"Women judge other women when they are feeling either jealous or smug."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

How many times have you heard "Ugh I can't believe she said that. She's just jealous!!!" Not all women are jealous and "catty" (a term almost exclusively used for women). There is a trend to discount things women say because theyre just jealous, trying to pit women against each other.

Not all women are jealous and catty all (or most) of the time. However, every woman is sometimes jealous or catty (or both). You seem bothered by the fact that the term "catty" is almost exclusively used for women. However, are you bothered by the fact that terms like "wimp," "nerd," and "geek" are used exclusively for men?

There has been a big push in the younger generations to discard this and support other women.

Bullshit. Do you have daughters in middle school? Young women are still doing the same things to each other that their mothers did 30 years ago and their mothers did 30 years before that.

Yeah, you may not like everyone, but just because you dislike someone it shouldn't automatically be assumed its because youre jealous. Which is what OPs mom is trying to say (or smug), which I disagree with. I'm not saying anything about how harshly women judge other women or comparing their judgement to men, only the automatic assumption it's because its based on jealousy.

Enlighten me. When a woman unfavorably judges another woman's appearance (something I have heard my entire life, from grade school to retirement parties), how often is it not motivated by jealousy? Answer: seldom.

I'm not sure why you are so triggered by my comment. I don't like putting women in boxes, like OPs mom did. I dont like a knee jerk reaction that if a woman says something negative that it stems from jealousy.

Wimp/nerd/geek are definitely not exclusively used for men. I've even been called a nerd/geek because I liked reading growing up

I dont have middle school kids, but slightly older. They are all about being a "girls girl" and building up their female counterparts.

I also dont think that when women judge appearance it's often jealousy. Perhaps you hang out with a very jealous crew, but people judge for all sorts of reasons. Boiling down any negative comment to jealousy is lazy and petty. Humans are rounded individuals full of emotions and feelings. Far more than just jealousy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I only judge the women who have those big, honkin’ rocks on their fingers. Too showy for me.

Ok, so then maybe you're being smug because you think you're so cool that you don't need a big ring to show off.

Or maybe you're actually jealous because you want one. Be real with yourself here. It's anonymous.

[Anonymous]

I think if you're talking superficial things, then probably.

But I judge the hell out of the woman who was in the Truth vs. Alex Jones who perpetuated the lie that Sandy Hook was a hoax and it's not because I'm jealous or smug, it's because she's a piece of trash. (I also judge the hell out of Alex Jones and many others who were involved, but you asked about women and she was the only prominent woman who was featured so that's why I called her out. Many men were worse).

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure why you are so triggered by my comment.

When you write, "You are so triggered," you try to discount my words by using the term "triggered" in a clinical sense, such as when TV shows have trigger warnings to let viewers know that the show contains sensitive content. Men have accused women of doing this forever (e.g., my joke about blonds triggered her, and she went off the rails.) Do better.

I don't like putting women in boxes, like OPs mom did. I dont like a knee jerk reaction that if a woman says something negative that it stems from jealousy.

I do not like putting people into boxes. Try to be more inclusive.

Wimp/nerd/geek are definitely not exclusively used for men. I've even been called a nerd/geek because I liked reading growing up

Really? Have you ever been in a physical fight because someone called you a nerd? Plenty of men have because the term is used to emasculate. Sadly, you are using a trite example to mask the use of a hurtful term.

I dont have middle school kids, but slightly older. They are all about being a "girls girl" and building up their female counterparts.

That's good to hear. I have three daughters, all three of whom have graduated from college and entered the workforce.

I also dont think that when women judge appearance it's often jealousy. Perhaps you hang out with a very jealous crew, but people judge for all sorts of reasons. Boiling down any negative comment to jealousy is lazy and petty. Humans are rounded individuals full of emotions and feelings. Far more than just jealousy.

Again, your writing is trite. Of course, humans have more emotions than jealousy, but this fact does not support your position that women do not judge other women's appearance jealously. Be honest. Have you ever said something about another woman's appearance to your friends to demean her (e.g., I cannot believe she wore a top that tight)? Of course, you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say your aunt asked in a polite way, but it sounds like she was being unkind. Just because she felt judged back in the day doesn’t mean she should ask you if you feel judged. Your mom said something simplistic, but she was right to shut down that line of questioning from your aunt. Don’t give it another thought.

Yeah, I got the same feeling about the aunt, that she's meddlesome and judgey of the small ring, though her wording was polite. OP's mom shut her down effectively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only judge the women who have those big, honkin’ rocks on their fingers. Too showy for me.

Ok, so then maybe you're being smug because you think you're so cool that you don't need a big ring to show off.

Or maybe you're actually jealous because you want one. Be real with yourself here. It's anonymous.

DP - I judge the women who get moissanite or CZ giant honkers. They can't afford the price of a 4ct diamond but want people to think they can, so they get the fake one.

That said, I'd take a 4ct real diamond in a heartbeat! Get your sunglasses ready because I'd be blinding everyone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

How many times have you heard "Ugh I can't believe she said that. She's just jealous!!!" Not all women are jealous and "catty" (a term almost exclusively used for women). There is a trend to discount things women say because theyre just jealous, trying to pit women against each other.

Not all women are jealous and catty all (or most) of the time. However, every woman is sometimes jealous or catty (or both). You seem bothered by the fact that the term "catty" is almost exclusively used for women. However, are you bothered by the fact that terms like "wimp," "nerd," and "geek" are used exclusively for men?

There has been a big push in the younger generations to discard this and support other women.

Bullshit. Do you have daughters in middle school? Young women are still doing the same things to each other that their mothers did 30 years ago and their mothers did 30 years before that.

Yeah, you may not like everyone, but just because you dislike someone it shouldn't automatically be assumed its because youre jealous. Which is what OPs mom is trying to say (or smug), which I disagree with. I'm not saying anything about how harshly women judge other women or comparing their judgement to men, only the automatic assumption it's because its based on jealousy.

Enlighten me. When a woman unfavorably judges another woman's appearance (something I have heard my entire life, from grade school to retirement parties), how often is it not motivated by jealousy? Answer: seldom.

Sounds like you are 100% one who calls other women jealous if they dont like you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s generally true, OP. Sometimes I read the “snark” threads of various social media influencers/bloggers/etc. and it’s all BARELY concealed jealousy. Disguised as the usual, omg she has this huge house and it’s all beige, she’s an over consumer, this that and the other thing.

Yeah, I don't know about that. I saw the thread on the Ballerina lady in Utah and I judged her pretty harshly in my head and I am definitely not jealous of her 8 kids and fake ranch life. Nor am I smug and thinking I'm any better than her. I just think what she was peddling was pretty gross and tasteless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am going to assume your mom and aunt meant judging on superficial stuff particularly related to status, not racism. With that backdrop, I think your mom is right. Except a smug judging person is insecure. So there is only one category: insecure.

I don't think I agree with this. I judge parents (women and men) who let their kids have pacifiers at like age 4 and while doing an activity like playing at the park. But if I'm being honest it's because I'm being smug that I never did that. But I don't think it's an insecurity on my part?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm not sure why you are so triggered by my comment.

When you write, "You are so triggered," you try to discount my words by using the term "triggered" in a clinical sense, such as when TV shows have trigger warnings to let viewers know that the show contains sensitive content. Men have accused women of doing this forever (e.g., my joke about blonds triggered her, and she went off the rails.) Do better.

I don't like putting women in boxes, like OPs mom did. I dont like a knee jerk reaction that if a woman says something negative that it stems from jealousy.

I do not like putting people into boxes. Try to be more inclusive.

Wimp/nerd/geek are definitely not exclusively used for men. I've even been called a nerd/geek because I liked reading growing up

Really? Have you ever been in a physical fight because someone called you a nerd? Plenty of men have because the term is used to emasculate. Sadly, you are using a trite example to mask the use of a hurtful term.

I dont have middle school kids, but slightly older. They are all about being a "girls girl" and building up their female counterparts.

That's good to hear. I have three daughters, all three of whom have graduated from college and entered the workforce.

I also dont think that when women judge appearance it's often jealousy. Perhaps you hang out with a very jealous crew, but people judge for all sorts of reasons. Boiling down any negative comment to jealousy is lazy and petty. Humans are rounded individuals full of emotions and feelings. Far more than just jealousy.

Again, your writing is trite. Of course, humans have more emotions than jealousy, but this fact does not support your position that women do not judge other women's appearance jealously. Be honest. Have you ever said something about another woman's appearance to your friends to demean her (e.g., I cannot believe she wore a top that tight)? Of course, you have.

Calling "bullshit" and using personal insults certainly looks like it was triggering, apologies if that offended you.

No, I've never been in a physical fight. Not sure what that has to do with terms having a sexist connotation. I actually try not to use gendered insults (p***y, c**t, etc) as they are generally demeaning to women specifically. Nerd is not gendered. I'm sorry if you had a rough time growing up as a nerd, many wear it as a badge of honor these days but it wasnt always so easy.

3 daughters is a lot! Too bad you didnt teach them to be girls girls, and instead perpetuated these sexist stereotypes and harmful reductive terminology.

I don't care much what you think of my writing. Your overuse of trite is perhaps trite in itself!

I've never said that women do not judge other women's appearance from jealousy. I said there are many reasons for it, it shouldn't be a knee jerk reaction that it is automatically jealousy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I judge women who don't keep up their appearance then cry that their husbands are disinterested or cheating. I empathize that we're all very busy and men shouldn't be so shallow but... Men are visual creatures - the solution is simple. You won't catch me at the grocery store looking disheveled, fat, or unmoisturized.

Ok, and you're being smug about it because you do keep your appearance up, right? Or maybe you're secretly jealous that some women don't have to work that hard to keep up their appearances and their husbands still don't cheat on them...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm not sure why you are so triggered by my comment.

When you write, "You are so triggered," you try to discount my words by using the term "triggered" in a clinical sense, such as when TV shows have trigger warnings to let viewers know that the show contains sensitive content. Men have accused women of doing this forever (e.g., my joke about blonds triggered her, and she went off the rails.) Do better.

I don't like putting women in boxes, like OPs mom did. I dont like a knee jerk reaction that if a woman says something negative that it stems from jealousy.

I do not like putting people into boxes. Try to be more inclusive.

Wimp/nerd/geek are definitely not exclusively used for men. I've even been called a nerd/geek because I liked reading growing up

Really? Have you ever been in a physical fight because someone called you a nerd? Plenty of men have because the term is used to emasculate. Sadly, you are using a trite example to mask the use of a hurtful term.

I dont have middle school kids, but slightly older. They are all about being a "girls girl" and building up their female counterparts.

That's good to hear. I have three daughters, all three of whom have graduated from college and entered the workforce.

I also dont think that when women judge appearance it's often jealousy. Perhaps you hang out with a very jealous crew, but people judge for all sorts of reasons. Boiling down any negative comment to jealousy is lazy and petty. Humans are rounded individuals full of emotions and feelings. Far more than just jealousy.

Again, your writing is trite. Of course, humans have more emotions than jealousy, but this fact does not support your position that women do not judge other women's appearance jealously. Be honest. Have you ever said something about another woman's appearance to your friends to demean her (e.g., I cannot believe she wore a top that tight)? Of course, you have.

Are you a man? Judging by your getting into a physical fight over being called a nerd, I'm guessing so.

And are you seriously trying to mansplain why women are catty and jealous? Wtf, gtfoh.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you are 100% one who calls other women jealous if they dont like you

You need help.

First, you need (a good deal of) help with the rules of grammar. Next, you need help with constructing a readable post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only judge the women who have those big, honkin’ rocks on their fingers. Too showy for me.

Ok, so then maybe you're being smug because you think you're so cool that you don't need a big ring to show off.

Or maybe you're actually jealous because you want one. Be real with yourself here. It's anonymous.

DP - I judge the women who get moissanite or CZ giant honkers. They can't afford the price of a 4ct diamond but want people to think they can, so they get the fake one.

That said, I'd take a 4ct real diamond in a heartbeat! Get your sunglasses ready because I'd be blinding everyone

You're being smug here though. I'm not trying to be mean, I just think you're saying that these women are tacky and you're better than that (or you're rich enough to have a huge ring so you don't need a fake one).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only judge the women who have those big, honkin’ rocks on their fingers. Too showy for me.

Ok, so then maybe you're being smug because you think you're so cool that you don't need a big ring to show off.

Or maybe you're actually jealous because you want one. Be real with yourself here. It's anonymous.

DP - I judge the women who get moissanite or CZ giant honkers. They can't afford the price of a 4ct diamond but want people to think they can, so they get the fake one.

That said, I'd take a 4ct real diamond in a heartbeat! Get your sunglasses ready because I'd be blinding everyone

You're being smug here though. I'm not trying to be mean, I just think you're saying that these women are tacky and you're better than that (or you're rich enough to have a huge ring so you don't need a fake one).

Am I? I don't have a huge ring. I can't afford a huge one. What I judge is the pretending of having money, not of actually having or not having. I'm not sure smug is the right word here. More like, sad? That someone feels they need to do that? Maybe not. Time for some introspection.