worry if he dresses a certain way he will be pegged as gay? If he was going to dress in the way I am thinking of that means, he wouldn't need his mom to advise him because he would most certainly have his own sense of style and be picking out his own clothes.

So that being said, I think you are safe taking him to any standard teen store or section and letting him pick out what he wants.

So, what I mean by mentioning that he's gay is that, my experience as a lesbian in the 90s was that when I first came out, I wanted to dress in a coded way that indicated I was a lesbian. Because it was new. Also, for most of my gay male friends they dress with more care and attention than most of my straight male friends. And the point is that I don't know what that means for a 13 year old boy. Because I'm a fuddy duddy mom in my own bubble that does not include young stylish people much at all, much less young stylish gay men.

But, the PPs who said I need to get him involved are correct. The thing is, i've always basically bought him so many clothes that he could find something he liked in them, and not wear the rest, but with decent looking men's clothes instead of little boys clothes from Target and Nordstrom Rack, this is going to get expensive unless he at least tells me what he likes somewhat.

[Anonymous]

My MS boy is gay. He wears what the other boys wear. In MS, boys range from really caring about their fit to not caring at all.

Today he wore a light blue Hollister pullover hoodie, light colored jeans, and Nikes.

Tomorrow, he'll probably wear Adidas joggers and some random plain t-shirt. And, of course, a zip-up hoodie of some color.

This is a typical rotation for him.

[Anonymous]

Still not understanding how the son’s sexuality impacts his choice of clothing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Still not understanding how the son’s sexuality impacts his choice of clothing

It's all about "coding" and "sending a message".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Still not understanding how the son’s sexuality impacts his choice of clothing

I tried to explain, but I guess you didn't follow, so I guess this thread is not for you.

Here are some articles on gay fashion in case you're being genuine.
https://www.theguardian.com/fashion/2017/apr/25/30-years-of-gay-style-from-disco-chic-to-hipster-bears
https://www.stitchfashion.com/home//the-incredibly-gay-history-of-manly-clothes
https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2018/05/200131/gay-men-clothing-fashion-lgbtq-experience

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Still not understanding how the son’s sexuality impacts his choice of clothing

I tried to explain, but I guess you didn't follow, so I guess this thread is not for you.

Here are some articles on gay fashion in case you're being genuine.
https://www.theguardian.com/fashion/2017/apr/25/30-years-of-gay-style-from-disco-chic-to-hipster-bears
https://www.stitchfashion.com/home//the-incredibly-gay-history-of-manly-clothes
https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2018/05/200131/gay-men-clothing-fashion-lgbtq-experience

I’m not disagreeing but those articles are pretty old

[Anonymous]

Do NOT dress your 13 year old. Let him choose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Still not understanding how the son’s sexuality impacts his choice of clothing

I tried to explain, but I guess you didn't follow, so I guess this thread is not for you.

Here are some articles on gay fashion in case you're being genuine.
https://www.theguardian.com/fashion/2017/apr/25/30-years-of-gay-style-from-disco-chic-to-hipster-bears
https://www.stitchfashion.com/home//the-incredibly-gay-history-of-manly-clothes
https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2018/05/200131/gay-men-clothing-fashion-lgbtq-experience

I'm the PP with the MS gay DS. I mean, sure. I guess. If that's what the kid is interested in, awesome.

The kid should find his own style and not worry about the attached articles.

[Anonymous]

Okay, it's pretty clear to me that this was the wrong place to ask this question.

But, might I suggest that those of you who are actually telling a gay person that gay fashion means nothing, especially today, might want to check yourselves before you wreck yourselves? Especially if you have gay kids, maybe try to be more open minded?

Meaning, don't lecture someone about the fashion realities of their own community. Would I give a lecture to black women about what fashion choices mean in their community? No. Would I lecture professors about what professional dress is these days? No. So, don't tell me, as a gay person that being gay is irrelevant to fashion. It's not. I just thought I could start a fun thread about what types of clothing my gay son might enjoy but, oh well, guess this is why we can't have nice things.

Since it came up, here are a few articles on gay fashion that are more recent. Not a passe trend. In fact, an evergreen topic.

https://www.vice.com/en/article/xgxgjn/queer-fashion-ideas
https://www.autostraddle.com/oscars-2024-lgbtq-fashion-red-carpet/
https://www.culturedmag.com/article/2024/02/12/jackson-wiederhoeft-new-york-fashion-week

If you'd prefer 20 articles from 2023, I could google those for you too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, it's pretty clear to me that this was the wrong place to ask this question.

But, might I suggest that those of you who are actually telling a gay person that gay fashion means nothing, especially today, might want to check yourselves before you wreck yourselves? Especially if you have gay kids, maybe try to be more open minded?

Meaning, don't lecture someone about the fashion realities of their own community. Would I give a lecture to black women about what fashion choices mean in their community? No. Would I lecture professors about what professional dress is these days? No. So, don't tell me, as a gay person that being gay is irrelevant to fashion. It's not. I just thought I could start a fun thread about what types of clothing my gay son might enjoy but, oh well, guess this is why we can't have nice things.

Since it came up, here are a few articles on gay fashion that are more recent. Not a passe trend. In fact, an evergreen topic.

https://www.vice.com/en/article/xgxgjn/queer-fashion-ideas
https://www.autostraddle.com/oscars-2024-lgbtq-fashion-red-carpet/
https://www.culturedmag.com/article/2024/02/12/jackson-wiederhoeft-new-york-fashion-week

If you'd prefer 20 articles from 2023, I could google those for you too.

OP, what stuck out more in your OP was that your kid has sensory issues, is mildly autistic and has severe ADHD. He wants to look attractive. That's great.

Forget about all the articles. He's in MS. He needs to find what he can tolerate and still look how he wants to look.

My DS is gay. He likes certain looks in his mind. He watches gay fashion TikTok's. There are plenty out there for gay boys. Will he actually put effort into wearing these things? Most likely not really at his age. What you are putting on your kid may be too much at the moment. It can wait. Let him find his own style.

[Anonymous]

I would steer him towards expensive athleisure capsule wardrobe of a few key pieces (solids and minimal prints). That way, he has a base to explore sleek or later get funky/grungy/preppy/whatever by adding in when he starts to care.