High maintenance DD

[Anonymous]

My 16yo is incredibly high maintenance when it comes to her beauty ritual. Different face creams, hair stylers, teeth whitening treatments, as well as a myriad of makeup products. The money isn’t an issue, but I don’t want DD to grow accustomed to these luxurious habits if she will not be able to keep them up. I certainly will not be paying for these things once she’s in college.

Is this normal? As I crazy for endorsing it?

[Anonymous]

Yes you are crazy for endorsing it.

She's 16 let her get a job to pay for those things.

We could easily afford that stuff, you want it get a job.

And to all the answers "my kids job is school", yes we agree school comes first but if you raise a well balanced kid they can do both.

Every kid needs to learn how to work for someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes you are crazy for endorsing it.

She's 16 let her get a job to pay for those things.

We could easily afford that stuff, you want it get a job.

And to all the answers "my kids job is school", yes we agree school comes first but if you raise a well balanced kid they can do both.

Every kid needs to learn how to work for someone.

Thanks for the reply. She has a part time job but doesn’t make nearly enough to pay for all of the stuff listed above (for example, haircuts alone can be like $350). However, she does spend most of her money on these items.

[Anonymous]

+1 Yes you are crazy for endorsing it.

[Anonymous]

Be the adult. Draw the line.

[Anonymous]

I have a similar problem and have started a google spreadsheet that shows how much each thing costs, date, etc. This is the beginning of her starting a budget. She already has to pay for a lot of her own stuff out of her allowance, and she just had a birthday and asked for some of those more expensive make ups as gifts, but we were clear if she wanted to maintain them she would be paying for them later.

[Anonymous]

My kid also spends a lot of time on her looks, but she uses mostly drugstore stuff. I'll buy her some nicer stuff on occasion. She knows she cannot afford the nicer things herself, so it would be not a good strategy to have her become accustomed to the more expensive stuff now.

We've had a lot of discussions about the value of money and spending.

[Anonymous]

We started down this road with our DD when she was young to help her fit in. (Admittedly, my parents made us work for everything, and unlike other kids I went to school with, never had cool clothes or haircuts or anything.) She is now a young adult and we are having a difficult time cutting her off. She is out of college, has a good job, but doesn't make nearly enough to provide a lifestyle that she's accustomed to.

It was easier to make older DS become responsible because he didn't do as well in school and doesn't have the high maintenance needs. So even we see the disparity of how we treat our kids. Not sure how to fix it.

Very long way of saying that if you can't say no now, OP, good luck cutting off a child with these expectations later. Based on the comments here I wish we had made her get a job and pay.

[Anonymous]

Your DD is not high maintenance, she is entitled. Calculate what you are paying now and cut in in half. In a few months, cut it again. Be prepared because she will probably pitch a fit. She needs a job, as well as a dose of reality .(Soup kitchen).

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why you would be paying for stuff now that you wouldn’t pay for in college.

This is not snark, I just don’t get the strategy you’re going for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DD is not high maintenance, she is entitled. Calculate what you are paying now and cut in in half. In a few months, cut it again. Be prepared because she will probably pitch a fit. She needs a job, as well as a dose of reality .(Soup kitchen).

God, let me one day believe in anything the way DCUM believes in the power of sending teens to a soup kitchen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes you are crazy for endorsing it.

She's 16 let her get a job to pay for those things.

We could easily afford that stuff, you want it get a job.

And to all the answers "my kids job is school", yes we agree school comes first but if you raise a well balanced kid they can do both.

Every kid needs to learn how to work for someone.

Thanks for the reply. She has a part time job but doesn’t make nearly enough to pay for all of the stuff listed above (for example, haircuts alone can be like $350). However, she does spend most of her money on these items.

C'mon, OP, you know a 16 year old will do just fine without a $350 haircut. You have to be more active to cut the habit.

[Anonymous]

My kids get the baseline from me. Haircuts (under $100), shampoo/conditioner/lotion/basic toiletries, I'm open to basically any brand or item you can buy at the grocery store (where I buy my stuff).

If you want to spent $350 on a haircut that's on you. Makeup? Sephora? Hair dye? You can ask for those kinds of things for gifts for Christmas or your birthday, I'm happy to buy it for you for an occasion. Or you can get a job and pay for it. I am ABSOLUTELY not buying a teenager a $350 haircut out of my own budget. Insane.

[Anonymous]

It’s really sad how the beauty industry has gotten their claws into so many young women, who really don’t need all these products at all.

[Anonymous]

I buy expensive products for my household. We share some of the stuff, and I introduce them to the finer things in life. In college, I want them to focus on their studies, interships and jobs, so I am also willing to pay, within reason, for a limited amount of quality clothes and products.

If they want to keep that up when they've graduated, they need to get good jobs and invest wisely.

What I don't want them to do is squander their money on fast fashion that falls apart after a season, or products that make them break out, or toxic crap.