Is it too late to be part of something important?

[Anonymous]

I look back at the friends and family whose lives I envy, and they each one thing - they were a part of something larger than themselves, a group that had kinship-like ties. Whether that was college athletics, the military, even an MLB player, they were part of a "exclusive" community. There's nothing like that for a woman pushing 50, right?

[Anonymous]

Ties with people is different than seeking an identity rooted in a "cause" OP.

I know people who have found ties in a group by joining a church or meditation community, for example, in mid-life.

Why not focus on strengthening ties to the friends and family you mention, creating shared happy joint memories, etc.?

[Anonymous]

Run for congress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ties with people is different than seeking an identity rooted in a "cause" OP.

I know people who have found ties in a group by joining a church or meditation community, for example, in mid-life.

Why not focus on strengthening ties to the friends and family you mention, creating shared happy joint memories, etc.?

I'm aware. I'm wanting both at the same time, like the examples I gave.

[Anonymous]

Your question rubs me the wrong way, OP. Instead of contributing something useful to society, you want to be part of an exclusive group, regardless of which one it is?

DH and I are research scientists who work in cancer research. The people I most admire have always been the people who serve humanity through their profession or their volunteer work. Teachers, nurses, managers of soup kitchens or animal shelters, specialists who risk their lives working for Doctors Without Borders on the frontlines of war. My cousin, who works for an organization building refugee camps for Syrians in North Africa.

Such people, as a group, have my entire admiration and respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your question rubs me the wrong way, OP. Instead of contributing something useful to society, you want to be part of an exclusive group, regardless of which one it is?

DH and I are research scientists who work in cancer research. The people I most admire have always been the people who serve humanity through their profession or their volunteer work. Teachers, nurses, managers of soup kitchens or animal shelters, specialists who risk their lives working for Doctors Without Borders on the frontlines of war. My cousin, who works for an organization building refugee camps for Syrians in North Africa.

Such people, as a group, have my entire admiration and respect.

I'm glad you have ways of meeting your community needs. I do not. I am absolutely, 100% alone. It's devastated my mental health. Your insistence that I don't deserve both community and being of use to society rubs me the wrong way.

[Anonymous]

I would be wary of this OP. I know people who have found or created communities like this in their lives and I don't think it's always good. Like... a cult is an "exclusive" community with "kinship-like" ties. So are some cult-adjacent organizations.

A lot of people get a lot of personal validation out of being a member of a group that others are excluded from. If that's you, I would ask yourself why that aspect is important to you. Why does it make you feel better to know that you were "chosen" over other people? What is it about your mental make up that makes you crave that kind of selection?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be wary of this OP. I know people who have found or created communities like this in their lives and I don't think it's always good. Like... a cult is an "exclusive" community with "kinship-like" ties. So are some cult-adjacent organizations.

A lot of people get a lot of personal validation out of being a member of a group that others are excluded from. If that's you, I would ask yourself why that aspect is important to you. Why does it make you feel better to know that you were "chosen" over other people? What is it about your mental make up that makes you crave that kind of selection?

Not worried about getting caught up in a cult - if I was that desperate, it would have already happened! I just need some validation, I guess. I've never had it, and the older I get, the more I realize I've never been of use to anyone. I just want to be wanted.

[Anonymous]

Get involved in your local community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your question rubs me the wrong way, OP. Instead of contributing something useful to society, you want to be part of an exclusive group, regardless of which one it is?

DH and I are research scientists who work in cancer research. The people I most admire have always been the people who serve humanity through their profession or their volunteer work. Teachers, nurses, managers of soup kitchens or animal shelters, specialists who risk their lives working for Doctors Without Borders on the frontlines of war. My cousin, who works for an organization building refugee camps for Syrians in North Africa.

Such people, as a group, have my entire admiration and respect.

I'm glad you have ways of meeting your community needs. I do not. I am absolutely, 100% alone. It's devastated my mental health. Your insistence that I don't deserve both community and being of use to society rubs me the wrong way.

No, we're clearly getting the message that the usual volunteering circuit is beneath you and that you "want to be part of an exclusive community"! You realize that you cited extremely challenging professions - military, major league baseball and college athletics - none of which are accessible to you at this time?

You seem to suffer from delusions of grandeur. I know people in middle age who have embarked on marvelous adventures (sailing around the world, climbing the world's highest peaks, starting an entirely new career), but these people had a goal centered around a passion. They knew what they wanted, fundraised, prepared for years. They didn't expend considerable energy and effort doing what they did "to be part of something larger than themselves". Their focus was narrow and intense.

You're not going anywhere with that attitude.

[Anonymous]

Take a class? Volunteer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I look back at the friends and family whose lives I envy, and they each one thing - they were a part of something larger than themselves, a group that had kinship-like ties. Whether that was college athletics, the military, even an MLB player, they were part of a "exclusive" community. There's nothing like that for a woman pushing 50, right?

OF COURSE there is. Get involved in the effort to secure a free and fair election in November 2024. This is going to be Civics 101 in some places and may involve near-street-warfare in others, and nobody knows which is which. You will have friends for life. Also, hopefully, a democracy still standing.

[Anonymous]

^ the woman I'm thinking of who circumnavigated the globe started by learning how to build her own ship, and then built it, and sailed in it. Your vague little midlife crisis is definitely missing that depth of passion. You can't turn depression/social isolation into motivation. They're completely different neural circuits in your brain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your question rubs me the wrong way, OP. Instead of contributing something useful to society, you want to be part of an exclusive group, regardless of which one it is?

DH and I are research scientists who work in cancer research. The people I most admire have always been the people who serve humanity through their profession or their volunteer work. Teachers, nurses, managers of soup kitchens or animal shelters, specialists who risk their lives working for Doctors Without Borders on the frontlines of war. My cousin, who works for an organization building refugee camps for Syrians in North Africa.

Such people, as a group, have my entire admiration and respect.

I'm glad you have ways of meeting your community needs. I do not. I am absolutely, 100% alone. It's devastated my mental health. Your insistence that I don't deserve both community and being of use to society rubs me the wrong way.

No, we're clearly getting the message that the usual volunteering circuit is beneath you and that you "want to be part of an exclusive community"! You realize that you cited extremely challenging professions - military, major league baseball and college athletics - none of which are accessible to you at this time?

You seem to suffer from delusions of grandeur. I know people in middle age who have embarked on marvelous adventures (sailing around the world, climbing the world's highest peaks, starting an entirely new career), but these people had a goal centered around a passion. They knew what they wanted, fundraised, prepared for years. They didn't expend considerable energy and effort doing what they did "to be part of something larger than themselves". Their focus was narrow and intense.

You're not going anywhere with that attitude.

I never said it was beneath me. I said it's not something that will fill this particular need - I've already been a GAL in three different states!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I look back at the friends and family whose lives I envy, and they each one thing - they were a part of something larger than themselves, a group that had kinship-like ties. Whether that was college athletics, the military, even an MLB player, they were part of a "exclusive" community. There's nothing like that for a woman pushing 50, right?

Too late.