Sophomore in college feels sad/alone

[Anonymous]

Hi-my seemingly well adjusted DD is a sophomore in at an intense academic school. No problem with the work but is now a sophomore and has not found her "people". Seems to think she was unlucky with her orientation groups etc. Her major EC does't seem to lend itself to meeting her people. Has tried other activities etc. I am hoping she starts working with a therapist. I know there's little I can do but it's tearing me apart that she feels so sad and she's sick of it!

[Anonymous]

As the mother of a daughter who transferred her sophomore year, I can sympathize. How far away from home is she? Does she have friends from high school that may be able to visit her at her school or could she visit one of them for a weekend? My daughter had been at a school half way across the country and is now two hours from home (UVA). She's much happier knowing she can come home for the weekend (and visit with her dogs and parents, in that order) and has a car at school so it's quite easy.

I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers. I know how difficult it is to worry about you child being sad. Seems like she's done what she could to try to find a group. Maybe it's just not the right fit of school?

[Anonymous]

op here-thank you for your thoughtful response. My DD is actually pretty close so she does have that option. I know she would just like to build a life at school. I suggested transfer but she didn't think that was what she wanted which I understand is a very complex decision. I am thrilled to hear your DD is happier now. How did she find friends as a transfer?

[Anonymous]

I feel your pain OP - but please let your daughter know that she is not alone. Sophomore year is often a when college students realize the random placement of the dorms did not yield true friendships....getting involved with activities they are interested in should help. One of my DCs really enjoyed being a tour guide at their U and found that the kids in that program were very outgoing and friendly and social. They also played rec sports and one was in greek life. Volunteering for an organization you really care about is another great way to meet people with like-minded interests. Again - sorry your DD is feeling down, but truly they are not alone and getting involved should help. Good luck to you both.

[Anonymous]

Can she get a part time job? I never found my people in college, was friendly with plenty of people but never got close to anyone, but having a part time job did help give me interactions with peers outside of my dorm and major. Can't say I found my people at work either but it was still nice for a change of pace.

[Anonymous]

Is she still in the dorm? Is she friends with her roommate? I would encourage her to notice others in her social situation. Is she willing to sit down in the cafeteria with someone who is sitting alone? She doesn’t need a best friend, just a few girls to attend sporting events and parties.

[Anonymous]

A romantic involvement can lift her spirit and may bring some built in friendships and opportunities to socialize.

[Anonymous]

Most college students these days, if they aren't in Greek Life or varsity athletes, don't "find their people" in college. It's just the nature of living as a young adult these days -- a sense of community and in-group belonging is much lower these days.

[Anonymous]

If you aren't an athlete or wish to rush, avoid going to schools where greek life or athlete-non athlete divide is strong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you aren't an athlete or wish to rush, avoid going to schools where greek life or athlete-non athlete divide is strong.

How in any way does this relate to what OP shared?

[Anonymous]

Can she join a choir? Or theater group, a community service fraternity? What about a club for her political party? Or a club for some other interest? She needs to loop into activities beyond academics perhaps. There are all sorts of clubs in college. What is she involved with now?

[Anonymous]

Can she study abroad next year? Won’t matter that she has few friends at her home school and can be a terrific experience.

Then she just has senior year and she’s done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can she study abroad next year? Won’t matter that she has few friends at her home school and can be a terrific experience.

Then she just has senior year and she’s done.

I love this idea.

[Anonymous]

I work with someone whose daughter did not make any friends at college until her study-abroad semester where she made a ton of friends and loved college after that. The study abroad is a good idea.

[Anonymous]

If he was friendly with anyone a year ahead, that person may be on study abroad.