Sensitive topic of other color, body odor and cultural food smell

[Anonymous]

Our private daycare has kids that are mostly white, some asian and indian. The other day, DD5 made a shocking comment to me that that black boy looks different and scary to her. She also commented the other day it is stinky when she was near a Hispanic adult man. She covered her nose and hid behind me. I think it was probably body odor or oily hair gel something. I corrected her immediately on the side that it was mean/rude to say, and it would make others upset. She asked why and she did not like my answer. According to the data now, our home elementary school is mostly white, more hispanic kids in home middle school, and more black kids in home high school. Our neighborhood is mostly white. Any tips to teach her on this topic? To her at this age, it is not really racial discrimination, and it is just that she does not like some looks or some smell but those traits happen to be related to some race. She is sensitive to smell and she loves those princess on books/tv and they happen to be mostly in lighter color. She makes stinky comments about some of my cooking as well, and I hope that she does not make any comment if other kids bring their homecooked lunchbox sitting next to her at school one day.

[Anonymous]

This is largely on your for being able to count in one hand her exposure to people of other ethnicities.

If kids aren't exposed to other people of other races and shown that they use the same libraries, pools, classrooms as you do, what do you expect?

[Anonymous]

Eh we’re white and if I cook fish for dinner one of my kids still asks what smells.

This is just a lesson in etiquette and being polite. Sometimes we see, smell, taste, touch, or hear something that we find uncomfortable.

Teach her to think in terms of hurting people’s feelings. So which is more important—that she tell someone something doesn’t smell good or that she hurts someone’s feelings with her words.

[Anonymous]

Focus on manners. It doesn’t matter if she thinks a Hispanic man smells or a white mans; it’s rude either way. Make sure she has books with nonwhite princes and princesses too.

[Anonymous]

Some people are just more sensitive to smells, OP. I am that person in the family, the person who's always the first to smell gas escaping, the person who is most bothered by frying and garlic smells (blargh), the person who wants to air out the rooms because of they smell musty...

So my kids never said those things, but then again... they're not super smellers like me.

You should remind her that some things cannot be said out loud at school or to her friends. She can say them to you, and you will explain. It's a steretype, but was the Hispanic man doing manual labor? Sweaty people won't smell the same as non-sweaty people. For the Black boy, you have to explain that people aren't scary because of their skin color. They can't help that and she should observe actions, not looks.

You absolutely need to prevent the nascent link in her brain between skin color, or smell, and moral worth or social value. But instead of discounting the evidence of her sense, you have to explain the very normal reasons why she observed what she did, and drew the wrong conclusions.

[Anonymous]

^ sorry for typos. Need caffeine.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP it’s lack of exposure. Our preschool and where we live is very international and I found the behavior and manner of some of the ELL European preschoolers to be foreign and strange (and I kept that to myself of course).

My DCs on the other hand are used to all kinds of cultures so they do not think of any of this as noteworthy.

Since you’re in more of a bubble, I would make sure they are exposed to more diversity through books, outings, etc.

[Anonymous]

little kids say/do things that would be totally inappropriate in the older kid/adult world, but it doesn't mean they're bad people! this is a clear moment to start having regular conversations about all kinds of things related to what to do/not do when something is unfamiliar

[Anonymous]

I have a super sensitive nose. Let her adjust and remind her to keep her thoughts to herself. That’s the real lesson here. Everything else will follow.

[Anonymous]

When I was just out of college my 4 year old niece came over to my apartment with my SIL. I had a lot of Asian and Indian neighbors. My niece proceeded to tell me how awful my apartment building smelled. I didn't take it as an insult. She is little and lived in a single family home.

Kids say what the feel and smell. Introduce your child to many cultures and they will will become familiar with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the PP it’s lack of exposure. Our preschool and where we live is very international and I found the behavior and manner of some of the ELL European preschoolers to be foreign and strange (and I kept that to myself of course).

My DCs on the other hand are used to all kinds of cultures so they do not think of any of this as noteworthy.

Since you’re in more of a bubble, I would make sure they are exposed to more diversity through books, outings, etc.

What is this?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she needs to be exposed MORE.

Don't want to raise a bigot who thinks "hispanic people are stinky".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is largely on your for being able to count in one hand her exposure to people of other ethnicities.

If kids aren't exposed to other people of other races and shown that they use the same libraries, pools, classrooms as you do, what do you expect?

All of this

[Anonymous]

Expose her to tacos and fried rice she probably is only associated to bland food

[Anonymous]

Op, she is learning this somewhere. Home or school. Ask her why she says/does these things in the moment and correct. It also sounds like you need more diversity in your life since kids model parent.