Stopping at 2 kids..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been trying for 3 years, since 36 for #3. I've lost 5 so far. By far the absolute worst thing that's ever happened to me. I had zero issues with #1 and 2.

I ask this respectfully, but why did you keep trying after several losses? What is it about three kids that drives you to go through it again?

Long story, but I wanted what everyone desires - two kids, normal family life, close siblings. My first was an accidental pregnancy with an abusive man. I took time to heal, move on and find the right man. We wanted two kids, 2 ish years apart. Never going to happen.

Hope your first kid doesn't know they aren't good enough

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, to the troll who is attacking people who mourn losing babies, I sincerely hope you stub your toe badly on something, step on a Lego, and bite your tongue. Something is wrong with you.

To OP, on the fence=no. You often hear that three is where the chaos comes in. You lose man on man defense etc. I didn’t think it would be true for us but it was. LOVE the third and would not change anything but as the older two remark “standards have slipped.”

To the troll who is unhappy with the 2 children she has, I hope they disown you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:3 kids are just not getting the parental attention that 2 are. It’s mathematically impossible. And 2 kids are getting less than an only child. It’s just a decision you have to balance. My sister is just baby/toddler crazy. But once the kid can walk/talk/pee on their own, they must fend for themselves and she is on to the next baby.

Disagree. In my experience too much parent attention is not great for kids. Lots of special snowflakes out there who really struggle with the real world. Kids with 2+ siblings seem to be better adjusted in general. The helicopter parenting many people take on today is not good for kids. They are more anxious, insecure, self centered, and rigid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 kids are just not getting the parental attention that 2 are. It’s mathematically impossible. And 2 kids are getting less than an only child. It’s just a decision you have to balance. My sister is just baby/toddler crazy. But once the kid can walk/talk/pee on their own, they must fend for themselves and she is on to the next baby.

Disagree. In my experience too much parent attention is not great for kids. Lots of special snowflakes out there who really struggle with the real world. Kids with 2+ siblings seem to be better adjusted in general. The helicopter parenting many people take on today is not good for kids. They are more anxious, insecure, self centered, and rigid.

Disagree with you. Having 1 or 2 kids does not correlate with being a helicopter parent, damn fool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 kids are just not getting the parental attention that 2 are. It’s mathematically impossible. And 2 kids are getting less than an only child. It’s just a decision you have to balance. My sister is just baby/toddler crazy. But once the kid can walk/talk/pee on their own, they must fend for themselves and she is on to the next baby.

Disagree. In my experience too much parent attention is not great for kids. Lots of special snowflakes out there who really struggle with the real world. Kids with 2+ siblings seem to be better adjusted in general. The helicopter parenting many people take on today is not good for kids. They are more anxious, insecure, self centered, and rigid.

My sister helicopter parents her 3 kids. I have 2 children, one of whom boards.
You don’t know what you are talking about at all. Keep your mouth shut.

[Anonymous]

I work in an ES. Some children are positively feral. But it doesn’t seem to correlate with how many kids there are in the family.

But when they get older and the parents no longer dictate the entire family’s schedule, parents will have to divide and conquer activities. If you have more than 2 kids, you will NOT be able to have a parents at each game/competition/performance unless some of your children don’t do anything at all.

[Anonymous]

I always wanted 3, and thats what happened. I was one of 3, so it was easy to picture.

[Anonymous]

I kept agonizing over it so we went for the third. I’m pregnant and in early days. I’m nervous about it, but I’m also at peace now that I finally feel I know I’ll be done if this pregnancy works out, and possibly even if it doesn’t and I simply know I tried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 and think I'm done (although I could certainly have another given my age, finances, etc.) Some of my reasons are:

- I have 2 amazing, healthy kids. Why risk something going wrong with the third?
- I don't want to get pregnant or give birth again. I love having my body back, being able to work out as much as I want and eat/drink anything.
- Waking up every few hours during the newborn phase is terrible. I don't want to deal with that again.
- Extra financial burdens. Sure, we could afford it, but it's a huge extra cost.
- I feel stretched with 2 kids (both DH and I have full time jobs) already. 3 just seems chaotic and I would lose even more sleep.
- I've taken 2 maternity leaves from my job. They've been very gracious and while I could do it a 3rd time, the whole thing would be stressful to deal with.

I honestly can't think of any pros of having a 3rd kid, other than it might be a bit more fun.

All of these are completely rational reasons to stop at 2. I was in the same position. But I could not stop thinking about a third and felt I’d regret not trying. So we did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 kids are just not getting the parental attention that 2 are. It’s mathematically impossible. And 2 kids are getting less than an only child. It’s just a decision you have to balance. My sister is just baby/toddler crazy. But once the kid can walk/talk/pee on their own, they must fend for themselves and she is on to the next baby.

Disagree. In my experience too much parent attention is not great for kids. Lots of special snowflakes out there who really struggle with the real world. Kids with 2+ siblings seem to be better adjusted in general. The helicopter parenting many people take on today is not good for kids. They are more anxious, insecure, self centered, and rigid.

I sort of agree with this - my spouse is one of two and were incredibly coddled to a deficit. His sibling is kind but also one of the most self centered people I know. Kids from bigger families learn early that not everything revolves around them- obviously that also needs to happen in an appropriate way, but ultimately I think better for kids.

That said there are tons of benefits to having two kids and parents should have the number that they can and want to manage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 kids are just not getting the parental attention that 2 are. It’s mathematically impossible. And 2 kids are getting less than an only child. It’s just a decision you have to balance. My sister is just baby/toddler crazy. But once the kid can walk/talk/pee on their own, they must fend for themselves and she is on to the next baby.

Disagree. In my experience too much parent attention is not great for kids. Lots of special snowflakes out there who really struggle with the real world. Kids with 2+ siblings seem to be better adjusted in general. The helicopter parenting many people take on today is not good for kids. They are more anxious, insecure, self centered, and rigid.

I sort of agree with this - my spouse is one of two and were incredibly coddled to a deficit. His sibling is kind but also one of the most self centered people I know. Kids from bigger families learn early that not everything revolves around them- obviously that also needs to happen in an appropriate way, but ultimately I think better for kids.

That said there are tons of benefits to having two kids and parents should have the number that they can and want to manage.

And I think kids who get no attention from parents are suffering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 kids are just not getting the parental attention that 2 are. It’s mathematically impossible. And 2 kids are getting less than an only child. It’s just a decision you have to balance. My sister is just baby/toddler crazy. But once the kid can walk/talk/pee on their own, they must fend for themselves and she is on to the next baby.

Disagree. In my experience too much parent attention is not great for kids. Lots of special snowflakes out there who really struggle with the real world. Kids with 2+ siblings seem to be better adjusted in general. The helicopter parenting many people take on today is not good for kids. They are more anxious, insecure, self centered, and rigid.

I sort of agree with this - my spouse is one of two and were incredibly coddled to a deficit. His sibling is kind but also one of the most self centered people I know. Kids from bigger families learn early that not everything revolves around them- obviously that also needs to happen in an appropriate way, but ultimately I think better for kids.

That said there are tons of benefits to having two kids and parents should have the number that they can and want to manage.

And I think kids who get no attention from parents are suffering.

Yes, but three kids aren’t not getting attention. It’s not ten kids. They may not have parents breathing down their necks like parents of two are more likely to, and that’s not a bad thing.

[Anonymous]

I thought we were done at 2. My husband sent me an article about how people over value the immediate term in making the decision and undervalue the long term. The article really made an impression and I realized that, for me, it was correct. We had a third, who is now 5, and it was definitely the right decision for us. (All kids were in my mid-30s and my fertility struggles were the reverse of those described here; several years and escalating interventions for #1 and then the next 2 were easy.)

[Anonymous]

Put 2nd was a challenging infant,toddler, preschooler. He has been a fabulous kid post those stages, but hell no. We’ve also been fortunate with healthy kids. And we’ll be empty nesters when I am 51.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kept agonizing over it so we went for the third. I’m pregnant and in early days. I’m nervous about it, but I’m also at peace now that I finally feel I know I’ll be done if this pregnancy works out, and possibly even if it doesn’t and I simply know I tried.

I could have written this word for word. Hoping your pregnancy goes well!