Stopping at 2 kids..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone once framed it: Can you tolerate 50% more (fill in the blank)?

Some things to fill in the blank with:

Whining
Night wake ups
Activities
Noise
Illnesses

Obviously things like night wakeups don't last forever, but I knew that i didn't want to deal with it, even for a few years.

I'm an introvert and like my free time and felt like I'd be stretched too thin with 3.

Wouldn’t it be 30% with a third?

No

[Anonymous]

I don’t know any well adjusted families with 3 or more. It’s always the case the older kids become nannies for the youngest. The fathers withdraw into work to avoid the chaos and work 24/7. The money is always very tight. The moms are always exhausted and are always ready to dump the kids anywhere they can. The quality of life is not great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If we did a third, we’d have to get a second hotel room, one kid would sit by themselves during a flight, amusement parks, one kid would need to bring a friend or ride alone, car space would be tight. I’m happy with my two.

I mean there are a lot of valid reasons to stop at 2, but these seem like silly ones.

We have 3 and you can book 1 room while the youngest is small enough for a pack n play. By the time kids are older, many families (even of 4) end up getting a second room for kids vs adults, or a suite.

For a flight, 1 parent sits with 1 kid and the other sits with 2 kids. We swap that around on the way back.

Amusement park rides aren’t always built for even numbers. For instance, space mountain is a row of 3. You can do different variations of splitting up or have 1 parent ride alone if needed.

Car space isn’t tight if you get a minivan. Even when we only had 2 we had a minivan. It’s great for carpooling, lugging around sports gear, road trips, etc.

These are all very minor logistical things. I can’t imagine deciding how many children to have based on the occasional trip to an amusement park.

[Anonymous]

Our family didn’t feel entirely complete until we had our 3rd. I just knew, after my first and second that I wasn’t done.

DH sometimes brings up having a 4th but I don’t have that strong desire to have another child anymore. Our family size feels right for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know any well adjusted families with 3 or more. It’s always the case the older kids become nannies for the youngest. The fathers withdraw into work to avoid the chaos and work 24/7. The money is always very tight. The moms are always exhausted and are always ready to dump the kids anywhere they can. The quality of life is not great.

You sound jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know any well adjusted families with 3 or more. It’s always the case the older kids become nannies for the youngest. The fathers withdraw into work to avoid the chaos and work 24/7. The money is always very tight. The moms are always exhausted and are always ready to dump the kids anywhere they can. The quality of life is not great.

You must not live in a wealthy area.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you decide to stop at 2 kids or decide to have more? We are on the fence about baby #3.

You are fine with zero. One is enough. Two is a splurge. Third is insanity. You matter. Your marriage matters. Your parents matter. Your existing kid dd matter. Don't stretch yourself physically, mentally, logistically and financially too thin. You'll have get lots of rips to mend.

this.
it makes me insane when people complain about finances with 3+ kids. Of course it's human nature to reproduce, and of course it makes sense to have more than one child for the sake of the child but more than 2 is for very wealthy ppl or those who live in flyover/ v low COL. anything else is a little tunnel vision unless you dont care if your kids spend their lives in debt.

What’s very wealthy? I’m a pp who agonized over having a third. If we weren’t planning to send kids to private school, 3 would be totally doable financially. Our HHI is around 500k. We live in NY where that’s not really enough to send three kids to private school and live decently while meeting other savings goals. If I sent my kids to public school - living in an expensive school district- it would be fine cost wise. It’s private school that really makes a significant dent on the cost of raising kids.

pp - yes same. we are in nyc and thus need to be in private. Our HHI is $750-$1mm depending on the year but after nearly 50% income tax and $65 per kid on private that clicks WAY down and still need to pay mortgage, maintenance, property tax and save enough for retirement and to help them. the thing that bugs me is when people have a bunch of kids and assume they are financially done with their responsibility once the kid is 18. In NYC you are either at over $1.5 or $8m+ net worth or you should not be having more than 2 kids. to be fair nearly all the families i know with 3+ are at that income level.

Well this is out of touch

Dp - this is the reality of NYC. It’s nuts! For a two income couple working full time in Manhattan, their choices are spending 3+ hours daily commuting, or living in nyc which is obscenely expensive. Public schools are a mess. companies should be more flexible about remote work.

I can believe that it’s nuts. But by the math above, what income do you need to afford even one child? What percentage of families do we think can ever dream of making that kind of money? I can believe that’s how it pencils out to maintain a certain standard of living, but that’s not how most people live.

To afford one kid and EITHER a nanny OR private school tuition for one kid, you need to be making 450k+ in NYC. This assumes rent on a 6k 2 bedroom apartment (and this isn’t going to be fancy as insane as it sounds- it will be a doorman + elevator rental with parquet floors somewhere far on the east side, or a normal two bedroom on the upper west side.) this assumes both parents don’t have other debt, max out 401ks, and otherwise live pretty normally - not lavishly. I’m not sure that people here understand that just parking your car in Manhattan could easily be 800 dollars a month.

Why are you here, rubbing elbows with the little people? Isn't there a rich NYer board you can post your rich people problems on?