Based on over a decade of hosting APs, I disagree that hosting APs is akin to buying "Value City" furniture.

One does need to match carefully and work with each AP as if she were the first, in order to acclimate, train, and develop a relationship. I also spend time helping them find ESL and other classes, recreational facilities, know where APs who arrived with them live (& how to get there). A little handholding goes a long way to getting them off to a good start. That takes an investment of time each and every year, and I know some families tire of that. And occasionally, it doesn't work out and you have to send somebody home or into rematch. But in my experience, the APs have almost always been responsible, good drivers, outgoing, friendly and open. In all cases, they have developed good relationships with my kids, way beyond keeping them alive and driving them around. In twelve years, I have never had to miss a day of work due to an AP's illness or an AP being AWOL when she was scheduled to care for my children. And several of the APs did have 2-3 years of child care experience and/or education. Regarding driving, I look for no less than 2 years of daily driving experience, preferably in a climate similar to ours (i.e. ice/snow in winter). And while getting the state driver's license is necessary, their actual driving privileges are based on both skills and where we are comfortable having our car (i.e. any weekend trips need to be preapproved,etc). Although I do not look for party girls, on a couple of occasions, an AP who won't even talk to her host family is a red flag: homesick or possibly lied about something on her application (boyfriend, smoking, etc). Good communicators don't let language barriers stand in the way of getting to know their host family/making friends.

My suggestions, if you decide to try to salvage your current situation:

-- get your AP connected with other Italian speaking APs in your area. If there are none (Italians are not as common as other Europeans in the program), you'll have to be a little more creative. If she speaks/understands Spanish, try connecting her with South American APs. This may seem counterintuitive given that her English is poor, but it is very stressful to not be able to really talk to anyone since she arrived.

-- assign her to care for one of your children for half a day (sole charge, but with instructions to ask for help from the nanny if necessary), then for the whole day, then gradually have her be responsible for all of them. Check in with her yourself a couple of times a day. The first week I am working with a new AP in my home, I call her every day in case there are any questions.

-- take her driving every day, to places that she will need to drive your children to or that she will want to go to (Starbucks, the library, the gym, the mall, homes with other APs). Let her navigate her way once you have done this a couple of times. You can impose any driving restrictions you deem necessary but be mindful of the limits of any public transportation in your area.

--It sounds like your children are predisposed to adjusting to new, youngish caregivers, so that should be helpful. Be sure the AP has time to be with your kids without you or the nanny getting in their face.

If this doesn't help, ask for a new AP ASAP and send this one home. This is important to ensure you have someone viable in place before the nanny leaves.

APs who match in the suburbs need to drive in order to “leave the house”. OP, it doesn’t sound like you and DH have put the effort in to getting your AP behind the wheel on a daily basis and/or you did, but you still aren’t confident in her driving.

I putbin my requirements that the ability to pass the VADL within 30 days is mandatory, or else we will have to rematchbwith someo me who can. I send them the drivers book before their arrival so they can familiarize themselves. I also only hire very strong English speakers form northern europe. It is impossible to properly instruct someone who cannot communicate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a really weird situation. We did overlap between 2 APs for 2 weeks (at their request) and it was awful. The new AP could not wait for the old AP to leave so she could start her own "job". 2 months, no driving, lives in suburbs and a nanny? I am amazed AP has not rematched of her own volition.

We have a student live with us for a few months each summer and we’ve never had an issue.

If it was your college students first time in America, knew no one and just had basic English it may be relevant.
It does not sound like you have have created a very welcoming situation for this AP. After 2 months you should know if they can drive or not, or hired someone for an evaluation or lessons. Pretty basic AP stuff.

I think many posters are being hard on HP. You chose your AP poorly. There's no excuse for why she can't do the job. The nanny was supposed to be the training wheels, but is still doing their entire job rather than the AP stepping up. This will likely not change and you'll just rematch when you have to "cut the umbilical cord." Just rematch now and cite failure to drive. The DMV gives us one month to switch over from an international DL to state DL. We make clear that driving is a requirement that involves 1) ability to pass the state requirements and 2) our comfort with AP driving.

There also are posts with APs that never leave the house. It sounds like you have one of those as well as someone who's not that good of a driver. This is a personality rematch better done sooner than later.

OP, you have two excellent reasons for rematch. You've probably only stuck it out this long because it's your first one and you hope things will get better. They won't and more experienced HPs would have rematched within the first 2-4 weeks (depending on what your agency requires). You have just enough time to get another out of country AP if you don't find anyone in the rematch pool you like, so don't be afraid of how bad/slim the rematch pool looks.

Young APs are not going to jump right in like a summer American babysitter. Unlike your summer sitter, APs aren’t established in the USA...they arrive without a DL, limited English, no bank account, no friends, less sense of what American kids love to do/watch/eat. You as the HP must be willing to take the time to help AP get acclimated and organized. Driving is your immediate priority every day and often. It takes a lot of time, patience, and energy that you do not invest in a summer American sitter. The list goes on. The bottom line is that you have an expectation that your AP has the wherewithal to hop in just like your former summer sitters and this just isn’t the case. I agree that it appears that you have a pretty unmotivated AP are your hands as well. But honestly, even the motivated ones need your dedicated attention for the first few weeks.