Are you ok w your son having a GF?
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Anonymous
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My DD has had a BF for over a year. He is a good kid. At first his parents seemed elated by my DD. Now over a year later DD is getting feeling they don’t like her and the relationship. They don’t go to the same school or live in the same town. They see each other at most once a week but more often every other week or more. They are both great students w serious outside sports commitments. They do things separately with friends. DD thinks BFs parents thought it was cute at first but didn’t expect them to stay together so long - and now think that he shouldn’t be involved in a long term relationship. Dad wants him to be a guys guy and the mom wants him focused only on studies. They are a bit helicopter parents. We on the other hand are totally fine w them being together. It’s not all the time and her academics are good.
Does your DS have a GF and, assuming it’s not an unhealthy situation, are you ok with it? I’m not going to get involved but just curious about what boy parents’ views are. I shouldn’t care but I think my DD is great and can’t understand it for her. |
Anonymous
| Is she rude or disrespectful? Manners? |
Anonymous
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My guess is they are concerned about the relationship lasting until college or maybe she's a prospective DIL.
My aunt met her husband in 8th grade. They never forgot my grandma reasonably suggesting my aunt try dating other people in high school. (Everyone involved was college-educated with post-grad training.) |
Anonymous
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It's not the gender, but the child in question, and the impact on his college prospects.
My son has severe ADHD and when he was in high school, he needed to focus 100% on his studies. I would NOT have welcomed an intense relationship at this point in his life. From your end, it doesn't seem intense, but maybe his parents are privy to a different side of things and they've noticed he's more distracted, and are attributing this, perhaps wrongly, to the girlfriend. My high school daughter, OTOH, would probably not be fazed by such a relationship. She manages her time well, knows her priorities, has a good head on her shoulders, etc. You as the parent of the girl in question cannot change the other parents' concerns or opinions, but you can respect them. All you need to do is stay neutral and avoid encouraging the relationship. If it survives, it survives. |
Anonymous
| How old? Do they drive? Does BF have older, younger siblings? So many possibilities. BFs parents may have had experience with other kids significant others that make them want to be a bit more standoffish. They may hear from you son things u don’t know about. When I have heard boy mom’s complain about GFs, it’s been about emotional neediness and drama. But, really, I wouldn’t worry about it. |
Anonymous
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My son is 17 and has ADHD. It makes him more immature than his peers. He is dating a girl who is one year younger. I think she is fabulous and I spend more time making sure he is treating her well. Accepting boundaries, being considerate, driving safely, respecting her (and her parents' wishes). I also talk to him about making sure his girlfriend treats him well, too. Honest, managing any arguments in a healthy way, not being overly clingy (they signed up for Life 360 to track each other and I nixed that fast).
If things were ideal, I wish he would just play sports and focus on school. I do worry that if this relationship ends, he will be crushed and it will impact his studies. But so far he seems to be managing things fairly well. Grades have slipped a bit but not horribly. He needs to learn (and I think he is) how to manage different aspects of his life and find an appropriate balance. I can't imagine disliking a girlfriend unless she is mean and manipulative. I've told my son from a young age, find a partner who is kind, and you are kind to them -- all the other stuff like attraction, values, goals, sense of humor, etc. will work itself out. I don't care if she wants to be a hair stylist or a bioengineer or a stay at home partner. That's all for my son to figure out. But kindness? That's the nonnegotiable piece. On both sides. |
Anonymous
| At this point you better hope that they get in a relationship young, because the dating scene in general is such a mess. |
Anonymous
| My only friends that had an issue with it was because their son started talking about planning his future around her. They got together soph year and when it came time to think about college, he only wanted to look at schools that she was applying to or nearby ones. They weren't thrilled that he wouldn't look at anything else. They ended up at the same college and broke up a few months in. Luckily he liked the school. |
Anonymous
| I would tell your daughter not to take it personally. It isn’t about her. It’s about what is next for him. They likely don’t want his relationship with her factoring in to his future plans about where he goes to college, etc. |
Anonymous
OP. I can understand a parent worrying about this. I would strongly discourage against that for my own DD and don’t think she (or he) has any plans to do this. She has a bright future. If he ended following her to college, which isn’t going to happen, he’d end up at a really good school (and vice versa). I see your point though. |
Anonymous
Seems kind of controlling for parents to want to decide their child’s future so badly that they’d interfere - even if indirectly - with a relationship. The son will end up resenting them for it. In the future he will distance himself so they can’t get involved. And the next time the girl could be a lot worse. |
Anonymous
This is so accurate and it’s scary and I think it has a lot to do with parents preventing their teens from dating. Then they have no innocent love and firsts while they are still in the house and you can help them out. And the they go from none of that to college drunk hook ups and then to lonely working adults on dating profiles. Romance and socialization and companionship is dying and I truly believe helicopter parents and the stress and control they put on their kids ruin their teen years. And so if they can’t date, socialize and learn how dating and like/love and boundaries work in person, they sit home like “good kids” and look at porn and sit on social media to learn. It’s not healthy. I am totally fine with my teens dating |
Anonymous
I really agree with all of this. My 16yr old has learned a lot dating and now has had a gf for about 6 months. She’s a really nice girl. Grades have actually gotten better and I think dating prior helped his social skills and his self esteem. I don’t think he would have picked his current gf if he was a player or cared what other teens thought. Watching him mature over the last 2 years (started dating as a freshman) and help guiding him when he asked questions and break-ups have just helped him. He still has a few friends that are home on weekends just playing video games and they are totally different kids. Not bad, just different. |
Anonymous
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Getting an early start on possessive jealous inlaws.
Next time she goes to visit, send her with a Calculus study guide. |
Anonymous
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How old? There's a big difference between 13 and 17.
I was ok with my 15yo son having a gf, as long as it didn't start interfering with his other friendships or his future plans. I think dating as a teen is normal and healthy. Revolving your entire life around one other person is not. |