Are you ok w your son having a GF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 17 yo ds has a gf. She’s lovely but honestly, they’re in high school and I’m not getting invested in them being together forever. As long as he is happy and there doesn’t seemed to be any issues, I don’t care who he dates.

Thing is that you may seem nonchalant to yourself but you are telling them that they are too young, doomed to break up and you don't care about what they have together. You are practically hoping for them to break up.

Im a realist. They’re 17. They both are college bound. She’s a legacy at an Ivy that my son has no interest in attending. If they do stay together through college, great. But I think that’s unlikely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell your daughter not to take it personally. It isn’t about her. It’s about what is next for him. They likely don’t want his relationship with her factoring in to his future plans about where he goes to college, etc.

Seems kind of controlling for parents to want to decide their child’s future so badly that they’d interfere - even if indirectly - with a relationship. The son will end up resenting them for it. In the future he will distance himself so they can’t get involved. And the next time the girl could be a lot worse.

This^. First they don't want their kids to get involved with anyone then later worry why can't he/she find anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think anyone against teen dating it really weird, but there are plenty of helicopter parents of this generation.

I would still make sure all is well on their parents end. Maybe something happened that is making them second guess the relationship and she isn't telling you

+1000. I had lunch with a mom last week who shared that she doesn’t let her 14 year old son date and seemed bothered he’s dating someone. She said they tell people they are dating but she doesn’t allow him to see her outside of school. The mom also read his text messages with the GF. Apparently the son told the mom “don’t worry mom you’ll always be my first love.”

The entire time I was thinking - GET A LIFE.
It comes across as almost stalking the child and monopolizing their time.

Also it makes dating a bigger deal than it is. Getting to know the opposite sex and having romantic interests is a normal part of life and growing up. Acting like it’s some extreme event isn’t doing your kids any favors.

There are some boy moms that are really that weird. I had a friend who was very much like this.

My DD15 has a BF and his family is so welcoming to her. They have been together for 6 months and both of their grades have gone up and they seem to balance sports, extracurricular, and friends well. Every once in awhile I need to step in and say, you saw him 2x this week, make it a friends weekend. It’s very important to me that she doesn’t become clingy or dependent and I am happy to help her navigate it while she is still home with us. She’s pretty open with me which I never had with my own mom.

I think it will eventually be a tough break-up but that’s how life works. Young love is sweet and first loves is one of the toughest heartbreaks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 17 yo ds has a gf. She’s lovely but honestly, they’re in high school and I’m not getting invested in them being together forever. As long as he is happy and there doesn’t seemed to be any issues, I don’t care who he dates.

Thing is that you may seem nonchalant to yourself but you are telling them that they are too young, doomed to break up and you don't care about what they have together. You are practically hoping for them to break up.

Legacy or not, anyone's chances of getting into an ivy are slim, unless her dad gas a building on campus with his name on it.

Its not about you being a realist, its about taking someone and their relationship for granted. With a high divorce rate, a realist shouldn't even take married couples seriously but that's not what people need from you. You need to respect every 18+ adult relationship. Even with a chance of breakup, its not make-believe or pretend, it is real until it ends.

Im a realist. They’re 17. They both are college bound. She’s a legacy at an Ivy that my son has no interest in attending. If they do stay together through college, great. But I think that’s unlikely.

[Anonymous]

Legacy or not, anyone's chances of getting into an ivy are slim, unless her dad gas a building on campus with his name on it.

Its not about you being a realist, its about taking someone and their relationship for granted. With a high divorce rate, a realist shouldn't even take married couples seriously but that's not what people need from you.

You need to respect every 18+ adult relationship. Even with a chance of breakup, its not make-believe or pretend, it is real until it ends.

[Anonymous]

Many moms just aren't ready to get go of their kids and subconsciously actively trying to sabotage young relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Legacy or not, anyone's chances of getting into an ivy are slim, unless her dad gas a building on campus with his name on it.

Its not about you being a realist, its about taking someone and their relationship for granted. With a high divorce rate, a realist shouldn't even take married couples seriously but that's not what people need from you.

You need to respect every 18+ adult relationship. Even with a chance of breakup, its not make-believe or pretend, it is real until it ends.

I don’t understand what you think I’m doing wrong? I have met her and her parents. She comes over for dinner and we chat when I see her. It is unclear to me what more I need to do. My ds is dating her not me. It is up to my son and her how the relationship goes.

[Anonymous]

I would not be crazy about this scenario. My kid really only has 1 night per week to see friends so if he is hanging out with a gf from another school, he is not seeing his friends from HS which would make me nervous about him socially isolating at school and becoming dependent on her.

My son does have a gf at his school. I have only met her once but she seemed great! And they each seem to maintain their own lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Legacy or not, anyone's chances of getting into an ivy are slim, unless her dad gas a building on campus with his name on it.

Its not about you being a realist, its about taking someone and their relationship for granted. With a high divorce rate, a realist shouldn't even take married couples seriously but that's not what people need from you.

You need to respect every 18+ adult relationship. Even with a chance of breakup, its not make-believe or pretend, it is real until it ends.

Yawn

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not be crazy about this scenario. My kid really only has 1 night per week to see friends so if he is hanging out with a gf from another school, he is not seeing his friends from HS which would make me nervous about him socially isolating at school and becoming dependent on her.

My son does have a gf at his school. I have only met her once but she seemed great! And they each seem to maintain their own lives.

If your teen only has one night a week to see friends and de-stress that is your fault as a parent. Chiming in about relationships, also your fault

[Anonymous]

I have a 17DS junior and 14DD freshman and I am fine with both of them dating. They both have friends with parents who aren’t and guess what? They are doing it anyway. And when I see these parents in public places or school functions bragging about how they only focus on school or sports, I just shake my head and nod.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 17DS junior and 14DD freshman and I am fine with both of them dating. They both have friends with parents who aren’t and guess what? They are doing it anyway. And when I see these parents in public places or school functions bragging about how they only focus on school or sports, I just shake my head and nod.

Right. It’s completely normal at this age to date.

[Anonymous]

[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not be crazy about this scenario. My kid really only has 1 night per week to see friends so if he is hanging out with a gf from another school, he is not seeing his friends from HS which would make me nervous about him socially isolating at school and becoming dependent on her.

My son does have a gf at his school. I have only met her once but she seemed great! And they each seem to maintain their own lives.

If your teen only has one night a week to see friends and de-stress that is your fault as a parent. Chiming in about relationships, also your fault

Really? How many nights a week does your teen hang out with friends? Mine has homework plus soccer practice twice a week and games plus scouts camping once a month. Al stuff he picked - I don’t pick his activities for him. “Long distance” relationships are tough for a lot of reasons and have a lot of challenges — I wouldn’t ban it but I would not be crazy about it. My son’s fist Gf was at a different school in a different town—I didn’t say anything but I was glad when they broke up because he was spending a lot of time just on phone with her. This current relationship is so much healthier — they go out for snacks after school, can take the bus to meet up, can study for an exam together, etc.
it’s okay as a parent to be less than enthusiastic about a teen’s relationship if it’s preventing them from doing other things that are healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not be crazy about this scenario. My kid really only has 1 night per week to see friends so if he is hanging out with a gf from another school, he is not seeing his friends from HS which would make me nervous about him socially isolating at school and becoming dependent on her.

My son does have a gf at his school. I have only met her once but she seemed great! And they each seem to maintain their own lives.

If your teen only has one night a week to see friends and de-stress that is your fault as a parent. Chiming in about relationships, also your fault

Really? How many nights a week does your teen hang out with friends? Mine has homework plus soccer practice twice a week and games plus scouts camping once a month. Al stuff he picked - I don’t pick his activities for him. “Long distance” relationships are tough for a lot of reasons and have a lot of challenges — I wouldn’t ban it but I would not be crazy about it. My son’s fist Gf was at a different school in a different town—I didn’t say anything but I was glad when they broke up because he was spending a lot of time just on phone with her. This current relationship is so much healthier — they go out for snacks after school, can take the bus to meet up, can study for an exam together, etc.
it’s okay as a parent to be less than enthusiastic about a teen’s relationship if it’s preventing them from doing other things that are healthy.

Nah you are controlling.

Saying you don’t like your son spending too much time on the phone so you are glad they broke up? Yikes. It’s called socialization.

And why do you care since the poor kid only has one free night a week

Some of you parents only have eyes for college resumes and forget that these teens need social skills, autonomy, street smarts and how to navigate a world, post schooling and college resume activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 17DS junior and 14DD freshman and I am fine with both of them dating. They both have friends with parents who aren’t and guess what? They are doing it anyway. And when I see these parents in public places or school functions bragging about how they only focus on school or sports, I just shake my head and nod.

Right. It’s completely normal at this age to date.

Exactly. High schoolers date. If you are interfering, it says more about you than any teen who wants to be together.