My CS is less than 10% of the other parent’s income but!

[Anonymous]

Ex H moved out in 2018 and there was some drama and a lot of bullying me into a fairly low amount of CS (all done via settlement agreement). Finalized in 2022. I agreed to unfavorable terms because I wasn’t in a good place emotionally (there was another emotionally draining issue in my life plus divorce) and I just couldn’t stand being bullied any longer. All he agreed to do was negotiate a set amount.

We now have a pretty amicable coparenting relationship, mostly because I was always pretty deferential and avoided arguing and just used soft influence to get my ex to do things he honestly should have been doing anyway (he initially moved 40 mins away, didn’t do much with or for DS, etc). He is now paying for some things on top of CS like car insurance, DS’s clothes, helped with some vacations etc.
Anyway DS is now 14 and has a fairly decent relationship with dad though not very close. DS lives with me but spends many weekends with dad and I can leave him with dad for a month or so if needed.
Anyway, on the other hand I just found out how much my ex makes (he was laid off and sent me his separation agreement in some weird moment of trust I guess? Or just stupidity - he was never great with paperwork) and it turns out his CS is less than 10% of his gross pay. He also majorly outearns me.
Anyway, I could probably try to get much more CS from him even through the state child support services but that would open a huge can of worms.
What’s worst of all it could affect DS and his relationship with dad, but also my ex can make my life living hell if he wants to. He is emotionally unstable and I suspect has untreated ADHD at best but probably some other personality disorder as well.

So the question is… should I keep the peace and just hope DS gets some of the money (like paid college tuition… that’s not legally enforceable in our state) by playing nice? Or should I play hardball?

[Anonymous]

You sound greedy. Kid is with dad a lot and you even leave him for a month at a time. Take him back to court but don’t be surprised if he asks for 50-59 since the kid is there that much. And, if you get more child support you need to pay for clothing and insurance. And why is he paying for your vacation. Pure greed.

You sound equally difficult.

[Anonymous]

Concentrate on your money. Going to court and possibly ruining your/their relationship gets you nowhere. Maybe he will gift or leave son the extra money he makes now that they makes money.
My ex hasn't paid the lousy $400 a month for ten years. I was too busy making my own money and investing it; now I'm financially free and don't care what ex makes or not.
Let them have their time together and don't waste yours in court. Pick up extra work when your son is at his father's if you need money.

[Anonymous]

It would be a pretty stupid time to ask for more CS when he got laid off and is earning nothing except maybe unemployment.

What is the difference between what he pays and what the guidelines put him at? I would calculate the extras he is paying for into that.

10% of gross for one kid doesn't sound that far off from the guidelines btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would be a pretty stupid time to ask for more CS when he got laid off and is earning nothing except maybe unemployment.

What is the difference between what he pays and what the guidelines put him at? I would calculate the extras he is paying for into that.

10% of gross for one kid doesn't sound that far off from the guidelines btw.

Dad is also paying for insurance, clothing and a lot of other things that mom should be paying out of child support. If she changes it and gets more child support but has to pay those things, she could come out worse. Also, it sounds like Dad has the child a lot, including a month at a time when child should be at mom's. Does she give him a portion of the child support back for clothing, food, etc. when its her time and she's gone off to do what ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would be a pretty stupid time to ask for more CS when he got laid off and is earning nothing except maybe unemployment.

What is the difference between what he pays and what the guidelines put him at? I would calculate the extras he is paying for into that.

10% of gross for one kid doesn't sound that far off from the guidelines btw.

Not now, after he gets a new job.
I looked into it and you are right, it’s mostly about spousal support which I think I won’t have a strong case at (too much time has passed and I am more or less gainfully employed).

[Anonymous]

Ok so the consensus is not to bother. I’ve had the same hunch so I’ll go with that.
I will ignore the jealous posters calling me greedy!
Thanks everyone!
-OP

[Anonymous]

College is 30K a year, in-state. Some private unis cost nearly 100K a year. That's total cost of attendance, room, board, tuition, fees, etc.

So... by the time your kid goes to college, it will be an astronomical sum.

Please bear this in mind. Maybe keeping the peace isn't such a bad idea. Did all his family go to college and does he attach great importance to it?

[Anonymous]

If your relationship is good enough to ask about his ideas around college, that is important information!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be a pretty stupid time to ask for more CS when he got laid off and is earning nothing except maybe unemployment.

What is the difference between what he pays and what the guidelines put him at? I would calculate the extras he is paying for into that.

10% of gross for one kid doesn't sound that far off from the guidelines btw.

Not now, after he gets a new job.
I looked into it and you are right, it’s mostly about spousal support which I think I won’t have a strong case at (too much time has passed and I am more or less gainfully employed).

PP here and it seems unlikely you'd get spousal support after the divorce was already finalized.

If I were you I'd approach the college discussion like hey what do you think about us each setting aside $x hundred dollars for kids college per month. You could also just talk to him and see what his thoughts are about how you guys approach paying for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be a pretty stupid time to ask for more CS when he got laid off and is earning nothing except maybe unemployment.

What is the difference between what he pays and what the guidelines put him at? I would calculate the extras he is paying for into that.

10% of gross for one kid doesn't sound that far off from the guidelines btw.

Not now, after he gets a new job.
I looked into it and you are right, it’s mostly about spousal support which I think I won’t have a strong case at (too much time has passed and I am more or less gainfully employed).

You made an agreement outside of guidelines. That was your choice. He is paying a lot of extras and taking the kid during your time and you aren’t returning the child support. You are greedy. You will not get spousal support post divorce. Stop expecting him to support you. You are divorced. Grow up.

And, you go after more child support, you could end up with less given you dump the kid on him for months at a time. You are lucky he’s flexible and not wanting to have you pay him child support given you don’t fully parent your kid. What kid of parent decides not to parent their kid for a month and take off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be a pretty stupid time to ask for more CS when he got laid off and is earning nothing except maybe unemployment.

What is the difference between what he pays and what the guidelines put him at? I would calculate the extras he is paying for into that.

10% of gross for one kid doesn't sound that far off from the guidelines btw.

Not now, after he gets a new job.
I looked into it and you are right, it’s mostly about spousal support which I think I won’t have a strong case at (too much time has passed and I am more or less gainfully employed).

PP here and it seems unlikely you'd get spousal support after the divorce was already finalized.

If I were you I'd approach the college discussion like hey what do you think about us each setting aside $x hundred dollars for kids college per month. You could also just talk to him and see what his thoughts are about how you guys approach paying for college.

She can take his child support and save it for college. He’s paying all the big expenses and kid lives with dad for long periods.

[Anonymous]

OP, what is your income, what is his income, how much time does he have the child, what expenses is he paying outside child support and what expenses are you paying outside child support? If he's paying car insurance and clothing as well as your vacations (why is he paying for your vacations), then he's paying more than he needs to. Go file for a child support change but be aware that you may need to pay the clothing out of the child support, along with the insurance and vacations as that is what you are getting child support for and he shouldn't be buying clothing except for at his house. Why aren't you using these things for child support? Why are you dumping the kid on Dad for a month at a time when he is such a bad person?

[Anonymous]

Bunch of dead beat dads responding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bunch of dead beat dads responding

Or greedy moms. Did you read the post. Kid is with dad for a month regularly and lots of other time. Dad pays child support, clothing, insurance and even her vacations. That does not sound like a deadbeat. Mom sounds like a greedy deadbeat she’s demanding more child support especially when the child isn’t with her for long periods. Or, pay him for the months the child is there.