Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really isn’t worth the drama. And unlike PP, I don’t make decisions based on whether or not she will be “so sad or so bummed”. I just follow the program rules, set clear expectations in interview stage for AP to do the same, and 5 years and no rematch or even call to LCC, its all worked out.

I'm the PP you are talking about. The decision obviously was not solely based upon whether my AP would be sad or not - her happiness was just part of the equation. And for the record, I have been at this a little longer than you (6 years), also no rematches, never even a call to the LCC and my family keeps in touch with all my prior APs (all but one have come back to visit at least once) and in many cases in touch with their moms and siblings as well.

And for the PP who described it as my "right" - that is an odd way to frame the issue. I don't claim any "rights" here - just a HM with a good relationship with my AP offering to provide an opportunity to go somewhere AP wants to go, with an arrangement everyone involved agrees with.

It's amusing to me when posters here (and frankly across the internet) pretend to know what's best for everyone else, simply based on what they think is best for themselves. I have described a situation where everyone involved is perfectly happy with the arrangements and yet there are those who feel the need to be judgey about it. Thankfully I am not concerned about the opinions of randoms!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OPs situation sounds fine, but to PP, I wouldn’t let your LCC or agency catch wind of your husband sharing a hotel room with you AP. I would opt for her potential sadness over the embarrassment of the agency discovering this.

No embarrassment whatsoever. My LCC is an experienced, level-headed person who does not create drama for drama's sake. And if she were to find out (and for all I know my AP has already told her b/c my AP gets along very well with the LCC), my LCC would probably ask if she's ok with it and confirm that it is AP's choice, and AP would say yes absolutely and that's that. As noted, we have done this once already with a prior, equally beloved, AP and all went just fine.

Also, I'm not sure what you think is going to go on in the hotel room! The bathroom has a DOOR and we will probably just stay out of the room entirely while she's getting ready and we all plan to be CLOTHED the entire time... mainly just sleeping in the room otherwise!! Hardly controversial stuff!

Anonymous wrote:I think OPs situation sounds fine, but to PP, I wouldn’t let your LCC or agency catch wind of your husband sharing a hotel room with you AP. I would opt for her potential sadness over the embarrassment of the agency discovering this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really isn’t worth the drama. And unlike PP, I don’t make decisions based on whether or not she will be “so sad or so bummed”. I just follow the program rules, set clear expectations in interview stage for AP to do the same, and 5 years and no rematch or even call to LCC, its all worked out.

I'm the PP you are talking about. The decision obviously was not solely based upon whether my AP would be sad or not - her happiness was just part of the equation. And for the record, I have been at this a little longer than you (6 years), also no rematches, never even a call to the LCC and my family keeps in touch with all my prior APs (all but one have come back to visit at least once) and in many cases in touch with their moms and siblings as well.

And for the PP who described it as my "right" - that is an odd way to frame the issue. I don't claim any "rights" here - just a HM with a good relationship with my AP offering to provide an opportunity to go somewhere AP wants to go, with an arrangement everyone involved agrees with.

It's amusing to me when posters here (and frankly across the internet) pretend to know what's best for everyone else, simply based on what they think is best for themselves. I have described a situation where everyone involved is perfectly happy with the arrangements and yet there are those who feel the need to be judgey about it. Thankfully I am not concerned about the opinions of randoms!

Anonymous wrote:It really isn’t worth the drama. And unlike PP, I don’t make decisions based on whether or not she will be “so sad or so bummed”. I just follow the program rules, set clear expectations in interview stage for AP to do the same, and 5 years and no rematch or even call to LCC, its all worked out.

Anonymous wrote:Even if AP is agreeable to the sleeping arrangement, the HF is responsible for following the guidelines. Yes, this be a tricky grey area and I can see how OPs sleeping arrangement for AP and grandma is within the realm of normal, I do not see how AP sharing a bedroom with her host parents is acceptable. The thing is, she isn’t your daughter and I think you have crossed some major ethical guidelines in place to protect APs from uncomfortable situations.