Do you think MC families are happier than UMC families?

[Anonymous]

We are an UMC family living in an affluent competitive area (McLean). My kids are strong students and kids are very academically focused. Parents are well educated and have UMC jobs (lots of lawyers and doctors). Everything feels competitive whether it is music, soccer, baseball, swim or tennis. There are so many smart talented kids. My youngest is in first and parents are talking about AAP (advanced academic program) that they get screened for in second grade.

I see friends in other normal areas or out of state and it feels much less stressful and carefree. I was talking to a friend with a junior in college and they seem not stressed and content and satisfied with the child going to a non competitive college. The kid doesn’t have good grades or a high SAT score and they don’t seem bothered.

Do you think MC or average people are happier?

[Anonymous]

No. MC families are three paychecks or less away from financial problems. Their fancy dinner out is to Olive Garden or Outback. Their vacations are camping or traveling to boring places to see relatives.

You can be UMC and not be competitive.

[Anonymous]

Yes. UMC are some of the most miserable people around.

[Anonymous]

You can choose to not be bothered by your child going to a non-competitive college.

[Anonymous]

It's nice to be middle class if you are surrounded by middle class people. My best friend is raising her kids in her hometown in Texas, which is a small city with very few objectively UMC or rich people. They have a great life and no one is looking over their shoulders.

As someone who grew up middle class surrounded by UMC and rich people (through a quirk of school boundaries), I don't think it's a great way to grow up. Even if your family is confident and secure in their class status, growing up on the edge of things means you either say no to a lot or you are always stretching in the hopes of getting your kids the opportunities that their peers have.

I think an ideal situation from the perspective of ease of parenting/happiness is to grow up in an economically homogenous environment.

[Anonymous]

What is UMC and what is MC?

Objectively I'd say we are UMC because our HHI ($270k) is well above the median for the DMV, but are nowhere near being able to afford a home in McLean, for example.

But I guess we live MC lives. We live in a townhouse. Our family vacations are not fancy. We do splurge on nice meals from time to time. We are pretty happy because:
- DH and I both make similar amounts of money and both have flexible, low-key jobs that allow for a lot of family time
- We have hybrid work schedules and when we do commute, it is not far.
- We live below our means so we don't stress about money

We are definitely not stressed about sending our DD to a competitive college. Worrying about that seems bizarre. We just want her to be happy and be able to support herself with a decent job. There are a lot of colleges that can deliver that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. UMC are some of the most miserable people around.

Particularly those that choose to raise their kids in hyper-competitive areas like McLean. We chose not to buy in those areas (McLean, Potomac, etc.) or send our kids to private despite being able to afford it because we grew up UMC and watched cousins burn out by college, aunts and uncles divorce and age poorly due to stress. We're raising our kids in a middle class area and still feel a lot of the competition around academics and activities. If that's "normal" for DC, I can only imagine what the UMC lifestyle kids are feeling. To us, it's truly not necessary and it's harmful for the entire family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. UMC are some of the most miserable people around.

Particularly those that choose to raise their kids in hyper-competitive areas like McLean. We chose not to buy in those areas (McLean, Potomac, etc.) or send our kids to private despite being able to afford it because we grew up UMC and watched cousins burn out by college, aunts and uncles divorce and age poorly due to stress. We're raising our kids in a middle class area and still feel a lot of the competition around academics and activities. If that's "normal" for DC, I can only imagine what the UMC lifestyle kids are feeling. To us, it's truly not necessary and it's harmful for the entire family.

OP here. I’m doubting our choice of McLean to raise our kids. We moved to McLean for their good schools.

[Anonymous]

We live in McLean and you are right about it being super competitive. However it’s up to you to not be dragged into that. My kids are doing great academically and have made great friends but I always tell them their only competition is with themselves and to tune everything else out. They are in multiple activities but nothing that requires cut throat competition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in McLean and you are right about it being super competitive. However it’s up to you to not be dragged into that. My kids are doing great academically and have made great friends but I always tell them their only competition is with themselves and to tune everything else out. They are in multiple activities but nothing that requires cut throat competition.

In anything and everything they do, there are all these levels and it is very obvious quickly if your kid is not at the top level. My kid tried science Olympiad and both the kids and parents were so competitive. My youngest loves science and I think child would be very turned off with all things science in that type of competitive environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. MC families are three paychecks or less away from financial problems. Their fancy dinner out is to Olive Garden or Outback. Their vacations are camping or traveling to boring places to see relatives.

You can be UMC and not be competitive.

Oh no! Camping?! Family??

How could anyone cope with such a boring existence?

[Anonymous]

It's an east coast thing, partly because incomes (and cost of living) are so much higher here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. UMC are some of the most miserable people around.

Particularly those that choose to raise their kids in hyper-competitive areas like McLean. We chose not to buy in those areas (McLean, Potomac, etc.) or send our kids to private despite being able to afford it because we grew up UMC and watched cousins burn out by college, aunts and uncles divorce and age poorly due to stress. We're raising our kids in a middle class area and still feel a lot of the competition around academics and activities. If that's "normal" for DC, I can only imagine what the UMC lifestyle kids are feeling. To us, it's truly not necessary and it's harmful for the entire family.

OP here. I’m doubting our choice of McLean to raise our kids. We moved to McLean for their good schools.

DP. I also live in McLean and dislike this aspect of it. We moved here before we even had kids and just vaguely knew that the schools were good. I had no idea what raising kids here would be like. My kids are completely average for this area, so I plan to just disengage from the competitive aspect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is UMC and what is MC?

Objectively I'd say we are UMC because our HHI ($270k) is well above the median for the DMV, but are nowhere near being able to afford a home in McLean, for example.

But I guess we live MC lives. We live in a townhouse. Our family vacations are not fancy. We do splurge on nice meals from time to time. We are pretty happy because:
- DH and I both make similar amounts of money and both have flexible, low-key jobs that allow for a lot of family time
- We have hybrid work schedules and when we do commute, it is not far.
- We live below our means so we don't stress about money

We are definitely not stressed about sending our DD to a competitive college. Worrying about that seems bizarre. We just want her to be happy and be able to support herself with a decent job. There are a lot of colleges that can deliver that.

You are not middle class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can choose to not be bothered by your child going to a non-competitive college.

+1. You don’t need to go to a competitive college to be a success. I went to an average college because I didn’t want tons of student loans. I have a great career. I would never stress about this for my kids. We are UMC but not in a crazy competitive area so don’t notice much of what OP notices.