"Women judge other women when they are feeling either jealous or smug."

[Anonymous]

Ugh. As I frantically pack for my 20 year college reunion this weekend I am having anxiety all over again about the judgmental mean girls that will surely be there in their sorority gaggle, based on the social media presence they have. I'm almost regretting going, and my husband (who also went to the same school) can't come as he'll be home with kids, but I promised a few friends I would make it.

I'm sure the moment I step foot on campus I will be transported to the year 2000 when I was shell shocked at the mean girl culture.

[Anonymous]

I tend to agree. I love jewelry and have some beautiful things that I inherited from my family but I know most people are not into them. I'd never judge someone on the way they spend their money, unless they're buying guns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tend to agree. I love jewelry and have some beautiful things that I inherited from my family but I know most people are not into them. I'd never judge someone on the way they spend their money, unless they're buying guns.

Well judging someone for having too many guns apparently means you are jealous or smug... not sure which?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tend to agree. I love jewelry and have some beautiful things that I inherited from my family but I know most people are not into them. I'd never judge someone on the way they spend their money, unless they're buying guns.

Well judging someone for having too many guns apparently means you are jealous or smug... not sure which?

Well if it's just guns, then I would judge that person as an idiot. Now if they were hoarding ammo, I would understand being smug because clearly that is a brilliant person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only judge the women who have those big, honkin’ rocks on their fingers. Too showy for me.

Ok, so then maybe you're being smug because you think you're so cool that you don't need a big ring to show off.

Or maybe you're actually jealous because you want one. Be real with yourself here. It's anonymous.

DP - I judge the women who get moissanite or CZ giant honkers. They can't afford the price of a 4ct diamond but want people to think they can, so they get the fake one.

That said, I'd take a 4ct real diamond in a heartbeat! Get your sunglasses ready because I'd be blinding everyone

You're being smug here though. I'm not trying to be mean, I just think you're saying that these women are tacky and you're better than that (or you're rich enough to have a huge ring so you don't need a fake one).

Am I? I don't have a huge ring. I can't afford a huge one. What I judge is the pretending of having money, not of actually having or not having. I'm not sure smug is the right word here. More like, sad? That someone feels they need to do that? Maybe not. Time for some introspection.

Words are tough and I don't want to be a pedant, and I could also totally be wrong (this post made me really stop and think about the truly base emotions underlying my judgments), but if you're sad that someone feels they need to do pretend they have money, that sounds like pity, and sometimes pity is because you feel superior in some way. (Not always, of course, I could feel pity for someone who lost their home without feeling at all like I'm better than them). I could be wrong, and again, I wasn't trying to be mean or to judge you! I just thought through a few examples of me judging people and some were indeed tinged with smugness even though I had never thought that before. Although I can also think of a situation where I would judge a driver swerving through traffic for being an unsafe a$$hole and there's no smugness or jealousy there, so I don't think those emotions are always present. But I do think the feeling of judging someone for something you wouldn't do (especially if it's materialistic) has a hint of smugness because YOU wouldn't do that. You know what I mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How many times have you heard "Ugh I can't believe she said that. She's just jealous!!!" Not all women are jealous and "catty" (a term almost exclusively used for women). There is a trend to discount things women say because theyre just jealous, trying to pit women against each other.

Not all women are jealous and catty all (or most) of the time. However, every woman is sometimes jealous or catty (or both). You seem bothered by the fact that the term "catty" is almost exclusively used for women. However, are you bothered by the fact that terms like "wimp," "nerd," and "geek" are used exclusively for men?

There has been a big push in the younger generations to discard this and support other women.

Bullshit. Do you have daughters in middle school? Young women are still doing the same things to each other that their mothers did 30 years ago and their mothers did 30 years before that.

Yeah, you may not like everyone, but just because you dislike someone it shouldn't automatically be assumed its because youre jealous. Which is what OPs mom is trying to say (or smug), which I disagree with. I'm not saying anything about how harshly women judge other women or comparing their judgement to men, only the automatic assumption it's because its based on jealousy.

Enlighten me. When a woman unfavorably judges another woman's appearance (something I have heard my entire life, from grade school to retirement parties), how often is it not motivated by jealousy? Answer: seldom.

Incorrect

NP. I disagree. If you are judging another woman's appearance, whether it's because she's dressed in yoga pants and a messy bun at the grocery store or a short Chanel skirt and heels for carpool - what is your motivation? I think you're either jealous that she's comfortable/happily married enough to wear sloppy clothes and her husband will still love her or you're jealous because she's attracting looks for being sharply dressed and taking care of herself and you're not. Or you're being smug because you would never look like that (whether sloppy or dressed up). If you disagree, how would you describe your emotion(s) in either situation?

P.S. I think people who aren't willing to admit that they're ever jealous are ridiculous. And I love my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. As I frantically pack for my 20 year college reunion this weekend I am having anxiety all over again about the judgmental mean girls that will surely be there in their sorority gaggle, based on the social media presence they have. I'm almost regretting going, and my husband (who also went to the same school) can't come as he'll be home with kids, but I promised a few friends I would make it.

I'm sure the moment I step foot on campus I will be transported to the year 2000 when I was shell shocked at the mean girl culture.

Can you remind yourself every day between now and the time you see these girls of all the wonderful things about your life? I can't imagine letting some mean girls make me feel bad about the life I'm living. Is there something in particular you're insecure about? I mean, my kids aren't the prettiest/smartest/most talented but they're good kids and I love them. My job isn't saving the world but I like it and I'm good at it. My husband isn't a George Clooney look alike earning $5m a year while also doing everything around the house but I'm attracted to him and we have a great and very equal marriage. I don't live in a mansion with help but we have made our house a comfortable home and our life is pretty great. Of course everything in my life could be better in every respect (I could be richer, prettier, in better shape, etc.) but I wouldn't let someone else make me feel bad about my life!