This is not the win you think it is. None of you sound healthy. Healthy relationships don't involve guilt trips, caving, withholding attention, knowingly looking for someone to please you, catering to whims, indulgence, nastiness, etc. |
I agree. It gets worse if there's ADHD/autism or anything else that impact social skills. These men need to have other people's feelings spelled out to them in words of one syllable. I have such men in my family, and it forces everyone around them to work that much harder in the relationship, because they cannot improve beyond their limits. |
I love all the pseudo scientists lol! WHo are you to say who is healthy or unhealthy? That's the type of mumbo jumbo that keeps people who think there is some sort of magic answer to interpersonal relationships running to therapists and second guessing themselves. People are people and all of us have our own quirks, are own positives , and our own negatives. Every once in a great while, you may encounter a person who everyone univerally feels sucks- take a Ted Bundy for example- but even he sat right next to one of the greatest true crime writers in America at a suicide prevention center and counseled people not to kill themselves. The irong was not lost on the writer, Ann Rule, who later wrote about it in The Stranger Beside Me, for all of the evil he did, he just may have talked someone off the ledge. The trick is to deal with others in a positive manner despite your own quirks and hangups and despite theirs. I know several people who call themselves "Life COaches"- a name you can call yourself with minimal or no training at all. All of the "Life COaches" I know who want to tell others how to live are an absolute mess. There is no protocol for healthy |
You make men sound pretty lousy.
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A psychopath who was able to demonstrate pro-social behaviors when he chose to is an interesting choice to make your point. And fwiw, if you’re OP, you’re the one who started the thread by teeing up your own relationship dynamics with you mother as if you have it all figured out, but are now complaining about pseudo scientists because someone disagrees with your hot take. |
Very interesting |
+1 to this and the PP who pointed out how much sexism is involved. The exception, for me, is that my ILs expected me to fulfill the same role as all the other women in their family when it came to events/activities/gift giving. |
#BoyMoms are batshyt crazy. There, I said it. They coddle the boys, expect perfection of girls, excuse the boys, hate the wives. |
Hmm- my brothers treat my mom with equal respect. DH does the same.
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This was true of many European Americans too but WWII propaganda changed that. There was a concerted effort to break the bonds between mothers and sons to get men to go to war. If you watch old movies and read old books, you’ll notice that the American flags of fallen soldiers went to the mothers not the wive, and the grieving mother was the one people fawned over. |
Troll posing as a male now. Still lame op troll, still lame. |
You're completely off base. There are so many studies, articles etc about this that it is disappointing to see this kind of garbage posted regularly in this decade. Because you have a penis, you get a pass from men and women on the work of relationship maintenance. There are a lot of things that people won't expect of you because you have a penis and none of those things are a natural result of having a penis although people will try to say that it is. You didn't just decide to play the game this way. You were allowed to play this way and it was assumed from the outset that you would be this way. It's called sexism and it is alive and well today. Women who try this "don't try to please" approach are called horrible names and told there are serious things wrong with them. Women who do this are treated very differently from men who do this. Again, sexism. |
Can't handle two women at once? WTF did I just read? The quality of discourse on this site has really declined in the last decade. |
Exactly. People are being raised with sexist assumptions. |
People who suggest being aloof in a relationship are not healthy. That's manipulative power play and pathetic. These are tools of the insecure. |