Is it too late to be part of something important?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ties with people is different than seeking an identity rooted in a "cause" OP.

I know people who have found ties in a group by joining a church or meditation community, for example, in mid-life.

Why not focus on strengthening ties to the friends and family you mention, creating shared happy joint memories, etc.?

I'm aware. I'm wanting both at the same time, like the examples I gave.

If you are not a troll you sound like you have narcissistic tendencies, OP.

Your focus on external validation and exclusivity may be why you feel so empty? Value the people around you and cultivate humility. That would put you in an "exclusive" group, but not one you can brag about at cocktail parties.

What part of "I have no community" don't you understand? I don't attend cocktail parties. I don't even have friends to brag to.

Why have you isolated yourself like this? Do you have kids, siblings, husband, neighbors?? Your self isolation is a choice you’re making. You have to start showing up to stuff and connecting with people if you want to be part of a tribe that’s bigger than just yourself.

I don’t understand how you make it to 50 without being part of anything, no community. This must be a troll post.

[Anonymous]

Gosh, there seems to be one in extremely nasty person posting over and over here.

Really, give it a rest. OP asked a simple question.

Op, one thing I’ve learned is that virtually any activity had a community associated with it. Thank you for being a GAL; that is hard work and desperately needed. Can you look into some advocacy groups in the same space? What are some other issues you care about? That will help us give you ideas.

[Anonymous]

It's likely too late if you are 50, unless you fall into a massive amount of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your question rubs me the wrong way, OP. Instead of contributing something useful to society, you want to be part of an exclusive group, regardless of which one it is?

DH and I are research scientists who work in cancer research. The people I most admire have always been the people who serve humanity through their profession or their volunteer work. Teachers, nurses, managers of soup kitchens or animal shelters, specialists who risk their lives working for Doctors Without Borders on the frontlines of war. My cousin, who works for an organization building refugee camps for Syrians in North Africa.

Such people, as a group, have my entire admiration and respect.

I'm glad you have ways of meeting your community needs. I do not. I am absolutely, 100% alone. It's devastated my mental health. Your insistence that I don't deserve both community and being of use to society rubs me the wrong way.

Join your local UU church and get involved in all the peace and justice work they do. And if they don't run it, volunteer weekly at the local soup kitchen - feeding hungry people is some of the most rewarding work you will ever do and is full of loving connection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ties with people is different than seeking an identity rooted in a "cause" OP.

I know people who have found ties in a group by joining a church or meditation community, for example, in mid-life.

Why not focus on strengthening ties to the friends and family you mention, creating shared happy joint memories, etc.?

I'm aware. I'm wanting both at the same time, like the examples I gave.

If you are not a troll you sound like you have narcissistic tendencies, OP.

Your focus on external validation and exclusivity may be why you feel so empty? Value the people around you and cultivate humility. That would put you in an "exclusive" group, but not one you can brag about at cocktail parties.

What part of "I have no community" don't you understand? I don't attend cocktail parties. I don't even have friends to brag to.

And we see why. Your attitude is horrible. You can’t act like this and speak to people this way and expect to be accepted into any group. Most people don’t tolerate rude outsiders.

[Anonymous]

3 pages in and OP refuses to answer the simple question of wth a GAL is.

No sympathy from me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I look back at the friends and family whose lives I envy, and they each one thing - they were a part of something larger than themselves, a group that had kinship-like ties. Whether that was college athletics, the military, even an MLB player, they were part of a "exclusive" community. There's nothing like that for a woman pushing 50, right?

I mean I consider some of my mom groups this for me. Maybe that’s pathetic but some of them are friends for life. What about an epic book club, wine club, cookbook group, tennis/pickleball group? Join some sort of charity group locally that does luncheons and galas. People are pretty all in for life. It’s not larger than life but you can make your own friendships and tradition. My DH was in college football and he keeps in touch with some of them and has close friends but it’s not exactly an exclusive community or larger than life.

[Anonymous]

I think a religious community or time-intensive political activism are probably the easiest entry points. You can't just show up for what's offered, you have to really jump into offering a lot of your time to make those deeper social connections. It is going to take longer than the military or college sports because you're not forced together for hours every single day, but you can do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:3 pages in and OP refuses to answer the simple question of wth a GAL is.

No sympathy from me.

Not OP but it's a guardian ad litem, someone who is supposed to speak for a child's interest in child welfare proceedings. Not a lawyer. Some places use the term CASA--court appointed special advocate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your question rubs me the wrong way, OP. Instead of contributing something useful to society, you want to be part of an exclusive group, regardless of which one it is?

DH and I are research scientists who work in cancer research. The people I most admire have always been the people who serve humanity through their profession or their volunteer work. Teachers, nurses, managers of soup kitchens or animal shelters, specialists who risk their lives working for Doctors Without Borders on the frontlines of war. My cousin, who works for an organization building refugee camps for Syrians in North Africa.

Such people, as a group, have my entire admiration and respect.

Which means you know people professionally, and likely socially, who are involved in the same field, you relate to the same challenges and accomplishments. You may also be part of a research team that is in the trenches together. You speak the same language. I think that is part of what OP is getting at. Doesn't necessarily mean exclusivity as in social status.

[Anonymous]

I think it is OP's use of "exclusive" that is getting her all the negative responses. I don't take it to be meaning something that only certain people can get into but rather something that is tight knit because not everyone does it. DH and I found our community through a martial arts dojo. Not exclusive at all, but it is a small community that is around each other a lot. I didn't find my community in my various volunteer activities because the volunteers came and went and there wasn't a lot of consistency of who I spent a lot of time with.

OP, what are your interests? I think that can help narrow it down of how you can find your community.

[Anonymous]

Never too late to join a cult

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your question rubs me the wrong way, OP. Instead of contributing something useful to society, you want to be part of an exclusive group, regardless of which one it is?

DH and I are research scientists who work in cancer research. The people I most admire have always been the people who serve humanity through their profession or their volunteer work. Teachers, nurses, managers of soup kitchens or animal shelters, specialists who risk their lives working for Doctors Without Borders on the frontlines of war. My cousin, who works for an organization building refugee camps for Syrians in North Africa.

Such people, as a group, have my entire admiration and respect.

I'm glad you have ways of meeting your community needs. I do not. I am absolutely, 100% alone. It's devastated my mental health. Your insistence that I don't deserve both community and being of use to society rubs me the wrong way.

You need to take a good look at yourself. Why is it important for you to be part of communiry that others aren't allowed to be in?

I don't think you're cruel; I think you are mixed up in the head and need some therapeutic conversations to untangle your thought process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ties with people is different than seeking an identity rooted in a "cause" OP.

I know people who have found ties in a group by joining a church or meditation community, for example, in mid-life.

Why not focus on strengthening ties to the friends and family you mention, creating shared happy joint memories, etc.?

I'm aware. I'm wanting both at the same time, like the examples I gave.

If you are not a troll you sound like you have narcissistic tendencies, OP.

Your focus on external validation and exclusivity may be why you feel so empty? Value the people around you and cultivate humility. That would put you in an "exclusive" group, but not one you can brag about at cocktail parties.

What part of "I have no community" don't you understand? I don't attend cocktail parties. I don't even have friends to brag to.

Why have you isolated yourself like this? Do you have kids, siblings, husband, neighbors?? Your self isolation is a choice you’re making. You have to start showing up to stuff and connecting with people if you want to be part of a tribe that’s bigger than just yourself.

I don’t understand how you make it to 50 without being part of anything, no community. This must be a troll post.

The first post makes pretty clear why OP has trouble making friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ties with people is different than seeking an identity rooted in a "cause" OP.

I know people who have found ties in a group by joining a church or meditation community, for example, in mid-life.

Why not focus on strengthening ties to the friends and family you mention, creating shared happy joint memories, etc.?

I'm aware. I'm wanting both at the same time, like the examples I gave.

If you are not a troll you sound like you have narcissistic tendencies, OP.

Your focus on external validation and exclusivity may be why you feel so empty? Value the people around you and cultivate humility. That would put you in an "exclusive" group, but not one you can brag about at cocktail parties.

What part of "I have no community" don't you understand? I don't attend cocktail parties. I don't even have friends to brag to.

In you own OP you state

I look back at the friends and family whose lives I envy